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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt that my husband doesn't seem to want a night out with me?

36 replies

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 04/09/2009 09:16

My parents, for the first time in...well ever really have offered to have the kids for a couple of hours tomorrow so me and dh can go out.

I am dead excited. Or at least I was. DH otoh, seems distinctly underwhelmed. He wants us to get a new computer and the idea of taking £20 out of the computer fund for a couple of hours out seems a problem to him.

He just doesn't seem bothered. I want him to be looking forward to spending some time alone with me. He seems to be seeing it as a chore.

Am I just being mardy?

btw - when I told him how I feel, he gave me face but didn't reassure me that no, he DID want to have some time with me, when I said I felt hurt (and i did just say it - no shouting, no tears, no dramatics!) he told me to drink my tea and calm down and it was too early for "all this" and now he's buggered off upstairs.

OP posts:

Original poster

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 04/09/2009 11:58

Thanks folks. I must admit that I am getting to the point where I fear that my feelings are me being unreasonable and I question myself. Part of me anyway. the other part of me is so frustrated that I could really take a hammer to his head and see if I can get through to him that way.

OP posts:

warthog · 04/09/2009 12:16

the 'you're just like your mum' line is bloody awful. it effectively invalidates what you've just said.

i would say 'don't change the subject.' or some such.

def go out with or without him. but i'd encourage booking dinner somewhere nice. doesn't matter if you go alone, take a book with you. plenty of people do that in my neck of the woods.

glasgowlass · 04/09/2009 12:40

Take the £20 and go out for a wee while yourself!

My Dp did this to me a few weeks back, it was my 31st birthday and we had arranged to meet friends for food/drinks/clubbing as my parents had DS. It was to be my 30th again as I was pregnant last year on my birthday.

Well with 20 mins to go before we were due to go out he declared he didnt want to go as it "was my kinda thing" not his!? Think he expected me to stay in, I went anyway and had a good time, no way he was guilt tripping me into staying in on a night that had been planned for months!(my mum had to take annual leave to watch DS)

So you go out, go somewhere nice for food/coffee whatever but most importantly enjoy yourself. He is the one who will be missing out.

sandcastles · 04/09/2009 12:49

"well maybe my mother is the way she is as my father always dismissed her feelings, juts as you are doing with me. Maybe if he had listened to her & acknowledged how she felt just once in a while, she would be a different person"

Anniegetyourgun · 04/09/2009 13:01

XH used to do that when I explained something was important to me. He'd either say "don't be silly" with a little laugh, or claim that someone else had put the thought into my head. If I criticised anything he did or failed to do, he would say "You've been talking to your sister, haven't you?" Well I do talk to my sister quite often, as it happens, and fail to see why it is supposed to be a bad thing; but as for her being able to tell me what to think, she despaired of that a long time ago!

Note the X.

diddl · 04/09/2009 13:14

Arrange to go with a friend.
Cancel your parents and leave him to babysit.

Thunderduck · 04/09/2009 13:19

I'd take more than £20. Go out with a friend and enjoy yourself.

He sounds like an emotionally abusive twat.

Bibithree · 04/09/2009 13:27

I have a similar problem, leading me to buy a ticket to go see a show on my own, out of sheer bloody mindedness. I'll come out on the town for a few hours with you, provided it's Cardiff

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, and like the other posters have said, go out anyway.

Original poster

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 04/09/2009 13:56

Thanks all. It's good to have an actual, honest to goodness, listening ear!

OP posts:

berno · 04/09/2009 15:30

here's an idea worth pracitising.
try not taking his criticisms as such ... for example, if he says you are like your mum keep calm and say something like "well, that's hardly surprising as I am her daughter so we'd better get used to it, so is there a problem?"

over the years, I have applied this logic to various criticisms (home, work, etc) and it's amazing how things remain calm, including me.

must be depressing not having the support of the person you've chosen to live with for the rest of your life.

whatever happens - go out tomorrow and enjoy!

berno · 08/09/2009 09:47

we are all desperate to know ... did you go out and enjoy yourself? did your husband show some sensitivity?

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