Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why there are so many Unplanned pregnancies

64 replies

worldgonemad72 · 01/09/2009 11:06

HI all

A friend of mine has recently told me she is pregnant after a 1 night stand, while i will support her with whatever decision she makes i just dont understand how, that in this day and age people can have an 'unplanned' pregnancy.
I know contraceptions are not 100% effective but if used correctly there should be a lot less unplanned pregnancies surely??
Ive spoken to her about it and she says she was on the pill but she sometimes forgets to take it at the same time etc, when i asked her about whether they used a condon she said no as she was on the pill!! what about STD's??
Is it just me that thinks if you dont want a child then be over careful?

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 01/09/2009 13:39

They have been pretty reliable for me in terms of contraception. And in terms of a one night stand, are a much, much better option for decreasing the risk of STD transmission than not using one.

Nancy66 · 01/09/2009 13:41

beanieb - yes I know it happens but, equally, it's often down to the person not having their wits about them.

the combined pill is pretty much 100% effective if taken properly. I've got a friend that became pregnant when the pill 'didn't work' - upon closer examinatin it turned out she was on holiday in India, had a tummy bug and sickness and it didn't occur to her that the effectiveness of the pill would be compromised.

it was a happy ending, so no harm done but it's a good example of the pill supposedly 'not working.'

beanieb · 01/09/2009 13:44

but they do break and they do fail.

I just don't think judging people is that helpful.

Anyway - I think I have responded to this kind of thread so many times over the time I have been on Mumsnet and I don't have the energy anymore. Just wanted to say that I have had a double contraceptive failure and so I know it happens. I have also never had a one night stand.

I don't think it's really fair or particularly constructive to judge people who find themselves pregnant unexpectantly, once they are pregnant then for them personally I am sure how it happened is not the most immediate thing on their mind but rather what they can do about it now.

Best I leave this thread because it's in AIBU and I am guessing it will just go on and on over the same old ground...

TheFallenMadonna · 01/09/2009 13:49

I was an unplanned pregnancy, and so was my niece. In fact, my family has been rather prolific in this area

I'm not making a judgement, beyond saying that having a one night stand without using a condom, as in the OP, is not a sensible course of action, and I'm surprised that people still do it after years and years of publicity and education.

draughts · 01/09/2009 14:10

I have to agree regarding the one night stand and not using a condom is worrying, BUT the same as beanie I know from personal experience that double contraceptive failures do happen. I actually think that condoms are worse than the pill, once they have broken it is too late whereas you (hopefully) know when you have missed a pill and therefore don't do the deed.

The morning after pill is something I would never take again, no matter what as for me it didn't work, except to give me a 2 day period where I thought 'phew that worked', only to find out later that I was in fact nine weeks pregnant.

Morloth · 01/09/2009 14:14

I took the morning after pill once. It made me into a screaming psycho bitch from hell. To the point where I actually had to go out for a day and sit in the car alone because I was worried I was going to hurt DH/DS. Never again.

Hormonal birth control + me = BAD

If we have an accident again I am just having the baby.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 01/09/2009 14:32

well then maybe if contraception isn't 100%, not having one night stands?

MoonHasMosquitoBites · 01/09/2009 15:41

TheFallenMadonna I hope you don't have to eat your words, my DS2 was conceived using condoms - good quality, in date and yes we know how to use them! No sign of a split that we noticed. When I went to the doctor he basically said 'yeah condoms are pretty crap really, protection is less than 90%' which certainly isn't what they say on the pack!

babyignoramus · 01/09/2009 19:08

My sister's friend has tried every contraception - different brands of pill, condoms, implants, injections and the coil and they all failed. She now has 6 children, and her husband has had the snip.

paisleyleaf · 01/09/2009 19:12

I always remember Roz on Frazier saying: "the pill is 99% effective ......... I can't beat those odds" !

frogwatcher · 01/09/2009 19:14

Ive had unplanned pregnancies - contraceptives were used correctly - just I was the 1% or so it failed on - more than once!!. My midwife was sterilised and had a fourth - now that must be a shock! My friends dh had the snip and a couple of years later they had their third! Unplanned!

