Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to have put my foot down and caused a rumpus.

50 replies

pickyvic · 02/09/2009 22:21

i think i had let this situation go on for too long...but ive just spat my dummy out with a pushy mother...

my DD was involved in a charity thing over the summer hols - it involved 4 girls and one of the girls mothers was the adult coordinator. she volunteered herself but was taking it very very (!) seriously

the charity they chose was not in my mind a legit charity - they chose the catholic church (yes you heard right - the catholic church) so i had a hard time finding the enthusiasm and funding for my DD, but i donned a smile and did my best

she has had 6 weeks of hard work, sponsored walks, tombolas, bun sales, raffles, and going to church 3 times a week. in the midst of this she contracted swine flu and had a couple of weeks off, one of the other girls has done nothing to contribute while 2 of the others have been doing loads, but they are catholic. my DD was somewhere in the middle....having done a fair bit to contribute until she got ill.

tonight mrs pushy phoned me to tell me my dd was required for the next 4 days for events etc....i said i am now working full time and couldnt manage to get her to them all and mrs pushy totally spat her dummy out with me! she said it was imperative she be there for the next 4 days - she really lost it! i couldnt believe it...she was rude and obnoxious and said my DD hadnt done enough because she had been absent for 2 weeks with the flu. she expected me to allow my DD to go to run a tombola tomorrow and then come home to an empty house because im at work, (not knowing there was anything scheduled i had made arrangements to take my DD to work with me so she isnt alone all day.)

so upshot is ive told her to shove her charity where the sun dont shine and take my DD s name off the books. DD was in tears over it and i made the decision that it just wasnt worth the agro. it was due to finish sept but they said it may well be extended, i cant commit the time any more, and it was voluntary anyway. i felt like i was being told off by the headteacher the way this other mother was carrying on...

have i been unreasonable to put a stop to this so near to the end? i feel sorry for my dd but she agreed she had had enough and was frightened to say anything. the thing is there are prizes up for grabs and im sure this team might be in the running due to mrs pushy working them to death....if they do win anything she wont be part of it anymore but tbh the girls she was working with on this werent very nice kids (very pushy and opinionated) and my dd doesnt seem that bothered....but she will be if they win!
i wish id put my foot down earlier...never again!
aibu?

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 03/09/2009 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyicebean · 03/09/2009 19:14

Not all of us Catholics are brainwashed/unchristian/bullying the others to support their religion-oh,and heartless not giving a fuck when one of them is ill.

It strikes me that the mother in question is one of the types who bang on and on about how much she has done for the church.

IO can see why the church is trying to raise money as the loans from the Diocese are high in interest.

diddl · 03/09/2009 19:20

If your daughter has had enough and was looking for a get out, YANBU.

And I agree, buy her something, or donate something toa charity of her choice with her.

Original poster

pickyvic · 03/09/2009 19:23

dear god
if you are up there and your listening please zap this thread, thankyou and amen.

the second coming - i have no issue with catholics. my dd goes to a catholic school. and i pay per term to the diocese for that privalage. i do have an issue with the pushy unpleasant woman i had a run it with last night.(she wasnt very christian i have to say.)

and yes -i also took issue with raising money for the church when the catholic church as an institution is very rich, i dont see why the kids should slog their guts out because the diocese is too mean to lend the local church (that my dd never normally goes to) the money as it happens, but i went along with it all the same and said nothing. can i ask you how you think it went down when i asked my mulsim boss to sponser her? or asked people who are in the midst of a recession to sponser her? it went down rather like a lead balloon. BUT that was by the by - and i was glad that people agreed with me on this - it gave me the confidence to feel that i had done the right thing not because of the charity but because i was being walked all over and so was my dd, we were being expected to re arrange our lives to fit around a bloody tombola and a car boot sale because this mother is super competative. i have said never again!

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 03/09/2009 19:24

YANBU.

Squitten · 03/09/2009 19:31

YANBU

I get that the Church needed a new boiler and I get that they were raising money for it and I get that this woman wanted to contribute. All well and good and you did volunteer to be involved so I don't think you can really complain about the cause - nobody forced you.

That said, this woman is obviously a nutball and it is voluntary so if you and, much more importantly, your child want out, then you get out. End of. Sounds to me like you did the right thing.

oldraver · 03/09/2009 20:21

Sounds like the pushy mother is after church brownie points

thesecondcoming · 03/09/2009 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 03/09/2009 21:51

Do you think someone should point out to mrs pushy that the CC are one of the richest organizations in the world!

MermaidSpam · 03/09/2009 22:51

"She's an idiot. I'm guessing there was no concern shown when your dd was ill....?"

How much clearer can I be? Do I need a disclaimer stating (not because of her race/religion/sex/age......)?

If I add "as she wanted her back to work so quickly" to the end of the sentence, will that calm the paranoia?

MermaidSpam · 03/09/2009 22:56

Apologies pickyvic,

Regardless of the chosen charity, you were right to do what you did as the woman is clearly nuts

Disclaimer - I have nothing against the Catholic (or any other) church

EyeballsintheSky · 03/09/2009 23:02

If the church wasn't the issue then why mention it? Your problem was with the parent so why bring the Catholic church into it at all? Except you did, you had a bit of a moan about it. And just for the record, the Catholic churches rely on charity just as much as the next church. They have buildings to pay for, those oh so popular schools to help fund. That's the Catholic school that you said your daughter attends, despite not being Catholic, so why shouldn't she help with some fundraising? The Pope doesn't write out a cheque each month.

