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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my 20 month DD for 2 weeks?

18 replies

pamelat · 22/09/2009 20:48

Basically I do not have a real choice.

I have to go on a mandatory work course for 2 weeks. I will be home at weekends.

Normally I work 3 days a week. My course will mean I am away (3 hours drive) for 5 days and 4 nights, then home for the weekend and then the same again.

DD will go to my MIL on 1 of the days and have an extra day at nursery (paid for by my work) on the other day.

I have known about this for months but have been in denial

Could anyone please tell me, from their experience maybe?, what sort of effect this will have on my DD.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I fear she will stop loving me and get used to life without me in that time?

I will miss her lots but I am 7 weeks pregnant and part of me is looking forward to the "rest".

DH is a brilliant dad and will do all nursery drop offs and pick ups but how do you tell a 20 month old that you will be coming back in 5 days?!!! She is quite a mummys girl at the moment.

OP posts:

hf128219 · 22/09/2009 20:53

You know what? She will hardly know you are gone for that length of time - children have no concept of time.

Enjoy the rest

Original poster

pamelat · 22/09/2009 20:53

really?? Oh I really really hope so, that would be brilliant

OP posts:

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 22/09/2009 20:55

You should start saving up for the years of therapy that your DD will need due to you leaving her for 5 days when she is 20months old.

Seriously, the only one who is having issues with this is you, your DD will be fine. I would enjoy the nights of sleep with no responsibilities before LO no.2 joins you.

MamaG · 22/09/2009 20:56

It will be harder on you than it is on her! Children are more adaptable than we think

hf128219 · 22/09/2009 20:56

My dh is in the Army and spends long periods away. I say to my dd (also 20 months!)'Where's Daddy?' and she just points out of the room!

cleaningsucks · 22/09/2009 20:58

ditto everyone else. take the chance to have a break. and enjoy her all the more when you get back.

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 22/09/2009 20:58

hi, ds is 2 next month and last week was the first time he seemed to really realise that dp was away for a couple of days. he still didn't fully understandm but he now has a concept that usually daddy goes to work on the bus but sometimes he goes on a plane instead. don't worry, i'm sure she'll be fine. sounds like she's got lots going on in that time to keep her occupied and i'm sure you realise it'll be you that worries and she'll just breeze through it!

ThingOne · 22/09/2009 21:05

I was in hospital for about that length of time when my DS2 was around that age. It took him about half an hour to come over to me properly. That's not very long! He was more mystified than cross or upset.

curiositykilled · 22/09/2009 21:12

Pamelat - realistically your dd will probably miss you and be sad without you and may even be quite cross with you/dh/MIL for the time you are away but providing you talk to her properly and explain what is going to happen she will actually be fine. It'll give her a good chance to have some fun with her granny. Don't feel guilty, have a rest. It is not very healthy to not be able to be physically separated from your children.

I don't agree that children have no concept of time. My two have a very good concept of time and always have done. They need to know when and where I'm going and when I'll be back. They find that comforting. Either way your dd will be absolutely fine and it could be good for her.

My DH works away 3 days each week up until recently. The children were cross with me but lovely to him when he came back!

treetroppo · 22/09/2009 21:22

i echo curiositykilled. my children too have a very good concept of time and have done since small.

being clear about when you go and when you are back is very very important. ( as i have learnt.)

sounds like you have hugely made arrangments for your DD she will have dad around and grandparents and you back at the weekends.

also 7 weeks pregnant= very very knackering!! enjoy the course and don't be upset if your dd is a bit disrupted/tricky with you being gone or with you when you are back it is just her way of expressing sadness at missing you. sure you will miss her - regular quick phone calls at bedtime breakfast can work. good luck and take care!

hf128219 · 22/09/2009 21:25

Very young children's concept of time is markedly different to that of an adults!

thesecondcoming · 22/09/2009 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Danthe4th · 22/09/2009 21:34

This reminds me of a friend of mine who had to go away for 10 days and leave her 2 dd's, kids were fine she was a wreck, she started wailing at the airport and didn't want to go.

curiositykilled · 22/09/2009 21:40

If what you mean is that periods of time feel longer the younger you are then I would agree. An hour feels much longer to a 3 year old than an adult for example but it still feels like an hour, a measurement of time. It is relative to the amount of time you have experienced but still an accurate measurement.

My children can accurately measure an hour, a day, a week, they understand when I say I will leave at 9am and come back at 3.30pm. They know when 7.30am is and they are allowed to get up without being sent back to bed. They know when they should be having lunch, breakfast or dinner. They have done for a few years and are only 3 and 4. I know it is not true to say they have no concept of time.

curiositykilled · 22/09/2009 21:43

the dc will be fine though. It just is very important for me to tell my children when and where I'm going and when I'll be back and to stick to that commitment. It helps to comfort them and builds their trust in me.

bumpybecky · 22/09/2009 21:44

I've got a 20 month old ds and DH is currently away for 2 weeks with work. He's 5000 miles away, so no coming home at weekends (even though there's a huge pile of school uniform that needs ironing ).

I'm fairly sure ds isn't psycolgically scarred by the experience (although my spelling might not recover!)

Anyway, point of my post is that while DH is away we've got MSN messenger and webcams. That way the kids all talk to Daddy every evening and tell him their news (well the 3 dds that can talk do anyway!). Even at 20 months DS knows it's Daddy, he gets very excited and chats away, blows kisses, waves etc. He points at the PC in the day and asks for Daddy (not always possible due to work and the time difference). I suspect he thinks DH is living in the computer, but ds seems happy enough with that

threeandcounting · 22/09/2009 22:09

Hi!

I posted kind of the same question in May asking if i should go to Spain for a week (opportunity came up through work). My children were 3, 5 and 6 at the time and i was leaving on ds's 3rd birthday!

I decided to go and had a ball (even though i really missed the kids!) We changed ds's birthday party to the day before...

I wrote on the callander when i was leaving and when i was due home so they could see how long it was in days.

I talked to them every evening and they were quite happy on the phone! The dc were not adversly affected by my going away (although i really did feel guilty at times!) but they did ask "how many days now?" every day, and were ok when i said x number of days!

I did bring lots of nice pressies back though!...

Go and relax and enjoy the break...in six months you will hardly believe you were away!

thesilverlining · 22/09/2009 22:25

thats crappy for you - I'm sorry you have to do it.....bit shit of work actually to make you do it as you only work 3 days a week..but as others have said - she will find it alot easier than you will

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