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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell everyone who asks if I am going to have kids now I am married

19 replies

beanieb · 09/09/2009 16:19

that I have been trying for 2 years and had a miscarriage in June?

Would that offend you?
I've got to the point now where I feel like having it tatood onto my forehead.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 09/09/2009 16:21

YANBU, i hate people asking when we will have another.

TotalChaos · 09/09/2009 16:22

yanbu at all. but you may find the thicker skinned types may then give you their "pearls of wisdom" about just relaxing a bit/going on holiday etc etc.

skybright · 09/09/2009 16:23

Tell them but beware of the complete avoidance of the subject again...perhaps that will be a good thing for the moment. I used to say to some people,i wouldn't think anyone could take offense.

moomaa · 09/09/2009 16:25

yanbu, plenty of people are open with this kind of info and I think it is easier to be honest.

And no, it wouldn't offend me at all. I would say something along the lines of I'm sorry to hear that, I hope it works out for you and then hope that was the right thing to say!

Original poster

beanieb · 09/09/2009 16:26

yeah, TotalChaos , and they may find themselves getting a punch in the nose

OP posts:

branflake81 · 09/09/2009 16:26

YAB a bit U.

People are just making small talk.

I can see why you are hurt and I sympathise with everything you've been through but I think you shuold not take offence at people trying to be friendly.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/09/2009 16:28

YANBU if you feel like telling them. Alternatively you could just tell them it's none of their business. It's so insensitive to ask people you don't know well when they plan to have children.

Original poster

beanieb · 09/09/2009 16:28

yeah you're right, I wouldn't want to upset anyone. I'm just getting slightly irritated. As a newly wed I think people think I have more reason to be wanting to get pregnant. What they don't know is that I have been trying for ages. Sigh.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 09/09/2009 16:31

I just think it's one of those things people do without really thinking - nobody means any harm.

when you've been dating more than a year they want to know when you're going to get married. Once you're married they want to know when you'll be having a kid, when you've had one they start asking you about when you're planning the next one.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/09/2009 16:34

I am in two minds.

I feel your pain but I also feel that they will feel uncomfortable if you did say that and may say something else that is upsetting.

Maybe be non commital?

I think your response can definitely depend on who is asking.

Original poster

beanieb · 09/09/2009 16:35

I think I will say 'I hope so, I've been trying for two years so maybe oneday soon it will happen'

is that a good compromise?

OP posts:

AvadaKedavra · 09/09/2009 16:38

If you explain your situation though you get them telling you all that tosh about well haev you tried temping/grapefruit juice/handstands/relaxing which will make you both and .

Best to just say something along the lines of not yet but having fun practising lots (with lots of )

I feel for you, am in the same boat and have resorted to the above now.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/09/2009 16:39

If YOU are happy saying that beanieb, then it is fine.

ClaireDeLoon · 09/09/2009 16:41

YANBU people suck the way they think they can say things like this. Idiots and I'm sorry they're upsetting you

Do you think you could say that (in your last post) without them prying further? Or you getting upset?

I do think sometimes non-committal responses are best. For you I mean not to spare their feelings.

Original poster

beanieb · 09/09/2009 16:44

hi Claire

I just need a rant (Again) I think. I feel like someone who probably doesn't deserve it is going to get both guns blazing at some point. Erk. Ah well.

I know it's unreasonable of me really, I'm just so frustrated. Am thinking of maybe putting it on my facebook, that way everyone on my list will know and at least that will stop a few people from mentioning it

OP posts:

JRocks · 09/09/2009 16:45

YANBU, and I understand why you're so irritated, but like someone said that does give the potential for the more idiotic of society to say something even more inappropriate or hurtful.

AliGrylls · 09/09/2009 16:57

When my mother asked the same question after a miscarriage and a year later I told her we were having plenty of sex so it should be soon and I would give her regular updates. She was really embarrassed.

I think you should just go for it. Say what's on your mind.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 09/09/2009 17:12

Why on earth would it offend them?

It would make them sad / embarrassed for asking / worried they had upset you / etc. but I can't see anyone being offended by that response.

Sorry that you have been through that. It must be tough.

Squidmission · 09/09/2009 17:18

I used to just say ' When its meant to be, it'll be'
Its what I believed myself and people usually didn't ask any further.

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