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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cancel DS's lunch with his friends tomorrow?

27 replies

MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 16:36

He has invited two of his friends for lunch tomorrow during the school lunch break.

This afternoon he spread sun cream over the BBQ, the chute and our dog.

The dog was not happy and had to be washed.

I have said that he is not allowed to have his friends around tomorrow. He also had to wash off the sun cream.

It is not the first sun cream incident, but it is the first time that he involved the dog.

He is 5yo.

OP posts:
2anddone · 31/08/2009 16:38

If you didn't give a warbing that this would happen if he spread sun cream every where then yes yabu. But if he knew spreading sun cream equalled no friends round then yanbu!

2anddone · 31/08/2009 16:38

sorry that should be warning

Original poster
MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 16:40

Um, I had no way of knowing that he would spread sun cream around.

I did not even see him take the suncream.

Am I only supposed to punish him for actions that he has been warned against?

OP posts:
deaddei · 31/08/2009 16:47

His friends would probably be upset....but I understand where you're coming from.
Maybe an early night, and say how upset the dog is......

Original poster
MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 17:05

He has a tendency to play with lotions.

Sun cream, baby cream, shampoo...

It is not just the mess, it is the waste.

I know his friends will be disappointed, but I have to find a way of getting through to him that his behaviour is not acceptable.

OP posts:
lou031205 · 31/08/2009 17:06

Punishment doesn't fit the crime, imo. But, you are the parent, so...

campergirls · 31/08/2009 17:18

There are two big strikes against this plan, IMO:

  1. the punishment doesn't fit the crime (and for me, it's too far away - 5 yr olds need immediate consequences, not something delayed til tomorrow).
  2. You would be punishing his friends, who haven't done anything wrong (not in your house, anyway!).

If I tried this on my kids, they would be so furiously resentful for the above reasons that they would just think I was WRONG, and I wouldn't get my point across.

I would try something else. I am a strong believer in the natural consequences approach to misdeeds, so making him lose playtime to do the clearing up, apologise to everyone (ncluding the dog!), and bear the cost of replacing the suncream would do it for me.

Original poster
MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 17:31

ok, I get that.

He had to clean up. Will make him apologise to the dog.

Problem is that he has had to do the clean up before. It does not stop him doing stuff like this.

Can't make him pay for the cream. He has no money

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 31/08/2009 17:37

what about next time you go to the shop, explain you cant buy him sweets because you have to buy suncream?

Or is there something else he has on a regular basis?

campergirls · 31/08/2009 17:40

it won't make him stop doing things like this, he's 5! getting hangovers doesn't stop me drinking wine and I've had a lot more chances to learn from bitter experience...

Original poster
MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 17:51

campergirls
You are supposed to be cheering me up.

Ok. Will explain to him the exchange rate of sun cream to haribo.

And hide all the creams.

Thanks all

OP posts:
prettyponies · 31/08/2009 17:54

It might annoy friend's parents as well - they have kept the day free in their DS schedules, and may have turned down other invites and opportunities?

It would annoy me mightily, and I probably would think twice about accepting another invite from you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2009 17:56

i dont think there is anything wrong with punishing a child with taking something away the next day

at 5 he is quite old enough to relise his actions have consequences - though he may drive you insane tomorrow now he deosnt have friends round to play with him

he knows not to play with the suncream (poor dog) YET he still did it

but as you said, i also know wine gives me a hangover, but i like drinking it

Original poster
MmeLindt · 01/09/2009 12:04

Spoke to him again about his behaviour and said that he could have his friends around. He was happy and said that he did clean everything up really well.

They had a great lunch, and are playing in the garden now. Going to take them back to school shortly.

Thanks for the advice, it was definitely the right decision.

OP posts:
claw3 · 01/09/2009 12:17

Wow i think this is the first AIBU thread that i have seen where someone has actually taken on board the advice that was given, instead of just arguing their point and trying to make themselves right regardless.

Glad it went well for you.

diddl · 01/09/2009 12:22

Does he have a favourite toy that you could take away if it happens again?
Can you lock the lotions up?
TBH,5 sound quite old to me to be squirting lotions about.

But I think you were right not to cancel the lunch date.
Glad it went well.

nappyaddict · 01/09/2009 12:29

If he has a tendency to mess around with lotions then keep them out of his reach in a locked cupboard.

claw3 · 01/09/2009 12:34

If we are going down the 'lock the lotions up' route.

By locking them up, you are not giving him the chance at 5, to learn from his mistakes.

claw3 · 01/09/2009 12:42

Mmelindt - If he is always squirting lotions etc, the kid obviously enjoys getting in a mess.

I would be inclined to throw him out in the garden give him a pile of mud, hand paints, water or whatever and let him knock himself out.

You shouldnt squirt lotions everywhere and if you do X will happen. If you want to get in a mess, go play in the garden with mud, paints etc, etc.

Original poster
MmeLindt · 01/09/2009 13:23

I am not locking up the lotions. For one thing, they are spread around the house and I don't have enough high up cupboards to hide them in.

Additionally, I feel that he is old enough to know that messing with lotions is Not On. If he were 3yo then I would blame myself for not tidying the sun cream away. At 5yo he knows that he is not allowed to play with them.

He does like making a mess. I will make sure he knows that playing with water in the garden is ok, (no paints, we live in rented accomodation and he has already "decorated" enough walls)

Thanks again.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 01/09/2009 13:30

What about chalks and washable paints for the garden so he can make a mess with those and then hose it away when he's finished? Mud pies are another thing most boys love to make.

Original poster
MmeLindt · 01/09/2009 13:48

Good idea, our chalks are almost done. Will get some new ones. I don't think that I have ever seen washable paints for the garden. Or do you mean just normal paints?

No mud pies, that would drive DH batty.

OP posts:
claw3 · 01/09/2009 13:55

Hand paints perhaps not a good idea, multi coloured dog!!

Empty washing up bottle filled with water and let him squirt away. Doesnt give you the squiggy feeling though in between your fingers like lotion does,shaving foam is great, squirt on a table you can squirt and squig,just like lotion.

nappyaddict · 01/09/2009 14:38

Cornflour mixed with water gives a good squidgy feeling.

nappyaddict · 01/09/2009 14:40

We use the readymix paint from ELC it's about 80p a bottle.