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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's attitude to my judgement re tv viewing

41 replies

mathanxiety · 01/09/2009 20:19

AIBU to think this is a bit much: my neighbour has a DD who plays a lot with my own 7 yo DD. All goes well when they play outdoors, but the neighbour thinks she has a right to say to her DD, if they play in my house, that her DD is not to watch tv here, and to say to me that her DD should not watch tv in my house. I only ever let my children watch bbc-type stuff and very harmless dvds, no Disney, nothing inappropriate for their age. Sometimes the two girls end up playing together for long spells in the afternoon, and sometimes they get bored or my DD wants to watch her favourite programme. But the other DC has obviously been brainwashed against tv and sulks until she gets either my full attention or my DD ends the tv session and plays. I find myself in the position of having to entertain this child quite a bit, provide craft supplies and then clean up the mess they create. The other child is also, from my observation, used to eating a lot in the afternoon, (possibly from boredom). But really, the original question -- has someone else a right to dictate to me what I can let her DC (and mine too since they're plating together) do in my house? Plus I feel that my parenting practices are being judged by this woman...

OP posts:
Original poster
mathanxiety · 01/09/2009 20:21

That's playing, not plating..

OP posts:
wilkos · 01/09/2009 20:21

it is a bit much - yanbu

HecatesTwopenceworth · 01/09/2009 20:23

Yes, she has every right to not want her child to watch tv. Just as you have every right to allow yours to watch it. Neither of you should judge the other! Solution - send her child home when yours wants to watch tv. Every time.

crazycanuck · 01/09/2009 20:23

yanbu

wilkos · 01/09/2009 20:23

at plating

you may find that your dd and this girl will naturally grow apart if they don't share the same interests anyway, in which case problem solved

KingRolo · 01/09/2009 20:24

It sounds like she wants it both ways - for her DD to spend ages at yours under your care but also to set the rules. I'd have a word with your neighbour to try to clear the air a bit.

Fnergle · 01/09/2009 20:24

What Hecate said.

wilkos · 01/09/2009 20:24

oh yes, what hecate says. very wise

paisleyleaf · 01/09/2009 20:25

yanbu
If my DD had a friend who got up to things at home that I disagreed with, I would avoid her playing there.
You can't be telling people what to do in their own home.

Incidently my DD does have a friend who I feel is on the wii playing games I don't especially like the look of on an unavoidably huge tv. I do limit her time there.

choosyfloosy · 01/09/2009 20:26

Very tricky - YANBU. I don't actually feel that I could go against this sort of thing, but would struggle immensely to entertain other people's children without EVER resorting to the one-eyed babysitter. I do feel it should be other people's houses - other people's rules, and if she thinks telly is so awful, perhaps she shouldn't let her daughter play with children who are contaminated!

Having said that.... if she feels so strongly that she says this, I think you are hogtied. Sorry.

Hassled · 01/09/2009 20:26

What Hecate said. Just send her home without any pissing around or debate the moment your DD wants to watch TV and you're happy for her to watch TV. Neither of you are beung unreasonable, but it's your home.

LovelyLulu · 01/09/2009 20:26

Does she also ban computer games? They could go on an educational website together....that would occupy them.

YANBU, a bit of telly here and there - that's almost all parents who would be judged!

HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst · 01/09/2009 20:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn on request of the poster.

hercules1 · 01/09/2009 20:27

We dont have a tv anymore but it doesnt bother me if dd watches it at friends houses. Just send her dd home.

GypsyMoth · 01/09/2009 20:28

er, whats wrong with Disney anyway?
just send the child home,she isn't going to be able to stop her child watching tv for much longer anyway. she'll lose control over that one eventually!

hercules1 · 01/09/2009 20:29

ILoveTiffany - my 13 year old doesnt watch it anymore either!!

CloudDragon · 01/09/2009 20:30

hecate said it best. I don't put tv on when friends around because it's a bit bad that they can't entertain each other

but I would never complain if another child watched tv at their friends (unless it was for hours in which case I would be miffed)

I would love it if my dc got bored watching telly though, think that is pretty impressive!

MIAonline · 01/09/2009 20:31

I don't see why they need the TV on if they are playing together, unless you are looking after her in a childcare between friends kind of way iyswim.

Once they had got to the point of boredom, send the other child home and let your DD watch it by herself. Don't really understand two 7yo getting together just to watch TV tbh.

GColdtimer · 01/09/2009 20:32

what Hecates said, she is very wise.

So next time it happens, give your neighbour a call and say that your DD wants to watch a bit of telly and you know her feelings on TV watching so could she come and get her please.

Don't worry about being judged by her - she is being really precious.

(By the way, what is wrong with watching Disney films? My DD is addicted. Now I feel judged )

Original poster
mathanxiety · 01/09/2009 20:33

The problem with sending the friend home is that my DD then has no-one to play with, which seems unfair to my DD. They play nicely together and it's just the tv viewing that seems to come between them. BTW I don't have the tv on all the time, and limit it for my own DCs. I'm not judging this neighbour, or am I? She's asking me to change my house rules because of her prejudices/beliefs. What she does in her own house is her own business, and my DD plays happily there, but comes home too full after snacking all afternoon to eat much dinner -- but surely what I do in mine is none of hers? It wasn't that much of an issue in the summer, but I can see it getting under my skin when bad weather comes and they just have afternoons after school for playing.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 01/09/2009 20:34

I dont get the connection between snacking and no tv. My kids dont eat any more food than they did when we had a tv.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 01/09/2009 20:38

Neighbour has no right at all to dictate what you do in your house - unless it was something actually dangerous. YAdefinitelyNBU there.

What does the other child do when at home and mummy has run out of steam? Read a book or do some drawing or something presumably.

You should not have to entertain her while your DD has her TV - she can sit in another room and read a book or whatever it is that she does during more restful periods.

If it is the case that her mummy actually does entertain her all the time, it's no bleedin wonder she's fobbing her off onto you!

GColdtimer · 01/09/2009 20:39

I think its just a comparison - OP doesn't tell her neighbour that her DD can't have snacks when she is there, even though it annoys her, so why should the neighbour set the rules for when her DD is at the OPs house.

I think.

MIAonline · 01/09/2009 20:40

'The problem with sending the friend home is that my DD then has no-one to play with, which seems unfair to my DD.'

Just tell your DD to play with her friend without the TV then and her friend won't need to go home.

Original poster
mathanxiety · 01/09/2009 20:41

Sorry to Disney fans -- I think I meant the Hannah Montana and teen kind of stuff, not the fairy tales. This neighbour frowns completely on computer games and educational websites. We don't have wii or any other game systems. She's quite a nazi (hmmm, judgmental) about media, actually. It's all creativity and imagination, and all snacking, all the time in her house.

OP posts: