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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or maybe a bit hormonal about buying 2nd hand baby items.

43 replies

PrammyMammy · 18/09/2009 13:06

Be honest, i can take it :P

I am 40+3 and have been ready for dc2 for a few months. We have a 20mo ds already so had moses basket, cot, blankets, sheets, clothes etc.
I swapped my single Quinny pushchair for a 2nd hand Phil and Teds so could use as a double or a single.
A friend of my parents was having a clear out of baby items and passed a wooden swinging crib and a baby changing unit come bath onto us.
So pretty much ALL the big things have been used by another baby. But are all in lovely condition and have been well looked after and not abused at all.

So here is my problem (WARNING it involved PILs) -
Yesterday at 2.10 i got a text from mil saying she was coming through, was just leaving. I waited in till 4pm but after no sign of them i went to my sisters with money i owed her. When i got back an hour later, fil was sleeping, mil was sitting with her arms crossed, ds and dp were playing on the floor with blocks. DS came up and sat on my knee, dp went and made tea, but no one spoke. They sat in silence for 2 hours, this was over tea time. While i made ds his tea, cleaned up, and started getting him ready for bath. Then they got up to leave.
After saying bye, dp was outside with them for a good half hour, while i bathed ds, dried his hair, got his pjs on and he was crying for bed by the time dp came back in.

It turns out that before i came in DP had told them about the swinging crib and that a lady on freecycle gave us covers for it, and they were not happy that their gc was going to have 2nd hand things, even the moses basket that was only used 4 months by ds. They were disgusted that the pram was 2nd hand and offered dp 200 pounds to buy new things. DP refused. But i am sooo angry because they sat here for 2 hours and didn't speak a word to me, or ds. Obviously there was a problem and maybe we could have spoken about it, but instead everything was said behind my back.
We are not well off or poor. DP works full time and i work pt (but am on mat leave). We bought all new with DS, and it still looks new tbh.
We are moving house, and the new house needs a lot of work, all new floors and a kitchen to start, so what we are saving on baby things is getting well used else where.

I am sitting wondering what i will say next time i see them. Should i just pretend i don't know, or should i give mil text saying i'm really not happy at how she dealt with her problem?

OP posts:

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 18/09/2009 18:20

Thank you all. Haven't heard from them today, but we won't be accepting the 200pound, anything else we buy would just be for the sake of buying. Seems silly.

OP posts:

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 18/09/2009 18:24

Or, do accept the £200 and spend it on a pampering weekend for yourself after the the baby comes

MmeLindt · 18/09/2009 18:28

Well done for doing so well, and ignoring your silly PILs. How childish are they?

I would not comment on it. Your baby, your decision, your money.

nappyaddict · 18/09/2009 18:45

PrammyMammy why not keep it to buy stuff for when the baby is older?

Bathsheba · 18/09/2009 18:52

I suspect they simply have no idea how much things cost if they think £200 is going to help....

So they are coming from the angle that they don;t understand WHY things are bought 2nd hand rather than new, because they have no idea of the prices.

There is no way on this planet though I'd accept the silent treatment for 2 hours in my own house.

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 18/09/2009 19:03

Nappy, it wouldn't be as simple as that, believe me.

OP posts:

willowstar · 18/09/2009 19:10

for what it is worth I would ignore it completely. in laws are funny creatures...so what if they don't agree with what you are doing? I am about to have our first baby and have bought practically nothing new and I am proud of that! think so much is a complete rip off. but a colleague on a much lower salary than me just had her first baby and everyting is brand new...and all top notch stuff. her nursery looks like a catalogue. to each their own ey? its just how you view the world and prioritise things. I would ignore your in laws, its your baby and if they are too chicken to talk to you that is their problem, not yours.

piscesmoon · 18/09/2009 19:21

Good grief!! Ignore them! The baby doesn't care, or know, if they are second hand! Make the most of it-I had nearly everything second hand. I would save the money until it is needed-there is a thread at the moment about the cost of university-suggest to your PIL that they start a fund and stop worrying about which baby used the pram first!

curiositykilled · 18/09/2009 19:51

It is silly of your PIL to be obsessed with buying new things but if you are 40+3 this silliness is likely to be over-shadowed and forgotten about because of the arrival of the precious grandchild. I'd just try and forget about it and be glad it was your DH who had to deal with it.

Tidey · 18/09/2009 19:55

I think you're doing exactly the right thing by saving money for things you actually need and to work on your new house. Why on earth would they want you to buy new things when the ones you have are good as new?

We kept loads of DS's things for DC2, who turned out to be a DD, so some things we didn't use, but loads of vests and babygrows we used again. Her pram/pushchair was from eBay, as we/are loads of her clothes.

Take no notice, they are being absolutely ridiculous.

echt · 18/09/2009 20:17

Two things here. Your DP's parents, not yours; you have nothing to explain, so don't.

As for ignoring you in your house, tell them not to do it ever again, or they'll be shown the door. Bloody rude.

piscesmoon · 18/09/2009 21:26

I would get DP to talk to them-

Ridiculous to buy new if you have good second hand.
Your decision.
Unacceptable to ignore someone in their own home.

Cybertrolley · 18/09/2009 21:30

Totally agree with echt, you shouldn't be made to feel akward in your own home.

As for 2nd hand gear? I'm addicted to it! Got loads of great bargains for my bump. It's a great example to set your children, we're all too materialistic these days anyway.

Jude68 · 18/09/2009 21:33

You are being very sensible..they are being ridiculous knobbers.
I feel sorry you're having to cope with their stupid attitude.
I too used practically everything again for my 2nd daughter |(born 19 months after my first) including all her clothes. The only "new" thing we had was a Moses basket (DD1's was borrowed, shock horror) and a Phil and Ted's double buggy.
Ignore their behaviour..it's pathetic.

twopeople · 18/09/2009 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kickassangel · 18/09/2009 21:50

get down to oxfam & buy your MIL a lovely pressie from her latest grandchild!

buy all their christmas pressies from ebay.

how very stupid of them. personally, i wouldn't try speaking to them, they'll take offense.

btw, as well as crossing her arms, did MIL have the cat's bum face, a la Les Dawson?

2to3 · 18/09/2009 21:59

Your PILs sound, well, er, weird. Very weird. As in from another bloody planet. I'd ignore them completely and let them stew in their own juices for as long as necessary. You're doing the right, sensible, economical AND green thing. Why litter the planet with even more junk when there's so much around in perfectly good nick already?

Sounds like there's much more going on under the surface with this couple of weirdos, so if it's not over this issue there'll soon be something else to get their knickers in a twist over instead I'm sure. Refuse to engage on their petty level and be damned pleased with yourself for being such a level-headed, sensible person.

l39 · 19/09/2009 07:03

They sat in silence in your house for 2 solid hours?

These are not reasonable people! You did the right thing by refusing their money (which wouldn't go far anyway).

The only things babies need new are cot mattresses and car seats. Apart from those secondhand is totally reasonable, and better for the environment.

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