To not tell other mums about our neighbour

[mariemarie]

Situation is this - Last year the man who lives 3 doors away had his house raided by police and computers seized. It was later in the local news that he was convicted of downloading and using child porn on the internet and also of having pictures of child porn in the house. The police spoke to immediate neighbours and confirmed that non of the pictures involved any children in our road.

Anyway, he got a suspended jail sentence and lost his job as a teacher. His wife is also a teacher and is standing by him.

My neighbour is having a party this weekend for her daughters birthday and they are having a disco in the garden. I know for a fact that her garden is visible from this mans upstairs window as he lives immediately next door to her.

This girls mum has NOT mentioned any of this to any of the parents whose children she has invited. And it is the kind of party whereby you drop your children off and collect later.

FWIW I am going to let my children go to the party because I genuinley beleive they will come to no harm. However, do you think this mother has a duty to inform other parents.

I am quite friendly with some of the mums and have even wondered if I should say something but DH says I should keep out. There is no point in suggesting to the mum that she informs any of the other mums because she obviously has no problem with it seeing as she has recently given his wife a key to their house so that she can come in and feed the cats while they are on holiday.

What would you do?

II would tell the other parents. The mother hosting the party should have told them, and I would have a talk with her first and tell her you are going to tell the other parents. The fact that the criminal justice system doesn't take pedophilia seriously doesn't mean parents and society in general should follow suit. Philip Garrido (US kidnapper in the news recently) was visited at his home by police who 'investigated' complaints as well as by his probation officer on numerous occasions, and none of these law enforcement professionals realised there was a kidnapped young woman and her two children born of rape living in sheds in the garden.
This is not a question of forming a lynch mob and hounding the criminal out of the neighbourhood. The neighbour hosting the party should have told the parents of children who were invited because it is their responsibility to decide if the garden is a safe place for their children and they can only make this decision if they know the facts. It is not up to this woman to make this decision about other people's children. This woman could easily have decided to hold the party elsewhere -- there are plenty of places where a group of children could enjoy themselves.

The thing with people being told is that in fact it is not helpful to anyone. Children need protecting, generally, in the same ways, every day, no matter who is around them.

Parents can take their eye of this ball if they fixate on one known offender.

We need to be generally vigilant and keep our children in appropriate and safe situations, and then we are protecting our children and stopping offenders being able to 'use' them in any way.

mathanxiety - how do you know that paedophilia isnt taken seriously in the UK? Do you have professional knowledge of this area that gives you concern?

Errr ....He (a former teacher) got a suspended jail sentence?

People who may take photos of children are all around.

This place is no more or less safe than any other - they are in a garden. Children play in gardens all day.

Anyone could be watching at any time.

im with mathanxiety on this, i think people think the law has served justice to this teacher. im not for getting a lynchmob together but peadophiles are not dealt with appropriately as there are not the resources to do so. i know this from experience, they are supposed to be checked on every month but the reality is once or twice a year.

but people do get a lynchmob together, you might not be all for it but it is exactly what some people would do

Thanks for your replies. I have thought long and hard about this all afternoon and have come to the decision that I will not mention this to anyone.

I disagree with one of the posts though that suggest that he is obviously not a danger to society seeing as he was given a suspended sentence. The simple fact that he has downloaded indecent images of children means he is a danger to society. The other thing is that his wife is also a teacher and is standing by him which I struggle to understand.

Also, I know that he cannot physically harm any of the children at the party but I still feel that each parent should be able to make an informed decision and I think it is wrong for my neighbour not to tell them. But, I dont think it is my place to say anything, although I do want to. Not to cause a lynch mob or to ruin a party, far from it, just to let parents make a choice about where THEIR child goes.

To be honest, I think that if my garden was in view of his house then I would NOT be inviting my daughters classmates round for a garden party.

My neighbour has a rather large house and has said that she hopes it doesnt rain because then she will have to have the disco inside. The space is no problem, its just that she doesnt want the mess. Which, I do understand, however, under the circumstances...

ihate, i think that shows that as with any crime, prevention is far better than punishment which as we know can often be a very blunt instrument. That's why we need as adults to be generally vigilant and keep our kids in protected and safe situations.

May I add that we need to help each other keep all our kids in protected and safe situations?

Mathanxiety, the children are on average at bigger risk from one member of their families than from a stranger, who is in his house and not attending the party.

It would be a different matter if he was invited. Being just worried about the known, convicted offender also is a risk in becoming less worried about those who are not known.

Which is one of the many reasons why I'm so firmly against Sarah's or Megan's law.

So do you think that everytime the neighbour's child has a friend to play, that the mother should inform the other child's parents? If they can see you neigbours garden, then presumably they can see yours also - do you prevent your child from playing outside?
A disco is going to be fully clothed, how is that different from the man sitting in a park watching the children?
Sorry, just genuinely don't understand the problem.

I work in the criminal justice system and I can tell you that it DOES take sex offenders seriously. MrsMag outlines how it works. I have worked with some of these men.

I agree wtih most of the people on here. Makes no sense to tell everyone. He is not going to attack the children. They are not at risk. He might not even be at home when the party is on!

If he is, he might look at them but as others have said, paedophiles might be anywhere looking and there is little we can do about it. It's not your party so I really don't think you should act.

If you are still really concerned then speak to the parent holding the party about what they should do.

No, don't do anything. Let the little girl have her party. If you tell everyone people may well not turn up.

wriggle jiggle - actually, you presume wrongly that the man can see into my garden. The houses are all detached and not in a straight line, the way that garages are situated mean that only my immediate neighbours have visibility to the rear end of my garden.

And no, I dont let my children play out at the front in the street, they are a bit too young for that yet. I will do in the future but as I said previously, I am happy for my children to go to the party.

if it has been in the local news then i would imagine that other parents have also seen it.

re him taking pics ... if he was convicted of child porn, these pics are oign to be very different to those that he would be able to take photos off if he did take any.

have to say tho, this or a similar story was in my local paper, did he work in a comp by any chance?