to try to teach my son how to lose

[edd021208]

my ds is 4 and likes playing games such as shopping list/lunchbox/bus stop (I think sometimes called 'lotto' games). I usually let him win but as he is starting school next week I thought I'd see what would happen if I 'won' so I did yesterday and he had a screaming fit. Today his dad 'won' and again ds screamed and screamed. I've tried to explain that he won't always be able to be the winner but he can't accept it - not a huge worry I know but I'm concerned about not being around to help him navigate things like this...

not a battle its a war would be a great line if he understood what it meant.....and i was only winning little bits of games so it applies!
I think the emphasis on the game being the thing must be it...but at the same time there will be competitions and loss in life so a bit of understanding of that must be sort of a good thing? no?

i taught my asperger son how to lose

by doing it over and over and over and over...you get the picture!

oh the pain....

I won around 50 games of connect 4. Now ds usually really wins as he has learnt my sneaky moves. I did the same with draughts. Dh did the same with chess. They have to loose these games initially to learn how to play them.

Now with Monopoly, frustration etc. I have been known to "forget" to take him, or to "not have enough money" to buy a property. But only so there is a balance in the game.

"Best of Three" is a constant cry in this house.

My dad always loses on purpose and ds doesn't like playing with him as much as a result. He's not stupid.

ok so I've learned - don't always let him win (i have to a bit, he's just 4 so not really going to win) and don't make winning a triumphal thing.
I'm grateful for all the advice but admit to feeling like I've been too indulgent for ds's own good. In general he is easy and patient and super nice to his baby sister so presumably he'll get the hang of losing too. Its not easy!

He'll get the hang of it. But your instinct is correct - he's getting to the age where letting him win will result in screams if he doesn't.

ha! gratulations poo poo - classic! He has also started repeating the praise we give him 'i'm really good at running' 'i'm a really good big brother' - time to change tack a little I guess so as to avoid him becoming insufferably conceited....I can keep the secret knowledge that the sun shines out of his bum all to myself!

After all they are clever enough to know you are letting them win - so when you stop letting them, who knows what they imagine...that you don't like them any more or something. I think it goes deeper than just not winning.

Ds's lack of caring about winning has been a remarked upon problem with his soccer team, and he always comes last in cross country just because he chugs along quite content to look at the trees, and wave at the crowd.

So being a poor loser - if it makes you determined to win is not always a bad thing.

YANBU.
My Ds is 11 and has been a poor loser always! Good luck!

thirtypence - my worry is that we've gone so far that he expects to win, to be a winner all the time, I don't think he realised I was letting him win! Surely he wouldn't think I didn't like him anymore if I win? I'll have to wreathe it with hugs I guess...spoonful of sugar
Your ds sounds sweet...

If he's not spotted that you are letting him win then he can't think you don't like him anymore. You could always try new (harder) games and let him know that they are harder and so it may take a while for him to win.

TBH I think school will cure him.