to be getting cheesed off about mounting pressure to go to my sister's wedding?

[SpawnChorus]

I suppose this thread is the sequel to this one

In a nutshell, I'm 39 weeks pg and my sister is getting married on the 19th Sept. She wants me to be her (only) bridesmaid, and DH is meant to be playing his bagpipes for them. I warned her from the outset that if she chose to go with that date for her wedding we probably wouldn't be able to make it, as we live about 400 hundred miles from the wedding venue. I have two other little DCs, and I expect that I will go overdue with this one as I did with the others.

Anyway, my sis is v sanguine about it all and is not hassling me, but I think she still thinks I'm somehow going to be able to make it. I'm sure she's being encouraged in this my my (lovely but DAFT) mother who has completely unrealistic views on post-partum recovery. She seems convinced that even if I give birth a couple of days before the wedding I'll be able to make it if I put my mind to it

Now, admittedly I am hormonal and ludicrously sensitive and crabby at the moment, but their overly optimistic tomes when discussing it are doing my head in. I feel like they will think I'm being unreasonable in not putting in the effort, or that they think I'm being unecessarily doom-mongery about it all. I'm probably paranoid, but feel there's just an underlying tone that I'm being a wimp.

Plus I'm still smarting from residual hurt that sis chose a date that would almost certainly exclude me from attending.

I just wish that they would admit that I almost certainly won't be at the wedding, and then perhaps commiserate a bit about it.
Argh!!!!

Get your midwife/consultant to write you a sick note!
Or fake one.

you know in your own mind you won't be going - even if you have had the baby as you say 400 miles with newborn plus two other littlies followed by a day of being pleasant to rellies is not on. You could hardly function as the only bridesmaid with a newborn in tow !

Just enjoy having your baby and stay at home without feeling guilty. And hope that one day she realises quite how unaware she was !

I think your mum has forgotten what its like to give birth and obviusly your sister doesnt know - you will be on massive maternity pads and maybe not up to walking upright I think it is insane please do not go you need to loook after yourself and your family are being very self absorbed not to tell you this too.

I remember your previous threads.

I agree with Allabout me.

Just go along with them, humour them. Phone your sis next Wednesday/Thursday and officially cancel.

They are not going to suddenly have a change of heart and understand your reservations.

She is the one who arranged the wedding so close to your due date. She is the one who has to get married without a bridesmaid in attendance.

Apart from the fact you will feel like shit, what do they expect you to do with the baby whilst you were playing at being bridesmaid?

It is crazy however, I would be tempted to just say that you will see how things go and you will try to make it but give your due date you can't promise. If you go straight for a head on then you will probably upset them all.

Strewth I wish we could all have a word with them on your behalf.

If you don't go will there be resentment or acceptance?

If resentment then you can pull out this thread to back you up!

And the assumption that the baby will be fine (though sure it will). There are lots of minor ish medical things that often require a short hospital stay like jaundice/failure to start feeding properly etc.

The very idea of that journey either before or after the baby would fill me with horror. But then I didnt leave the house for 3 weeks after dd2 was born

My parents tried this on me by insinuating I was being abit precious when I refused to go on a family weekend 200 miles away from where I live 3 weeks before my due date with my PFB. I refused to go - waters broke on the Saturday lunchtime followed by emergency c section so right decision...

Spawn do let us know how it all goes.... perhaps you could get your DH to tell them, in a I'm not letting my wife be put under such enormous pressure type way.

Kerala - crikey! I bet you felt vindicated...well, assuming you had time/energy to feel that way

I think a lot of my irritation about this stems from me rather than my family. I don't think they'll be resentful if I can't make it. I'm annoyed that they are so blimming cheery and positive about me being there, when I want them to commiserate a wee bit with me as I'm gutted that I won't be able to make it to my sister's wedding.

And if I'm completely honest, I am still a little bitter that my sister chose this date even though I warned her that I prob wouldn't be there. I love her so much and desperately want to be there

I think I've come up with a great solution

Why don't you invite your sister to the birth!!
Then she can see precisely why you won't be making it to her wedding (maybe she won't either)
If she declines ask her why it'll be fiiiine!
Come on sis I would really love for you to be there, you can make it gooon.

Genius!