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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be p****d off?

39 replies

southernaccent · 29/08/2009 10:58

Okay, I am a lone father going through a divorce and need advise on whether i am being reasonable. I have 3 DDs who live with me full time from a previous marriage. My stbx has one DD who lives with her full time. We split up 11 months ago. I work, she does not. Her DD is 11 and i understand finding work can be hard, but I have to. I left as the relationship was in a mess and the DCs we not happy. I rented a small place. I have paid the mortgage and maint to her for a 5 bed place we both own. The maint i pay is equivilant of what she receives from the father of her DD. I paid to help her family out of a mess a while back. I gave extra money on her DDs birthday. I have agreed a 50 50 split on the house, one years maint also to come out of the house sale. this is despite me putting in 70% and she put in 30%. We were married 3 years. All contents i have said she can keep and there are some good ones. We agreed this by ourselves a while back.

However, over the last six weeks her attitude has changed drastically, I suspect based on new advise, or that she may be seeing some new fella who is advising her. My solicitor has been waiting for 5 weeks for her to confirm the details of our arrangments. She refuses to communicate with me now. The house has sold and is on track for completion within 4 weeks.

Am I being unreasonable to want to be treated with a bit of respect? To have confirmation so me and my 3 DCs can plan our future? Would I be out of order to write to her and say all bets are off and see you in court? I am so p**d off and would welcome a mums view. Sorry for the rant

OP posts:

Original poster

southernaccent · 01/09/2009 18:37

Yes, I was advised by my Sol that it was a short marriage so should be fine. However, we are capitalising the maint offer so she will get 50 plus % from the sale. If she is seeing someone else, as i suspect, then i would of thought that was a good offer because by the same token, I could have the maintenace reduced/stopped if she were to move in with someone.
Thanks Pocket!

OP posts:

Original poster

southernaccent · 21/09/2009 10:37

Finally, after 8 weeks since the offer was made, she has fianlly written to the solicitor to confirm. The letter was dated two weeks before the date my solicitor received it, and only a couple of weeks before the joint house completes. All a bit pre meditated I assume. Sad how people get their kicks, especialy when children are involved and this has held up our lifes for a year.

I have tried to offer to stay friendly as we live in the same town, 2 of our children go to the same school and it is now so awkward when they bump into eachother. Her DD has recently started dropping snide remarks, i tell mine to ignore her, remain polite and keep a distance now. My offers are just met with venom via email, especially since she got a new boyfriend. I can only hope that means she is moving away as soon as she gets her money, which is good if that is her stance. If she is not, then she certainly is not thinking of making her children's life any easier which is sad. Do things calm down in this situation? I would hate to think of this going on for ages, everyone watching over their shoulder.

However, a new start now feels possible and just around the corner.

OP posts:

roulade · 21/09/2009 10:48

It sounds as though you are well shot of her!

Original poster

southernaccent · 21/09/2009 11:09

Thanks, I was far too soft due to feelings, now i see her for what she is and my DD's come first forever now!

OP posts:

poshwellies · 22/10/2009 18:18

[Hmm]

POST REPORTED

Monsterspam · 22/10/2009 18:30

What have you reported, poshwellies?

CheerfulYank · 22/10/2009 18:32

I'm confused by the reporting too...

But anyway OP sounds like you are not being unreasonable. Good luck to ya.

fabnewlife · 22/10/2009 18:33

let me answer that. This is my stbxh, he is also my abuser and cyberstalker. He has had post on abuse threads pulled under the name LuckyBoy45 and was flamed and had a thread pulled last week under this name. He will no doubt continue to stalk but under a new guise.

blowbroth · 22/10/2009 18:37

Poshwellies, why? Are you the other half from the story?

blowbroth · 22/10/2009 18:38

Thanks fab. Sorry to jest

MagNacarta · 22/10/2009 18:38

Goodness you poor thing, he came across as very genuine.

fabnewlife · 22/10/2009 18:48

He will always twist to his advantage. What he has failed to post is that on the day he moved out he allowed two of his THREE children to text abuse at me as he knew I would have blocked him, hows that for him telling them about respect etc.

Marmaladenotmarmite · 22/10/2009 20:21

I thought he posted about periods and his daughter the other day in relationships? Or am I getting mixed up?

fabnewlife · 22/10/2009 21:09

marmalade, he is not loneparent. The post about both sets of parents being supportive bears this out, his parents have disowned him and the maternal grandparents were ostrasised.

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