Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mum slapped toddler in face queued up in busy chipshop??

38 replies

milkmonster · 24/09/2009 00:35

Queued up behind mum in chipshop holding her child, the toddler (looks about 2) accidentally nutted her in the jowls. Think it hurt a lot as the mum shrieked in pain , but then slapped the tot across the face (enought to make tot cry).

It looked relex reaction, not 'punishment', but is it unreasonable to think mum shouldn't have done this? Mum looked quite decent person, well-dressed, etc. not chavtastic. I thought smacking children was against the law or something?

OP posts:

nickschick · 25/09/2009 23:38

I think milk monster does need to seek help if only to help her get over the torment of the last 7 years.

Hando · 25/09/2009 23:39

NIckschick - She didn't beat the child black and blue or throw it down the stairs. She lost her temper in pain once and slapped him. He will not have any lasting physical or emotional damage from what OP has described. She feels bad, knows it was wrong and feel guilty.

Why does she need to seek help first thing Monday morning? Perhaps counseling to help her get past the years of the abusive partner, but not counseling because she slapped her toddler.

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 25/09/2009 23:40

I mean get help for you after the awful time you've had. And know that you have support and people to talk to here

hambler · 25/09/2009 23:40

milkmonster, don't be so hard on yourself.
You know it was wrong to reflexly slap your toddler.

That's the point - you KNOW it was wrong.It's the parents who don't know it's wrong who are the problem

I have shouted ans screamed in my children's faces, and have pinned them down in anger and yelled at them. I know I was wrong too and I hope I will never do it again.

I am sure you feel the same way.DOn't beat yourself up about it. Forgive yourself, hug your kiddie and move on

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 25/09/2009 23:55

milkmonster, Im sure your already beating yourself up enough, please stop.
Get yourself some help, you had a moment of madness and loss of control, but you know it, which is a good sign.

nickschick · 25/09/2009 23:56

Thats what I meant that milkmonster needs to seek some support to help her.

Very judgey in here tonight.

valhala · 26/09/2009 00:02

All I can bring to this is to say that my Ex-H and father of my children was violent and left us unsupported in all ways. I know how hard it is to cope aloe with the feelings of fear and desperation which are left behind and how long it takes to return to being the woman you were before the violence. You are not a bad person, you know that you acted wrongly and you want to do something about it... and you have spoken honestly of it. IMHO that makes you very brave and shows that you care. I can't offer advice save to say that the recovery from a life of violence takes time and so please, go easy on yourself. My heart is with you and I wish you and yours a very happy future.

BitOfFun · 26/09/2009 00:09

My dd bit me hard today, and does similar sometimes- pinching, digging her nails in etc., and ahe's big and strong enough for it to really hurt (9). I've smacked her back as a reflex before (on the arm or leg though). I can understand it, I think. The face seems worse, but I'm in no position to judge, tbh.

smokinaces · 26/09/2009 08:12

milkmonster, the fact you realise this wasnt the best reaction and want help shows you are a good parent - if you laughed it off or excused it I would be more worried.

I have slapped my 3yr old as a reflex once. (I do smack occassionally but this was different) That was a real wake up call for me - I was going through a divorce and really struggling. It took a lot to go to my GP (and a few more incidences) and then my employer (turns out they offer counselling) and the counselling is really helping.

Could you see if your GP offers counselling on anything like this? Or try womens aid or one of those charities? Its a big thing domestic abuse, and even though you are out of it I would recommend chatting to someone.

But please dont beat yourself up about this. You didnt beat your son, and you acknowledge it wasnt the best reaction - now you need to go look at the deeper issues IMO.

smokinaces · 26/09/2009 08:12

Also, HV (if you have a good one) can be a good person to chat too.

ApplesinmyPocket · 26/09/2009 08:54

milkmonster, don't be too hard on yourself. Each of my DDs has been slapped just once - I never used smacking as a punishment, not even an admonitory tap on a nappied bottom, but once with each child a reflex anger overcame all reasoning and I had given the slap before consciousness kicked in.

They're grown-up now and both remember it - which your toddler won't, too young - but the point is I felt so terrible about it, awful, as do you, that it was never going to become a habit. I truly don't think this is a sign that you have 'picked up' any abusive traits from your relationship - it's just something that happens sometimes when something takes us by surprise like a toddler breaking free and dashing for the road, or causes us an unexpected jolt of pain.

Just try to forget it now, put it behind you, and carry on thinking of yourself as a good, loving mother, which you are, or you wouldn't be worrying about it. And I wish you all the best in getting over the hurts of your past relationship, whether that be in someone to talk to or just moving onward and upward with bright hopes for the future - good things may be just round the corner.

pjmama · 26/09/2009 14:24

I made a decision that I would not smack my children. But I was smacked as a child myself and unfortunately that immediate reaction to lash out when I'm angry is in me. I've never done it, but there have been occasions (usually when one of the DC has deliberately hit me) when it's taken ever ounce of self control I have to not smack straight back.

None of us are perfect and many are battling their own personal demons one way or another. You obviously feel horrible about what you did, but give yourself a break. We can all slip from time to time, we're only human. It doesn't make you a serial child beater.

CheerfulYank · 26/09/2009 14:37

I also made the decision never to spank my kids, and the other day I slapped my 2 yr old on the hand because he wouldn't stop hitting. (The irony is not lost...) It solved absolutely nothing and made me feel horrible, so I won't be doing that again...

Milkmonster, perhaps you do need help, as the others have been saying, merely to process what has happened to you in the last 7 years. You obviously want what's best for you DS and would never intentionally hurt him. Good luck and forgive yourself.

Flip

1 2