Does it bother you if family members forget your kids birthdays?

[Sunfleurs]

Dd is 3 today. My sister has forgotten her birthday. My dc are the only children in the family.

There are a lot of difficult family dynamics going on here. Firstly my sister is unable to have children and since I have had had mine seems to be quite angry with me and the attention that my dc get from other family members. Gradually since my children have been born she has stopped contacting me and rarely responds to my texts or calls. However she gets very quite angry if she doesn't get the attention on her birthday and at Christmas etc that she thinks she deserves.

Would you say anything to her and would it bother you if your child's birthday was forgotten? I feel sad about things more than anything.

YANBU

It was my ds3 4th bday yesterday and dh's sister didnt remember as per usual and she doesnt remember DS2 - but she always remembers DS1 bday and buys him presents and card.

They are not a fmily big on birthdays but to remember 1 and not the other drives me barmy.

Thing is if i say anything it will be turned round on me (not by dh but the other members of his family)

Yes, as it is always the same people who forget, we always remember theirs and they are generally thoughtless and selfish towards us .

It would bother me if the grandparents forgot.

Aunties and uncles, I'd let 'em off.

If you think someone purposefully wants to ignore your child's birthday, then just let them. Never mention it.

I have an uncanny knack for remembering everyone's birthday. Even people I worked with once but no longer do, I still remember their birthdays in my head.

It would bother me if my parents forget, and before we split up it would have bothered me if inlaws forgot (it would still bother me but now I wouldn't know about it).
But I can't imagine either of the above happening, while they are still mentally with us anyway.

I don't expect my brother to remember, I would be amazed if he even knows when they are. But then I very very very little direct contact with him anyway.

I am slightly put out when my mum's youngest brother (or more accurately I think - his wife) doesn't remember (they send for ds1, but not sure about ds2).

I wouldn't expect anything from anyone else (mum's other 3 siblings or their families, dad's 3 siblings & extended families), although sometimes my cousin sends a card.

I totally undertstand how you feel, I am one of four and the only one with DC. My elder DB and DS always forget my childrens birthdays and at christmas too. It is very hurtful and it is hard not to take it personally. We all love our DC so much and become disappointed when those who should care don't.
Yes we all forget birthdays from time to time, that is the way life is, but to forget EVERY single time is unacceptable, especially when children are involved. If you don't see the children that often birthdays and christmas are the time to send a little present and/or card just to let them know you are in there thoughts.
My advice is to simply move on, yes it is very sad your DS can't have children and that she may find it difficult to accept that you can and have, but at the same time, it is wrong of her to take it out on the children who are the most important people in our life.
Don't mention it to the children - out of mind and out of sight. It is sad but they will probably grow up having no thought for her what so ever.

I'm not good with remembering birthdays. I always remember my nephew (on my side) as he's local and I see a lot of him. There's birthday talk in the lead up etc
Some people need reminding in the lead up, not silently waiting to see if they remember.
I'm also not from a family that ever got cards/pressies from aunties and uncles (they all lived quite far away) and I've never expected mine and DH's siblings to do anything for our DD.

alypaly, the role of godparent isn't about birthdays is it? I think the vows are about ensuring the child is brought up following the faith.

I am not at all bothered if my family forget b.days. Grannie forgot DD1's this year. Of course that was not on purpose though.
However I too would say cut your sis some slack. It sounds as if she is finding it hard.Your daughter will have plenty of attention and presents form others.
I would try and be kind to your sister.

Do you think she wants you to ask if she's angry with you so she can actually talk about her misery regarding not having kids?

If it were my sister I would try to clear the air RE her troubles TTC. It's really easy for people to withdraw from others who have what they want, simply because they have so many conflicting emotions about the whole thing.

Could you talk to her and maybe find a way to be some comfort to her because she sounds like she's going through a really hard time.

I would try not to focus on the missed birthday card but instead try to be there for her a bit more.

It would not bother me at all about the cards but the deterioration in the relationship would bother me a lot

Crikey, I get miffed with my brother because he doesn't do my dcs' birthdays. But to call it "unacceptable" is rather harsh.

The op's sister does not have children, so probably doesn't realise how fiercely protective parents can get when they feel their child has been slighted in some way.

Also, as has been pointed out - there is more here than missing birthdays. We simply do not know how op's sister really feels about the child, given that she can't have children herself.

Children are remarkably accepting of things. My dc have never asked why they don't get presents from my brother although they do from dh's siblings. Equally they never commented this year when they did each get a present because my mother had phoned and reminded him to send presents. It only becomes an issue if you make it into one.

Most children have too much stuff anyway...

I couldn't get upset about it as I'm rubbish at remembering birthdays.

To be fair though, between dh and I we have 17 neices and nephews.

I hate being reminded about dates, I feel really bad if I do forget them but I don't appreciate people assuming I will forget.

It does sound as if the air needs clearing.

There is a difference between not wanting and not being able to have where children are concerned.

You want it to be your decision not to have any, not a decision that has been forced on you.
But if she really didn´t want any, then I think she needs to accept what has happened and start joining in the fun!

I'm very bad at remebering birthdays. In fact I only gave my 10 year old nephew a birthday present yesterday and his birthday was in April! Niether he or my sister were bothered. He actually enjoyed getting a present when he wasn't expecting it. I'm not usually that late but it was the first time I've seen him since March. My SIL often forgets all her nephews and nieces birthdays and then gives them all thier birthday presents at the big family Christmas do.

DSIS has "forgotten" dd's birthday for 2 yrs running now as well as mine and christmas etc but has managed to remember my younger sis, mum, stepdad etc.
I am thoroughly pissed off with her as I have no clue what the problem is and she doesn't pick up calls etc.

So, in my opinion YANBU but i am biased.

Thanks for all your replies.

I didn't ring or say anything, won't make a big deal about it. It was a lovely day and dd had a great time, except for when everyone sang happy birthday, she hid under the table looking at me desperately. Don't think she likes being the centre of attention like that.

I don't know if clearing the air would ever be the way forward with my sister really, she regards any kind of attempt to do so as a vicious personal attack, which has to be defended and many examples raised to prove why the person making the criticism is totally wrong. The whole thing just makes me really sad.