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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I rude?

20 replies

victoriascrumptious · 09/09/2009 10:39

Had a rough day yesterday through lack of sleep, an ill husband and a bad back. Took dd aged 14m to soft play to let her burn up some energy. Soft play was nearly empty so only me and dd in the toddler area. The owners daughter aged approx 14 years came in to help her gran (the owner) after school and the gran asked if it was ok for her grandaughter to play with my dd as she liked children. I am ashamed to say I almost bit her hand off as I was struggling on the floor entertaining dd.

I retired to the seating area with a cup of tea and a cake (only 4 meters away and within direct sight of dd) and let the girl play knocking over blocks with my dd. When I got up to go (about 45 mins later) I gave the girl £2.50 as a thank you for giving me a chance to have a break. The girl took the money to Gran who came out and told me that "I shouldn't have" and tried to give the money back. I refused and it batted back and forth 2 times. Gran said that "I shouldn't do that". I wasnt sure whether this was one of those socially polite things or whether I had actually been out of order by giving the girl money.

Is giving someone elses child money in these sort of circumstances a faux pas?

I have no idea whether I have caused offence or not.

OP posts:

LuluMaman · 09/09/2009 10:41

odd to give a child money for playing nicely with your child at soft play

surely that is just what children do ?

i have never heard of anyone doing this, so no idea what the etiquette was, but i'm sure a bar of chocolate or a biscuit or soemthing would have sufficed as a reward

Alambil · 09/09/2009 10:42

nah, she was being polite

ShowOfHands · 09/09/2009 10:42

Oh no I think it was just a socially polite thing. Honestly, don't worry. How lovely of you.

EccentricaGallumbits · 09/09/2009 10:42

i think you were being kind. and gran was being socially polite.

dilemma456 · 09/09/2009 10:44

Message withdrawn

MissSunny · 09/09/2009 10:47

Message withdrawn

GibbonInARibbon · 09/09/2009 10:53

Not rude at all, actually very sweet

Reminds me of being a child when adults would give me 50p I would be delighted

KnickersandVests · 09/09/2009 10:56

No, you weren't being rude.

You appreciated the break and wanted to show that appreciation with more than just a thank you. £2.50 might have bought her a trinket from Claires accessories or wherever so a nice exchange all round IMO.

nickschick · 09/09/2009 10:57

I would have done the same.

Rollmops · 09/09/2009 11:00

Rude I'm afraid, she wasn't employed by you nor did you ask her to do you a favour (which could excuse 'tipping her).
She wanted to play with your daughter and it could have been taken as an insult to be offered money for goodwill.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/09/2009 11:00

Did the gran take it in the end? I think you were both being polite

Stayingsunnygirl · 09/09/2009 11:07

Perhaps it would have been better to offer her some chocolate or a cake? But I think both you and she were being very polite and kind.

gorionine · 09/09/2009 11:13

I would not have thought of it but I think it is very nice you did. You were definitely not rude, just very nice!

Original poster

victoriascrumptious · 09/09/2009 11:15

Yes Gran took it in the end Kat. Maybe i'll offer chocolate next time Sunny.

Argh, I have no idea about things like this. Part of me worried whether giving someone elses kid money was a bit like the sort of things men in dirty macs do.

Thanks everyone for responding

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 09/09/2009 12:51

i think you'd be better off offering chocolate next time. if the gran is the owner of the place i can see why she'd not want her GD accepting money off customers for playing with kids for all sorts of reasons. might think it looks professional, might be worried about the implications of accepting money with regards to her insurance (i.e. if she accepted money this time and next time your kid has an accident with her GD has she accepted some form of liability), or most likely she was just being polite and thought there was no need for you to give her GD money for doing something she enjoyed when you were already a paying customer.

SpringBlossom · 09/09/2009 17:33

I can see why you did it (and I think it was a lovely thing to have thought of) but I can also see why she/Gran tried to refused. I am glad they gave in and accepted it. It's great that she offered to help out without any expectation of recompense but also to be rewarded unexpectedly must be a lovely feeling. A bit of free cash when you're 14 is fantastic.

I can't actually believe a 14 year old accepting £2.50 would mean liability if there were an accident... if it did, what's the world coming to!

MorrisZapp · 09/09/2009 17:37

Oh christ. Most embarrassing moment of my life was when I tried to tip my hairdresser and she completely refused it. I just wanted to die.

I know how it feels, but I don't think either of you were being rude. Both just doing that 'fight of politeness' thing like old ladies arguing about who pays for the scones.

TrillianAstra · 09/09/2009 17:40

at fight of politeness.

I imagine the 14 year old wasn't expecting anything but was pretty happy to have £2.50.

TheChilliMooseisasmadasahatter · 09/09/2009 17:51

I think it was a nice thing for you to offer, but unnecessary. It cartainly wasn't rude.

TsarChasm · 09/09/2009 18:00

You sound lovely and it was kind and not a faux pas at all.

Tipping is a difficult area in this country though (I'm assuming you're in the UK, OP?) I always feel awkward about it. When, how much and whether to at all is tricky.

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