For refusing to pay for the holiday?

[PringleMunster]

Me and DP both like our independance so when we moved in together we arranged it so that the household income was split 50/50 and all bills and outgoings were also split equally.

This meant that we were both left with the same ammount of disposable income in our personal bank accounts at the end of each month.

Anyway, as DP and his son have never been abroad, we decided to start saving for a 'cheapish' holiday to Greece.

The deal was that we would both save up for half of the cost equally as we both have the same ammount of disposable income.

So within a month of us agreeing this I saved up half of the deposit. I then asked DP how he was getting on with his saving. He told me he hadn't saved anything as he had 'no spare money'

I asked how this could be true under the circumstances and he'd basically gone out and spent £200 on clothes.

I let it go and just reminded him that as I'd already saved up my half of the deposit, the rest was his responsibility. He said he'd have it by the end of the next month.

In this time I managed to save another £300 towards the overall balance.

At the end of the month I asked DP how much he'd managed to save and (assuming he had at least £250!) I suggested we think about booking something.

His face lit up and he blurted out "we have all the deposit?? great!" I said "I have half of it, I take it you don't?" and he said "not yet, I've had a lot of outgoings this month, you have enough for the whole deposit though, you pay that and I'll pay more towards the overall balance"

I can't trust that he will. He has a terrible record with money (part of the reason I wanted seperate accounts) and if he can't even manage to save £250 how is he going to contribute towards the rest of the £2k???

So I've told him that unless he has his half of the deposit by November, I will be using the money I have saved to take me and my DC on holiday without him.

He thinks I am being unfair and 'tight' and very, very unfair to his DS. I am now getting the guilt trip "DSS has never been abroad, why do you begrudge helping us?" etc etc.

I do feel bad for DSS but why should I have to pay for everyone? we have the same ammount of disposable income, I just don't waste mine on crap.

AIBU?

not sure i would call a 2k holiday cheapish

as you both 50/50 at the moment - can you increase the amount you put into the bills/mortgage/rent and then put the extra into a saving account

if you can save £300 a month towards a holiday, you obv have a lot of dispossible income

dh and i spilt bills 50/50 as we both earn roughy the same - so we put the same amount into our joint account each month and all bills/mortgage/food etc come out from that

People who are crap with money almost always stay that way. They might learn handy tricks like opening letters from the bank but ultimately, they don't catch "better with money" from their partners.

So you need a rather more sophisticated system than assuming that two identical disposable incomes will be disposed identically.

It's enormously unkind to punish a child for the failings of its father and, if you are the family you claim to be, that's exactly what you'd be doing by taking yourself and dc off to Greece. However, you could circumvent the father's hopelessness with money by some practical tactics like standing orders. Make it absolutely clear that you won't be putting the cost of holidays on your credit card but that you will help your dp to save up for them.

If he agrees that he is crap with money, and wants saving from himself, would he agree to some other way of managing your household? For instance if he were to pay the amount agreed to YOU at the beginning of each month, as soon as he is paid, then you could save for the two of you?

A jointly agreed co-operative approach might work better towards the desired outcome than this 'I won't if you won't ' approach. Though I agree with you about NOT paying the whole deposit.