To think that a 5 year old having a Mobile Phoen is just ridic?

[Eve4Walle]

DD comes home this avo and tells me that a girl in her class has her own mobile phone, and the teacher had to take it from her for safekeeping today.

They are 5 FFS and now DD wants to know why she can't have one 'to ring her friends and Nanny' on.

What is the world coming to?

4 yorkshiremen. do watch the whole sketch.

at people not knowing the Four Yorkshiremen . I've had to watch that and now I'm late for the dentist...

We didn't have a phone at home till I was 15 (back in 19750 and then it was a party line! Bet some of you have never heard of them!

We didn't have a phone till I was 16 back in the 1990's but that's cos we were POOR(ish).

As I am from Yorkshire I am allowed to make said statements as part of my heritage!

Yes CommonNorthener- I too was a poor deprived Yorkshire person!

'By Karam Tue 22-Sep-09 14:02:26 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster
Many of the people who disagree with them seem to be assuming that the child lives with both parents.

If there is a child whose parents are divorced, and it is acrimonious, then I can easily see the value. It means that the child can easily access the other parent without having to go through the other parent and so on...

I also know of someone who has given one to her child (slightly older than 5, but not much when he got the phone) because the father was, shall we say less than reliable. Would do things like forget to pick him up from his clubs, or after school club and so on... then if there was a problem, the child could phone the mum, who would then go and pick the child up. He would also go down the shops and leave the child in the house alone. In that scenario, I would certainly give my child the phone rather than having them hanging around waiting for their dad to not show up again, or be worried about being in the house alone... as whilst you can moan about your Xs behaviour, there is nothing you can actually do to change it - so minimising the damage is probably the best option. '

My children have token useles XP as a father. I am totally shocked that any parent would consider letting their five year old go to their XP's house in the first place when they think it is OK to leave the child home alone or that the 5 year old having a mobile would protect them in some way from having an irresponsible parent who doesn't provide a basic standard of care. I shall say it again, if the XP/GP doesn't take care of the child then you reduce the XP/GP's access/responsibilities, you don't give a 4/5/6 year old a mobile phone and you don't run around clearing up the XP/GP's messes for them.

I am surprised the children are not afraid of going to XP/GP's houses when they know their responsible parent trusts them, a small child, more than said XP/GP.

If a split is acrimonious the parent with care has a duty to behave responsibly and reasonably and facilitate contact. If the parent does not do this the absent parent can apply for contact throught the family court. If the parent with contact cannot maintain a good relationship with the parent with care and doesn't behave reasonably when it comes to contact then the law supports the parent with care to reduce contact to a minimum until the parent with contact learns to behave better.

If a parent forgets to pick a child up from school or after school at primary age the school is supposed to make arrangements to contact the parent. The school is supposed to do this if a child is in high school too in fact.

How does the child ever need a mobile?

I am also agog at the child that 'does acting work' and has had her own mobile for a 'couple of years'. Why can't the father call the landline?!

My ex husband speaks to our 3 year old every evening. If I dont want to speak to him I dont - we have caller id. So if I'm having a "I hate you" day I pass the phone to DS, if not I chat afterwards. Ex has a mobile, and does the same thing when I ring and he has the kids - if he doesnt want to speak to me, DS1 answers. (bear in mind this break up is only 4m long, so still a bit swings and roundabouts)

I've no plans on either DC having a mobile until they're at least teenagers, even with the fact that they go to their grandparents/dads etc without me. If I trust their GP/Dad to have them for the day, I need to trust them to sort out whatever mishaps occur on their watch. I cannot believe that some people will give such a young child a phone so they can basically check up on their ex's or their own parents and make sure they're doing things "their way"

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should be sending my three year old to his nursery with a mobile so if he doesnt like the dinner that day, or not being allowed to play in the garden, or another child snatches he can ring me and moan about it.

Hi curiosity killed,

My ex doesn't call the kids ever (on the landline or by any other means) as he is useless at that sort of thing, so the kids have mobiles so they can call him if they ever want to or need to talk to him. He doesnt have a landline, only a mobile, which costs a fortune to call, so he tops up the kids phones so its not my bill that is run up. It means the kids have access to their dad when they want it, which I dont see as being such a bad thing since we live miles apart. They never take them out of the house except when dd is at auditions or work, when I use it as a back up, as frankly I am rubbish at keeping my mobile charged/topped up! and then I keep it in my bag! They certainly have never taken them to school!

stephief - but don't you think by giving your kids the mobiles you are getting them to effectively cover up the fact that he is useless and enabling him never having to change grow up Why can't he call the children? He's the grown up. It just seems a bit strange to be offering your kids something which might harm them so that you can make up/cover up for your X being rubbish at keeping in contact with his kids.