Original poster

pickyvic · 03/09/2009 23:03

cheers mermaid and i can actually confirm your original suspicions....your right - she didnt give a flying fig when DD was ill, i got a phone call after a week saying keep her at home as they didnt want to infect anybody elderly that they may be helping!

the woman is nuts. thats why i asked myself why the hell i was putting up with this rubbish and put my foot down! (a little late maybe but better late than never, i was giving her the benefit of the doubt!)

OP posts:

Original poster

pickyvic · 03/09/2009 23:05

oh dear - eyeballs you obviously didnt eyeball my posts very clearly when i said i pay a cheque to the school per term....did you have a catholic schooling? if so it clearly didnt teach you to read.

OP posts:

MillyR · 03/09/2009 23:10

The Catholic element of this thread is absurd. Yes, the Catholic Church is a rich institution, but as there are 1 billion Catholics in the world, a church boiler in Britain is probably not that high on their helping people out fund priority list.

A lot of Catholic areas in Britain are short of money at the moment because so many Polish people have needed support in settling in Britain and have gone to the church for support ( I am not Catholic - the Polish support was widely reported in the newspapers).

The charity angle is simply that it is for a boiler for a building used by the community. I don't believe this is an issue that bothers Muslims. I would have no issue with a charity raising money for a Mosque or any other religious local community building.

If it was for a C of E village church, I don't believe anyone would think a boiler fund was a weird charity! This is an odd, anti-Catholic thread.

Original poster

pickyvic · 03/09/2009 23:16

no its not! its an anti nutter mother from hell thread, its got sod all to do with catholics! it just so happened that the charity thing was to raise money for the church....and while i personally didnt like it i lumped it and said nothing! theyve got my money ffs!

to recap - my post was about whether i was being unreasonable to have put a stop to the whole shebang 3 days from the end of the whole thing....not because it was for catholics! or have i just not made that plain in OP? cos ive read and re read and im sure that what i was asking was AIBU to have put my foot down with a pushy horrible mother who was demanding my childs time for the next 4 days despite there being nobody in the house to come home to? for the record again - i asked her if she was attending these events if she could go back to her house to be told no! so ive pulled the plug - not before time its seems.
my DD has had a hand in raising over £1000 pounds for the fking church. if i was anti catholic id be asking for my money back! that was not the issue. the issue was the other mother making unreasonable demands and then having a go when i said i couldnt do it all!

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 03/09/2009 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MermaidSpam · 04/09/2009 00:06

I do agree thesecondcoming - I wouldn't class either a hospital or a church as a charity (just my personal opinion).

"Charities:

Are set up for a charitable purpose
Are not profit-making ? so any surplus they may make must be used only to further the organisation's purposes
Are independent ? that is, they are not a part of any governing department, local authority or any other statutory bodies"

MermaidSpam · 04/09/2009 00:07

Also,
www.institute-of-fundraising.org.uk/informationaboutfundraising/forfundraisers/regulation/whatisacha rityorvoluntaryorganisation.htm

mathanxiety · 04/09/2009 05:27

Well, I'm a catholic, but I would never dream of roping in anyone who wasn't for any cause where their active participation would be required different to ask someone if they wanted to come to the bake sale, but I would never ask anyone to bake something. The woman sounds like a cow. YANBU to be really mad at this woman for making your DD work to support something she might or might not have any interest in, and for being so completely OTT and rude about demanding her presence. She sounds like a horrible woman I'd be interested to know if your DD actually learned anything positive from her experience. Hope she has got over the flu and isn't too traumatised. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughter. I hate charity types who treat the real people they deal with like s#^t.

mathanxiety · 04/09/2009 05:29

Seeing as your DD won't get anything if Mrs. Pushy the team wins, have you considered getting her something from you for the effort she put in?

franklymydear · 04/09/2009 06:40

I'd make bloody sure the priest knew the situation

warthog · 04/09/2009 06:56

pickyvic, i think you did the right thing. and i would have a think about talking to the priest at any rate. not sure i'd actually do it though!

CheerfulYank · 04/09/2009 07:07

Well, I had a great post planned and then mathanxiety said it all. (shakes fist) :O (I'm only a sorta Catholic though-not raised or confirmed but do attend CC as I really like our local one and that's DH's religion. On a side note, say you're in my shoes and arguing with a Catholic DH, and say he's being really annoying and whiny, I would not recommend sighing and saying "You Catholics sure like your martyrs, don't you?" It will not be appreciated.)

Poor OP's daughter. Trying to do something good for cryin' out loud!

donkeyderby · 04/09/2009 07:37

I remember your original thread. You were not at all happy about your dd doing this and didn't agree with the charity and you thought this woman was unreasonable and difficult. Lots of posters suggested you pull out before it started...

So why did you let her go ahead? It seems to have come to an unpleasant but inevitable end.

Perhaps next time you need to go with your instincts and save your dd from lots of uneccessary work

Flip

1 2