To feel resentful that my mum will be looking after my nephew regularly

[pinkthechaffinch]

Well, I have 2 children, a ds 7 and a baby 7 months. I'm a SAHM at the moment but am planning on returning to work part-time in the winter.

My mum has provided emergency help for my ds in the past i.e looking after him on occasions when his asthma was too bad for school etc.

My mum has always told me that she is unable to commit to providing regular child care as she works nights on an irregular shift pattern. That's fine, why should I expect her to do that-I've always really appreciated the help that she does provide.

I have a younger sister, who has also recently had a baby. She is planning on returning to work and apparently my mum has agreed to regularly look after him one day a week.I feel resentful of this as I think my mum will be so tired with her job and this new committment that my dc's will basically miss out if they are ever ill etc.

I also feel resentful that my sister will not have to pay for childcare while my OH and I are struggling financially.
(My sister and her husband both have well-paid jobs)

My mum has said nothing to me, I found out from another family member-I think she and my sister are aware that I will feel resentful.

Just read this back-I do sound jealous and bitter. I don't like to think of myself as being that person that everyone is scared of upsetting!
How do I get over this? It's bugging me more and more.

Should I just suck it up and accept that it's inevitable that some family members are treated differently

So, looking at the OP again, it seems that you wouldn´t want your Mum to childmind anyway.

So, you´re annoyed about not being offered something that you would refuse?

In which case YABU, and it´s between your Mum & sister what arrangements they make.

If anything you should be concerned for your nephew´s welfare whilst he is in your mum´s care.

YANBU
My parents are about to start looking after my brother's daughter (my neice) 3 days/week. They have always felt that my brother and his wife, who is foreign with poor English and no family in the UK are more vulnerable and need them more than I do. I suppose there is some truth in this but it is tiresome always having to cope myself whilst they fuss over the smallest things with brother and SIL. I also think that encouraging them to be so dependent is not necessarily doing them any favours. Still it's their choice and I still love them all. I do admit to saying to Mum that I didn't want my dc to 'miss out' and I felt better for having voiced it.

OP just say to your Mum that you understand that she is going to look after your nephew on a regular basis and that you feel it would be good for your own children to have the best possible relationship with her too. See what she says.

hmm - I am in a very similar situation too... with my sil and bil - my in laws look after their two dcs every week - at least three days a week - sil is a stay at home mum and employs a cleaner etc ... they can easily afford childcare ..there is now a new baby too, baby has been here for about two months and mil has already been "employed" ..

what we find the most difficult is that the in laws are aging and get very tired ..my niece and nephews are all under 4 .
my husband really worries about his parents health - dad recently had a cancer scare and is not in the best health..
when my ds ( 15) goes over there to visit his nanny, mil tells him how hard she finds looking after their children - and my son now resents his uncle and aunt because the inlaws spend so much time caring for bils and sils children that they barely ever have time for him and his brother. He also says he doesnt understand why his aunt and uncle had children if they dont want to spend any time with them ..

its a very sad situation and is ruining the relationships between the in laws and my children ..
I wish we had said something a long time ago - so I would say to you to let your mum know how you feel .. gently ..

and if thats not possible, then be proud that you are standing on your own two feet - we have the same philosophy - grandparents are supposed to be able to ENJOY having their granchildren visit - when it becomes an unpaid job - then imho its taking advantage of someone..

Good luck x

YANBU, family relationships are always so complexed......try and chat to your sister....see if you can find out a bit more detail, as a lot of what you saying sounds anecdotal

I agree with Tee2072. Just ask your mum and tell her you feel it's unfair she isn't dividing her time equally if she now feels able to childmind regularly. She can still decide to look after your sisters sprog, after all she just has 1 and it's smaller she maybe feels more comfortable with a tiny baby although i think they are harder work.

Duritzfan - your situation does seem unfair on your dc and a shame for your PILs too. Do SIL and BIL live much closer? Is SIL the daughter of PILs or is it BIL? Some PILs seem to feel more connected to the children of their daughters than their sons and DILs however unfair that may be on the children. Family dynamics are very interesting.

yup "interesting " family dynamics r us !!

SIL and BIL live about ten minutes closer to the PILS .. So yes its easier for them, but hardly much ..

And no, the PILS are the paternal grandparents to all their grandchildren ..

Its just very sad x