Hi,
Course I am lol! But I have known their dad long enough to know he wont change this side of their 18th birthdays, so cant be bothered wasting my time trying to make him grow up. Did enough of that when we were married! He left the marital home when the kids were babies, the kids have quickly learnt how useless he is (but I never say a bad word against him in real life)Its not that he cant call the kids, he just doesnt, it doesnt occur to him that the kids exist outside of daddy day, but there are plenty of times when the kids want to tell him something or ask him something so giving them the ability to do it when they want to just makes life easier. And I dont really buy into the 'mobiles give you brain cancer' argument so that isnt a huge concern for me.

I agree lillymolly.

Thankyou clumsymum for Four Yorkshiremen link - ROFL - just watched it hahaha

my son has a mobile and he's six he's never apart from me(apart from school), it's so he can take pics and play the games.

Curiosity... I'm loving the theory, but knowing friends who have lived through this, it is just not the reality. As Stephief points out, the father will not change if he doesn't want to, and you can't force him. But why should the children suffer because they have got feckless dads that don't bother making the effort? Mobile phones can help solve that contact issue. At least, that has been the experience of two people I know who have lived through this.

It would be lovely if these things could be sorted through courts, but unfortunately, this does not always happen, and indeed in one case mentioned above, I think the courts actually made things worse - more acrimonious than they were before. The problem is that whilst we know everyone should be grown up and mature and put the children first, not everyone does that, or even is able to do that - emotions do get in the way.

P.S. The child I referred to was not 5 - I said a bit older ... can't remember exact age when left alone, but was about 7/8 I think. Can't be certain on that though.

Why give the child the responsibility of caring for a piece of equipment like this? By all means teach the child to memorise important telephone numbers to ring when needed, but mobile phones are not toys and should not be doled out as such.

I can see the validity of giving a child access to a phone when apart from parents, knowing that a parent will ring at a designated time, for example for a goodnight chat. It might help the child feel more secure. When used in this manner it is addressing the child's needs and is age appropriate.

In most cases, I think when a child is old enough to start going out on their own then the use of a mobile phone for emergencies can be a good idea.

Apart from that I think very young children should be unencumbered by the responsibility of technology and expensive gadgets and having to worry about breaking such things.

Children are growing up too fast. Let children be children and let them run around and have fun without having to worry about avoiding breakages. It was not so long ago that it seemed all a child had to worry about was scuffing new shoes. Sometimes, when we give, we also take away. There is time enough for responsiblity but a childhood is a very shortlived thing.

Well, my DS2 turned up with a mobile at nursery, and phoned the secretary of DS1's school on it before it was confiscated by the staff.

I hadn't even noticed it was missing from my bag!

DS1 (10) wsa desperate for a phone....then he found an old one of DHs......... then he realised he had no one to phone.

i think its bad.

yesterday dd(9) and ds1(8) were out with their friends,they found a dying bird and atleast 4 of the 7 children(not including mine)whipped out a mobile to phone rscpa!!!

dd has asked for one but at 9 i think shes still too young!

I don't think they need one before secondary school, and if they do it shouldn't be taken to school.

Karam - whereas you are relying on what you have been told by friends I am actually living in the situations you are describing. My children's father left to be with someone else when my DS was 8 months old and I was pregnant with dd.

I have been through all the acrimony, police, solicitors, supervised access, family court systems, mediation e.t.c. you could imagine and I maintain that the court system is fair and supportive to parents with care who are behaving in a reasonable way about the absent parent.

The court system would never allow a small child to be left in the care of someone who would leave them on their own whilst they went out. The parent with care would be perfectly within their rights to cease contact and return to court for a new contact order to be made in this situation.

The courts are impartial, judgements are made on an evidencial basis. This can include a magistrate making a judgement on the believability of each parent's testimony and assertions about the other. It is not the courts which make things worse but each parent's attitude towards the other and the court. You get out what you put in.

Mobile phones do absolutely nothing to solve the contact issue. They allow one parent to snoop on or check up on the other which undermines the necessary trust and respect parents need to have for each other. Or, they are used to help compensate for or cover up a parent's inadequacy which, if they cannot be bothered to do anything about, should be removed from the equation i.e. if a parent consistently forgets to pick a child up from school then they don't get the responsibility of picking the child up until they can do it consistently.

This is how you do the best for your children. Sometimes the responsible parent has to help teach the irresponsible one how to be responsible. Not in a demeaning way, in a respectful way - respectful of themselves, the X and the children. This is a far better long term solution. In reality if you cover up for an x you will be involved with doing that for the rest of your life and your children will not thank you as at some point they will have to take over the covering up you have done.