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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

with MIL?

15 replies

Boodlerpoop · 15/09/2009 19:46

visited MIL + FIl at the weekend, and MIL insisted on smoking in the house....so annoyed that we left after one day. Now dh has told me that MIL attempted to FEED my 8 week old ds by ( I kid you not!) rubbing a bacon rind on his lips 'to get him used to the taste. So annoyed! Can't see myself ever talking to her again tbh

OP posts:

allaboutme · 15/09/2009 19:47

was dh there at the time? didnt he say anything? is he cross now?

i'd be furious, but at dh too if he sat there and didnt say anything!

Original poster

Boodlerpoop · 15/09/2009 19:51

Dh is v.inexperienced when it comes to babies, and this is our first....he thought it was normal...was only informed of it today because he asked me when we need to start feeding him...he already had a big argument with his Mam about the smoking tho, and he is furious about the bacon incident now. Posting here so that I can hold my tounge and don't say anything I'll regret later on

OP posts:

InMyLittleHead · 15/09/2009 19:54

God, I'd have kicked off. And then kicked her.

At least your DH seems to be on your side, which is the important thing. Maybe don't leave her alone with the baby, ever?

danthe4th · 15/09/2009 20:17

OMG I can't believe that someone would do either of those, god help you as your ds gets older. I would defo put your foot down now, absolutely NO interfering or smoking, or comments otherwise no visits.
I refused to let my dc go to gp's when they had a dog and a pond, the dog would sit grumbling at the children and there was no cover on the pond. There loss that they wouldn't change or remove dog so they didn't go, even though now the dog is dead I still don't trust them.

Original poster

Boodlerpoop · 15/09/2009 20:18

That was the original idea....which was why I left her with dh and the baby...won't be happening again!

OP posts:

preciouslillywhite · 15/09/2009 20:27

My MIL is in her 70s, and she always smokes in the house when the gcs are there. It used to drive me absolutely scatty- specially cos I used to smoke and was always scrupulous about going outside. I think she just thinks that's the way she raised her kids, and they all turned out alright...

I'll go against the grain here and say just put up with it if you don't visit that often-I bet your ds would rather have a nice smoking nanna than none at all. As for the bacon thing- you'll have loads of this sort of stuff to put up with eg raised eyebrows when you go and pick him up when he cries etc. It just comes with the MIL territory as far as I know and you just have to bite your tongue!-and moan your head off in the car on the way home

bethylou · 15/09/2009 20:39

Hi, My mum was smoking in the house when I got pregnant and I talked to her about the fact that we wouldn't be taking our baby round unless she stopped but that she was welcome in our house where she doesn't smoke. Also stopped going round while pregnant. After 7 months of stand-off whereby she came here but we didn't go there, she realised I meant business and stopped. Now she has also stopped smoking for an hour before she comes round. I believe there are occasional lapses in this but it is so much better. I still change his clothes when she goes though as I still think he smells smokey!

I know some of you might think this is harsh, but I'm asthmatic and didn't want my baby to end up the same if we could avoid it.

Firawla · 15/09/2009 23:16

OMG the bacon rind thing is disgusting, i would be furious, and the smoking too
but can you get ur dh to have a word with her and explain that you left early cos you're not happy with these things, you dont want to cut ties with them and would like them to keep contact with grandchildren, but you do have some limits and that means no smoking near the kids and no feeding random things to newborn babies, especially not such a disgusting food item

TwoPersephone · 16/09/2009 10:38

Perfect reasons to never see them again

MmeLindt · 16/09/2009 10:47

First, you have to educate your DH a bit. Making him sure that he knows what is suitable for your DS to have at what time. He should know the basics about when you intend to wean, when your DS is likely to start rolling/crawling/walking talking.

Only then will he be able to refute any ridiculous things that your MIL does.

Then, put your foot down about the smoking.

diddl · 16/09/2009 10:52

Sorry, but we´re all inexperienced when it comes to babies!

But even so, most know that at 8wks milk only is just fine!

I shouldnt be laughing, but trying to get him used to the taste??!!

Does your hubby by any chance have issues with food/eating?

Morloth · 16/09/2009 10:59

I don't go into people's homes if they smoke. The stench makes me want to throw up - they can never smell it themselves either. One of my sister's smokes and she knows the reason we don't stay in her house. She is always welcome at mine.

The bacon thing is kind of funny TBH, a good indicator that she is going to be one of the mental type grandmas.

Just don't let him in there if she is going to smoke and don't leave her alone with him while he is really small.

posieparker · 16/09/2009 11:02

I wouldn't go to her house again.

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 16/09/2009 11:06

I'm sorry but I just spat coffee everywhere laughing so hard.

What is it with these bloody women - a bacon rind??? How did they ever raise their own children. On the plus side, you'll have endless funds of bonkers granny type stories.

The smoking though

Wigglesworth · 16/09/2009 11:25

Oh dear God, bacon rind!!! The smoking thing would be enough reason to piss me off royally but the rubbing of dead pig laced with salt on an 8 week old babies lips beggers belief. I wouldn't be visiting her house if she refuses to stop smoking in there TBH. My Mum smoked in the house, the car, whilst I sat on her knee at Butlins when I was 3 (photographic evidence to prove it) and it makes me cringe when I think about it.
Good thing your DH is on your side, really it is up to him to set his Mum straight. It looks like she will be the crazy Granny (every family has one), I defo would NOT leave your DS alone with her, he will be munching on pork scratchings before he's 12 weeks old.

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