To have wanted to be a SAHM and now hate it and cant adapt

[godblessmothernature]

I always wanted to be a SAHM but I have been off for a long time due to problems in preganancy and PND which Im getting through my partner works long hours 8am to 9pm mainly,he likes to go out for a drink a few times in the week , I love it , mean I know but I can have the children in a routine and I know he wont come home and want to see them after he has been working late.
I feel so crap at having to ask for money when I used to be so independant, now I hate staring at four walls and want a career, adult conversation and my own money to contribute to their future I feel That I am being selfish as this was what I wanted was to have kids and be with them but now I cant breathe and need more mainly to be able to be secure abd be able to contribute and say I did that AIBU.

It is hard in some ways (having done SAHM and what most people would consider a "hard" job!).

Godbless do you see other people in the day? Perhaps try to meet up with other likeminded SAHPs could make all the difference. I too would go mad if I went for days without other adults to chat too. Hanging out with friends who are also looking after similar aged children can be good fun rather than drudgery.

I took 2 years off work to raise my children and I hated it. I was exhausted all the time and my older child was very difficult, I couldn't even go to the shop to buy groceries without him taking tantrums!

I went back on a 3-day week and it's the best thing ever. My job is stressful and I sometimes end up tearing my hair out but I'm earning my own money (unfortunately most goes on childcare), I have time away from my children, the day goes faster, I can do my shopping without kids being present and I talk to adults. It's bliss!

SAHM is for some women but not for others. Sounds like you're in my category, OP!

I think it depends on the child and the mum whether it is the hardest job ever or not!

Thing is godbless, I think maybe being a SAHM seems wrong to you because you're basically a single mum, not just a SAHM.

I wanted to be a mum too, but I didn't want the baby's father to be basically absent leaving me to do ALL the work ALL week long. That is bloody hard. OK, so he works long hours but he doesn't need to go to the pub. I don't buy it that it's better he doesn't come in and disrupt them. Better that he comes in and takes over and gives you a chance to have some time off. Then the SAHM thing would seem alot less to you imho.

I'd try to get the baby's father alot more involved before I judged whether being a SAHM suits or not....

Was it Dave Barry who said that parenting isn't hard, it's just that you can't do anything else while you're doing it?

True story.