AIBU to think that this philosophy is only O.K in certain circs?

[Ninks]

Got chatting to my next-but-one neighbour the other day. He has long greasy dark hair, tattoos all over, badly-drawn ones, on his neck, hands, face and all. Dodgy beard and lives with his Mum. All very good for getting turned down for jobs even though you are young and fit as you like.

He admitted that he has a two year old "kid", but he is not allowed to "see it".

He has spent most of the summer holidays in his Mum's garden playing with DD, (sadly) and the other neighbour's DD and supposedly SAHD most days.

Anyway. Was hanging washing out when we had a chat and he said, "I don't care if someone's a teacher or social-worker or ... they are NOT better than me. Nobody is better than me! We are all the same!"

Now the bloody idiot has acquired a second-hand Staffie dog and already he is leaving it to its own devices in the garden and it is digging it's way under the fences to my toddler.

The oher day he heard that the nice couple across the road were wondering who he was and he confronted them on their doorstep swearing and shouting. He admitted trying to wind up the bloke by saying that his GF was ugly.

He told me this when I was hanging washing out. He admitted trying to make a bloke who has a job and supports his child, hit him and get in trouble and was amazed that he didn't. He couldn't see that the man was thinking and never will.

Is nobody better than him? AIBU?

Well they've got strong leadership from me. All the bull terrier family as well as other dogs can be dangerous in the wrong hands, yes. The owner sounds like he might need guidance, he sounds a bit childish TBH. Most of the staffs I know are gentle, however.

Oh Ninks, I'd be staying away from them as much as you can possibly help it. Tell them you can't afford to lend money if they ask.

YANBU to wary of the dog either.

Oh you know what I mean!

Ninks, speak to him. Tell him you're worried that the dog is scaring the kids. If he's bent your ear and thinks you get along he might be receptive

One of the sweetest and most gentle dogs I have know was a staff..beautiful temperament..it's all down to the owner

Yep, I think dogs are as good as their owner, I do. And that they all "love children" until they turn.

And faster and more muscular and with massively stronger jaws and pointy teary teeth.

So if a dog-owner can't even look after himself in his Mum's house where he pays no rent or council tax and scavs food fpr the dog from the neighbours?

Nobody is better than him

You don't get to be 'better' than another person by being richer or prettier than them. Some people might be better at running, or singing, or cooking, or fixing televisions than others but that doesn't make them Better People. You're probably a better person if you do kind and useful things for other people than if you spend your time hurting other people and trying to improve your lot at the expense of theirs.

lots of people are better than him at acting in a grown up, caring and mature fashion.

He might be better than most at frying eggs or origami or rolling a joint

Solid is spot on. Money doesn't mean a thing. Some people get it into their heads the more judgey and nasty they can be the better they are. They don't realise a whole section of society (chavvy staffie owners like me) are judging them in return.

LOL @ 2shoes, re escaping dog.

I blame the parents.
Whatis his mother thinking?
What sort of monster has she created?
I am judgey this morning and yes, I am better than him.
I have a job
I have 2 children
I would love a dog but have to work all day so there is nobody to look after it

Sorry, whose DD is he playing with - his own? Not yours surely?

What Orm said for me

And you know- a lot of whats going on wopuld reek of MH issues as someone said

So a better person would abstein from assumptions

That does not mean taking risks with your kids or anything else- just being aware that you cannot possibly know without a back story; charity and all that.

besides, if he really does have serious problems then being rejected by people who think they are better (as in more valuable, rather than better behaved) than him will worsen his issues rather than rehabilitate him.

I am a fan of judging. I judged most of the people stuck in the traffic jam with me ysterday, for example (pased the 5 hours LOL) BUT I don't produce valuations for peoples worth when I do not know why they are where they are, especially if there are reasons (living with Mum) to suggest thay may have extra things to contend with.

He seems to be going out of his way to tell you he is a 'decent bloke' etc, which would suggest that he knows there are lots of reasons for you to think otherwise about him.

As for the staffie...I always thought they were one of the less dangerous bull terriers??? Anyway, it is because the poor dogs attract owners of this calibre that they tend to get this reputation. I used to have a staff cross english bull terrier (but due to what it did to his profile he looked more like a lab!). He was incredebly sweet and willing. While I dislike either of those breeds, by experience owning a cross between them always makes me want to stick up for their temprement, if not the scum who generally seem attracted to owning them.

Judgy-pants in the wash this morning and rant-fuelling wine no longer clouding my mind

Yes he's been playing with my DD all summer over the fence linking up their DS games, water-fights etc...

Could well be MH issues, LD now that I've typed that...

As for the second-hand dog, I suppose I'd feel better if it were a fluffier type and a puppy, not nine months old. But what do I know about dogs? Maybe that's still really young and a trainable (?) age.

So he's not a total shitbag then if he's nice to your children. Maybe it's a mixture of MH issues and prejudice he's experienced elsewhere that makes him feel he needs to justify his existence

ninks, it's massive the difference love and stedy care can make to a dog at any age BUT equally any dog can turn on a child if left alone, and this increases when the dog has a troubled history.

Mum adopted her last dog (died at 13 last month) from a terribly bad situation, and he was lovely but never left alone with the boys at any stage

Oh and the justificatiopn thing could be guilt- esp. if he's a decent sort. I can't work atm due to circumsatnces beyongd my control (though am looking for aprt time) and I am forever not only justifying it but getting really rather defensive about the whole situation, and it is becuase I feel very guilty opver it all.

On reflection IABU, probably because he reminds me sooooooooo much of ExH. My problem, that.

Peachy it's awful that you feel guilty and defensive. Your DC aren't older teenagers are they? And one DS needs extra care IIRC.

Didn't you also co-ordinate SureStart / Homestart before the centre closed? You sound lovely!

Actually 2 are SN LOL

But have a very deep work wthic, and yes I was a SS/ HS co-ordinator

And guilt is my midle name

Why am I so thick at understanding peoples posts ?
I don't understand what you mean about him being a SAHD and I don't understand why he is playing in the garden with your DD and I don't understand how he is next-door-but-one but your gardens ajoin
i do agree with Ormiron that nobody is better than anyone else , just DO better.Big difference.

Don't worry katiestar, I don't understand all that either...

That will have been the wine

Chap next door is SAHD.

Chap I was judging last night lives next door but one.

DD and he play over the fences not in my garden.

I'm wary around dogs. Even 'big friendly ones who won't harm a fly'. A dog which even looks like a fighting dog makes me queasy with fear.