...to be pissed off by this? (Health Warning: this thread is full of boring domestic crap)

[MrsMerryHenry]

This morning DS wakes up at 6.20am (usual waking time: 7am). I roll out of bed, having had crap night's sleep - preg hormones or something have killed my sleep these days, grr. I go to DS and shut own bedroom door so DH can sleep.

20 mins later DH gets up and after telling him how crap my night was (he had a crap night too) he offers to look after DS so I can get extra sleep. We agree that he will wake me at 7.45 so I can leave at 8.30 to take DS to nursery.

7.45 - DH wakes me. I shower, etc.

8.25 - I go downstairs for quick breakfast, DH goes upstairs to start work. This is what I find:

• DH has given DS breakfast. That's all. DS is still unwashed and in his pyjamas.
• Dirty breakfast things, crumbs, food spills and play things are all over the dining table. Fyi I work from home, and the dining table is my work space.
• Every kitchen surface is completely covered with the dirty dishes that were in the sink overnight - DH has half-started the washing-up, and left the entire kitchen in a tip so that there's not an inch of space for me to make my breakfast. Has also left bowl of rinsing water on a stool by the garden door. We have had countless conversations/ arguments during which I have told him that leaving the kitchen in this state is bloody inconsiderate and a huge inconvenience to me. He still does it.

AIBU to expect DH to have cleared up the kitchen before scarpering upstairs, and also to have spent a little more time getting DS dressed and ready for nursery and a little less time playing trains and drawing pictures?

I will talk with him again about this but I just wanted to let off steam first.

YANBU. It took a long time for my DH to realise that he could look after the children at the same time as clearing up breakfast, wiping the table, at least attempting washing up and getting them dressed and ready for the day. In the end I had success by - toddler training stylee - concentrating on one thing at a time.

Now when he's had a crazy morning with them he comes to me for a sympathetic housewife whinge, complaining when he's not been able to get round to doing the washing up. Result .

I haven't got him to think about hanging out the washing on his mornings yet though.

Message withdrawn

YANBU. This sort of behaviour used to infuriate me. He's an adult, he's got eyes, he just chooses not to see that things need doing.

And as for people saying you should lay off because he 'let' you go back to bed. Well, let's just give him a medal and a round of applause then!

I'd have asked him to tidy up the kitchen whilst you took DS to nursery then you could have started work straight away instead of spending time tidying while he gets on with his IMPORTANT work.

mrsMH it all boils down to the fact that men are crap at multi-tasking
unless they're watching TV and boozing

men aren't crap at multitasking at all, that's amyth. Most of them can drive and talk to a person at the same time!

He is choosing not to do it - which is fine, he has also, though, chosen to take the consequences of a messy kitchen.

MAke sure he does get the consequence of a messy kitchen!

Colditz - I am all for leaving people to deal with the consquences of their own actions.

I don't think it is a myth in so far as a lot of men seem to only do the thing they say they're going to do and not the other myriad of small tasks that surround it. eg if I'm going to do A, I'll see B, C and probably D on the way and do those too and then I'll have to do E which was a result of doing jobs A and C.

It's a matter of vision, not ability.