to be furious with dh for telling me to "manage" financially when...

[cariboo]

... I've spent my entire "salary" as a SAHM (don't ask me why I don't work, not now, pls - long story) on buying completely new school wardrobes for dc (girl & boy) for this school year as they have grown like weeds since last spring PLUS all new school supplies (markers, books, bookbags, compass, etc, etc) PLUS extra-curricular activities (ballet, footie) and all the kit that those need. He's just got a new job (starts mid-Sept) but tells me I should have anticipated these expenses & saved accordingly during the preceding months.

Debts!

Also, dh is a control freak. He believes I'm incapable of handling money (far from true! - and talk about pot calling kettle black). The money I have comes from a trust fund on my mum's side of the family - an inheritance. Dh pays all utilities (except my mobile phone) and food shopping. It's a rum deal, to say the least.

You are using your inheritance to pay for your mobile and food?

Sorry, but he sounds like a twat.

Re my not working - I have one child with SN, whom I have to drive to school & back twice a day, around 100km in total, and the other child has health problems (epilepsy - meds knock her out, needs care & support). Also, I live in a country where women are still expected to be at home for the family. School lunches, where available, are hideously expensive. Picnic lunches are not permitted. IT SUCKS!

cariboo, can you just clarify the source of your "salary" - from DH or your inheritance. Because if it's from your inheritance, you really need to give your BH (bast*rding husband) a slap.

I love dh; why, I sometimes do not know Not surprisingly, we've had to have marriage counseling recently but tbh, I would be in so much trouble if I decided to call it quits. The dc know about my "uncertainty" re marriage with dh & are now neurotic about it. Why am I spilling my guts on the internet? Am I sane?

Cariboo - Sounds like you need to re negotiate your 'wages' a pay rise if you like.

Be sure to include school uniform, hobbies and kit. I would also add on the payment for my services ie cleaning, washing, cooking, taxi service for the kids etc, etc.

If he wants to treat you like a hired help, make sure he pays like one!

You're spilling your guts on the internet because it's 'safer' than doing it in RL - you can't take it back when the person who heard is part of your RL, here you can always namechange. Feel free to vent and explore the 'what ifs' here in perfect safety.

yeah, too true - poor dc. Dh & I argue in circles over money - I'd soooo love to work & tell him to get st*ffed. Anyway, can't name change now, too late. oh well!

Well he definitely isn't a DEAR or DARLING husband.

I am quite pissed off with him for treating you like the hired help who doesn't actually get paid by him, and a little bit annoyed at you for putting up with it.

You do know this is wrong, don't you?

2 children, both with SN. Your 'salary' should actually be in the region of about £57,000 a year.
I'm guessing you cook and clean and taxi too?

My dh wouldn't get away with it. But then I'm muslim. The Qu'ran says men are expected to support everything their family needs. If the wife has an inheritance or works, her money is her money

If you live in a country where women are still expected to be at home for the family, then surely men are expected to be the providers? He needs to get his ar*e in gear m'dear ...

I want to point out I dont get an allowance I know what his wages are and what needs to be paid and budget accordingly,that was why I posted what I did forst time round.....

You can't pull money out of thin air. YOu spent what you had to spend. You spent YOUR money on both his and your children.

He needs to put more money into the joint account. OR, tell him that NEXT year, he can pay for ALL the children's expenses, so he'd better start saving and budgeting for that.

What are you supposed to live on?!

He sounds just like my x with money. He creaked when he walked (when it came to ME anyway, always had money for motor bikes, ted baker clothes for himself and skiing holidays though)

I have to laugh - I've told dh (yes, still darling although lots of chauvinistic and other faults) about my post. At first he said he "didn't care" what MN had to say, then (when I mentioned that the kindest thing anyone had to say about him is that he's a twat), he declared he was going to reply to you all himself, then he asked is there a dadsnet? and finally has admitted that he's living in the dark ages, is sorry & will amend current financial tyranny! Many thanks to all of you, again. We know that women are the stronger sex & demand RESPECT! xx

p.s. have politely pointed out that he owes me £37,000 per anum or else!

sorry, that should have been £57,000, according to theDMshouldberivened (did I get that right??)

you did. Tell him you'll accept installments

Go Cariboo! Sorry, joined the bandwagon a bit late but was peeved for you at his financial treatment of you! But glad you put him in his place