Northernlurker · 01/09/2009 19:17

I agree that the pill is only as good as you are at taking it. I managed a decade on the mini pill with no unplanned pregnancy at all but I was very, very careful - took it at the same time, if I missed one obeyed the two weeks rule and the same for d&v episodes etc. The fact that when I did want to get pregnant I was able to conceive very quickly was just further evidence to me that we couldn't muck around with this and get away with it! Of course all this wisdom was gained on the back of an unplanned but very much wanted pregnancy with dd1

CitrusZest · 01/09/2009 23:32

I've had two unplanned pregnancies with DH while using contraception. My two sisters have each had two unplanned pregnancies too. Some people are just extremely fertile! Trying to persuade DH to have the snip now!

RoryGilmore · 01/09/2009 23:34

YANBU- my 'D'SIS had an 'unplanned' pregnancy. (bollocks) thing is, she'd had at least 3 unplanned (and very much unwanted) pregnancies previously - she just never thought anything of it!!

RoryGilmore · 01/09/2009 23:38

and dear god, plenty of people manage to use contaception totally successfully for the whole of their lives, until they decide to TTC.

15 year contraception worked for me. First time I (deliberately) didn't use it, I fell pregnant.

Yes, contraception fails, yes, the MAP fails.... the majority of unplanned preganncies are due to total lack of contracteption, and the VAST majority of unWANTED pregancies are down to a combination of ignorance about contraception and ignorance about possibility of contraception.

RoryGilmore · 01/09/2009 23:39

wow, grammar anyone?

sushistar · 01/09/2009 23:41

It surprises me too sometimes. At least - I guess it does not surprise me if poeple are drunk or stoned or they are very young - hormones and risk taking and all that. That's what young poeple do. But is surprises me when well informed intellegent women who KNOW what could happen and are old enough to have a voice in their heads moderating their behaviour get pregnant 'by accident'. That surprises me because it puts them and the partner in such a difficult situation. And for a percentage of them (if it's unplanned AND unwanted) it may lead to them deciding on termination which is an awful experience.

YANBU. It is surprising. I wonder too.

sushistar · 01/09/2009 23:43

Sorry, I was not including people who used contraception but it failed in that - I think that's duifferent, and very bad luck (if you don't want to be pregnant). I was only talking about people who use nothing at all.

Original poster
worldgonemad72 · 02/09/2009 07:59

HI all

Havin read through all the posts i can understand that contraception can fail even when used correctly and if that happens then your either lucky or unlucky depending how you look at it.
Im not judging anybody that has had an unplanned baby and i definately dont think that every unplanned means an unwanted baby (my mum an dad didn't plan me)
Btw what does readin the Daily Mail have anything to do with this??? the only reason ive used this as my 1st post is that its something ive been thinking about since my friend has told me she is pregnant and i wanted to see if others had any thoughts/experience on the subject.

OP posts:
Deemented · 02/09/2009 08:05

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a totally unplanned pregnancy. I was on the pill and we used condoms. So feck knows how it happened, but it did.

skihorse · 02/09/2009 09:00

YANBU - I think there are a huge number of people out there who are sloppy with contraception. I have had a large number of sexual partners - a lot were one night stands - mostly drunken - and yet, not once have I fallen pregnant when I didn't want to!

I once read a report which suggested that contraception is effective but when doctors were allowed to interrogate the women involved - they admitted that they'd actually forgotten to take a couple of pills and were embarassed to admit it. Or, as Nancy suggested, they'd been sick - and too thick to realise they'd compromised the effectiveness.

FFS if you can't remember to take the pill, get an implant.

I've also seen it reported that many women who sub-consciously want a child are "sloppy" with contraception - and use pregnancy to test a man. I don't care if that's PC or not - in my experience there are a frightening number of women out there who've "tricked" a man in to becoming a father.

skihorse · 02/09/2009 09:01

Oh and I don't buy this "carried away in the heat of the moment" bullshit either. I don't care how hot & horny I am - there's always a voice at the back of my head saying "stop, rubber up".

WidowWadman · 02/09/2009 09:14

I was surprised by the number of people who used withdrawal method (fairly unsuccessfully, obviously) on another parenting board I used to read.

I always wondered whether a lot of these 'unplanned' pregnancies were actually subconciously wanted, but without being able to admit it to themselves.

skihorse · 02/09/2009 09:32

lol @ WidowWadman Yes, I've seen similar messageboards myself. Personally I use the power of positive-thinking "I will not get pregnant by this lunatic. I will not get pregnant by this lunatic."

GoAwayMrWappy · 02/09/2009 09:39

Thats right skihorse, we're all just stupid and sloppy.