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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to ask this babysitting favour?

41 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 30/08/2009 17:04

In short, DH and I rarely go out in the evening together due to lack of
babysitting, however we bought concert tickets ages ago thinking by the
time the concert came around we would be able to sort something. Looks
like we can't. Our only family who are vaguely nearby are my ILs (25
minutes away) but they are on holiday and in any case are not keen
babysitters. DH wouldn't countenance paying a sitter.

I would (and have occasionally in the past) asked a local friend to babysit if it was a few hours, kids already in bed job. However to get to this concert we would
have to leave before the DC were asleep and would be back late. I do not think it is fair to ask any of my friends to do this as it would be 7.30-midnight at least and they all have family babysitters so they
don't need me to reciprocate. I would ask if it was an emergency but not just because there's a band me and DH fancy seeing. DH annoyed at me because I refuse to mither my friends, ILs not helping by going on
about how they never had family help but were part of great babysitting
circle. Am IBU to not ask friends? We can sell tickets so won't lose money.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 13:31

I would tell him he needs to sort this out or he won't be going. Why should he dictate he won't pay but won't com eup with anything else.

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 13:42

I wouldn't ask friends-it is a situation where you need to pay a babysitter. I would leave the problem firmly with DH, he needs to find a babysitter or sell the tickets. Don't get involved-tell him it is up to him and don't discuss it further.

violethill · 31/08/2009 14:19

I agree pisces. There is no need to ask a friend and then feel guilty. Ask someone who will be really glad to earn the money - teenagers or students on vacation from Uni are a good bet, and chances are your children will enjoy it more anyway if they're still awake.

Mine always loved the teenage girls who looked after them.

SoupDragon · 31/08/2009 14:22

Maybe use this as an opportunity to set up a babysitting circle?

MrsMerryHenry · 31/08/2009 14:23

DH not wanting to pay: . He's got to be practical: either you go out or you don't.

In any case why not just ask said friend and then reciprocate when they need a sitter?

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2009 14:50

only problem is then pisces is that dh may sell the tickets

if it were me, i would be pissed off to find that instead of dh organising a bs, he sold them

therefore i miss out

SoupDragon · 31/08/2009 16:11

Take a friend to the concert and leave your DH looking after the children.

nannynick · 31/08/2009 16:30

If DH won't pay for a babysitter... do as SoupDragon suggests, leave him at home to babysit - while you and a friend go to the concert.

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 19:01

SoupDragon has the best solution-perhaps he will then pay-I can never understand those who won't go out because they have no family to sit-there are lots of perfectly nice students who would do it-or start the babysitting circle.

pinknosedevereux · 31/08/2009 20:26

I can't believe all these people saying just pay a random teenager! When I was a teenager I babysat all the time. 1 of the first things I realised when I had my own dc was I would'nt ever do it; What good is a teenager in an emergency?I know 99 times out of a 100 nothing will happen, but you never know.

My ils and parents are 100s of miles away, so we nearly always ask friends. I'm always keen for them to ask me in return and an homemade cake or a bottle of wine doesn't go a miss. Even if they don't need evening babysitters you could offer to feed cat/golfish when they go on holiday or pick up kids so can get some peace.

Having nights out together is important it helps you remember why you're in this together.

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 22:22

I babysat as a teenager and was very reliable and quite capable! My DS babysat friend's DCs-in an emergency (if he couldn't cope) he only had to phone me. If you get a 6th former they can manage! You don't have to get a random one-I advertised and interviewed and saw them with DCs first. I left contact numbers and could have been home quickly. The teenager's mother was also at the end ogf the phone. A teenager can be as good as a 40 yr old in an emergency-it depends entirely on the teenager. By 6th form age a teenager can be married with a DC of their own! They can be in the army-they can be doing all sorts of things. They can take the red cross course in babysitting-they may well be the St John's ambulance person who is doing the first aid at a big fete etc. I always paid when I was a single parent-it would have been taking advantage to ask friends.Feeding the goldfish doesn't match up.We already looked after each other's DCs in the daytime.
When I was married I belonged to a babysitting circle.
I can never understand people who won't go out unless they have family.Teenagers seem to have a very bad press-there are lots of super,mature, reliable ones about.

pasturesnew · 31/08/2009 22:26

I quite like babysitting for friends nearby, even though we're lucky enough to have family to do it for us most of the time. I can watch crap telly at friend's house without DH wanting to change channel!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/08/2009 22:56

Pay a babysitter going rates or pay your friends a token amount to assuage your guilt at asking them!

And tell your DH to get his head out of his arse re paying for babysitters. That's life.

cat64 · 31/08/2009 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 31/08/2009 23:14

ok, where are you in the country ?

I will do it for 30 quid and a big bar of Galaxy

Phoenix4725 · 01/09/2009 07:15

ds at 15 as been known to babysit for friends dc and he is more than caperable of coping as he has 2 lot youger siblings and ould cange nappy and cope withupset toddler better than xh ,plus he knows I am on phone if needs to .Think its not so much age but there matureity

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