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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel as if my life has suddenly changed, the morning after starting to read "Buddhism for Mothers"...

46 replies

ScarlettCrossbones · 25/08/2009 13:14

... honestly, I'm completely non-religious but the chapter on anger (which I jumped to first!) just blew me away.

And it's not been a particularly good day either - DS (4) has had 3 big tantrums so far already ... but I just feel as if I'm drifting along on a cloud of good karma atm ...

Am I being naive to hope it will last?!?!?

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 25/08/2009 15:19

Just popping in to get this on my threads list. I have always loved Buddhism. It is difficult for me to step back and see my emotions and let them pass rather than giving full vent to them. But a reminder to try is always good

FlamingoBingo · 25/08/2009 15:24

I've just been lent Buddhism for Mothers of Small Children, which is, I think, her second book. Ought I to read Buddhism for Mothers first?

Re. meditation - try 8 Minute Meditation - very irritating in that over-enthusiastic way some American books can be, but very helpful if you can embrace the cringe-factor.

Also marking place on thread. I stopped after about 2 chapters of New Earth as well - anyone managed to get through all of it? Should I perservere? Along similar lines I should imagine.

Pitchounette · 25/08/2009 16:31

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 25/08/2009 16:32

Message withdrawn

ZephirineDrouhin · 25/08/2009 16:46

Is it possible to garden as a buddhist? What do you do about snails, slugs, aphids, codling moth etc? I find pest control in the garden horrific.

ZephirineDrouhin · 25/08/2009 16:51

(I have just ordered some nematodes from an online gardening shop. They will eat codling moth larvae from the inside. That can't be good can it? But it will be good for our apples.)

I am very interested in buddhism but am not sure if I will ever be able to square it with the fundamental violence inherent in nature and in the inevitable clash between different creatures' will to survive. Is it possible?

Pitchounette · 25/08/2009 17:00

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie · 25/08/2009 17:05

ive not heard of this but will seek it!

one of ds1 parents is budhist(yes odd,the church were unsure at first if he could be allowed to be).his sense of calm has had no effect on ds!but heres hoping to the future!

BumperliciousVsTheDailyHate · 25/08/2009 17:08

How bizarre, I've been reading this today on my lunch break and was thinking of starting a thread to discuss it. I'm blown away already, I really hope I can put it into practice.

TheChilliMooseisOmnipotent · 25/08/2009 17:14

I'm going to look into getting that book now. I wonder if I should get the one for maother of small children first as DS is only 3.

ZephirineDrouhin · 25/08/2009 17:17

Hmm. That sounds rather unsatisfactory pitchounette. Perhaps it would be more consistent to leave the codling moths alone, let them have their bits of the apples and take what's left. Which is what has happened this year through sheer neglect. (Except of course for the larvae I accidentally sliced in half while chopping the apples for chutney - which is all the apples are good for as they are far too wormy for anything else).

Anyway, I have ordered the book too.

Olifin · 25/08/2009 17:56

So, those who've read it; is it all theoretical or does the book explain in a practical way HOW to meditate and HOW to use Buddhism to make changes in your life?

I know fairly little about Buddhism, despite my brother and best friend being really quite into it (they tell me to read up on it and try it for myself to see what it's all about; and they're quite right of course!) but the one thing which worries me most about it is this idea of not being too attached to anyone or anything. I can live with not getting attached to objects, being fairly non-materialistic anyway, but my OH and children....how can I regard them as anything less than essential to me?

Or maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick altogether?

Pitchounette · 25/08/2009 18:46

Message withdrawn

oneopinionatedmother · 25/08/2009 21:48

re: gardening - this is why Buddhist monks, those on the search for enlightenment may choose not to garden or even have anyone garden for them - just eat fruit from trees. Buddhist monks in SEAsia beg for rice very morning (a common thing to see if you are up early enough in the morning)

themachinist · 25/08/2009 21:48

Wow, timely thread. I have been meaning to order this book for the last day or so; been aware of it for a while, but is needed at the moment.

I have been 'interested' in buddhism for a few years. Been on a few retreats and attended meditation classes, but not since the birth of my DS 2 yrs ago. My activev interest seems to have slipped away due to circumstances. Recently I have realised that I really should reinvigorate it!

I always felt that the 'lessons' i learnt were a bit like coming home (jeez, the cheese), were actually quite instinctic, and certainly acted as a form of counselling.

Habe read extracts of this book online and want it now!

I have some mixed feelings about buddhism. The fact that it requires no real commitment is both welcome and worrying; i think the emotional responses it taught me were amazing, yet on some of the more advanced retreats i went on i felt a bit overwhelmed by the dogma/myths, and started to see aspects of it as slightly ridiculous (maybe felt that i was getting too sucked in?)

I suppose what suited me was buddhism-lite, but as someone who loves to research and delve deeper, that sits uncomfortably with me.

Anyway, a random post, but woud be interested - in a hijacky manner - whether anyone else saw involvement in buddhism as this type of conundrum.

themachinist · 25/08/2009 21:50

ps excuse typos. red wine. v bad karma.

oneopinionatedmother · 26/08/2009 12:31

buddhism-lite is ok - most people in buddhist countries still eat meat, garden, do naughty things etc...piety of the highest kind is only expected of monks, who are quite often fruitarians (ie only eat stuff that doesn't destroy the plant, so little or no veg or cereals, just fruit and pulses)

there is no need to take it to an extreme (just do enough to avoid being reincarnated as a cockroach)

I quite enjoyed visiting buddhist temples and the peaceful nature of some (contrasting with the noise of the town centre ones)

so enjoy you wine now..maybe when you're older you can give it all up to attain enlightenment?

'give me chastity O Lord, but not yet...'

BumperliciousVsTheDailyHate · 26/08/2009 17:25

Themachinist, interesting points. I was just wondering today whether Buddhism is secular.

Buddhism for mothers is quite good (so far) in that it doesn't seem to focus much on the spiritual. In fact, regarding karma, she says that its not about any kind of divine retribution or the universe punishing bad deeds but that everything you do and say has a result. I quote:

'Thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the dead;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character.'

Basically if you thing bad things, eventually you will act badly and you will be all mean and twisted and people will respond badly to you. She says if you want to see into the future look at the present, i.e. how you are now. This has really hit home with me as I am always waiting for things to get better, I assume I will grow into a more beautiful, more patient, more intelligent person, but if I am not those things now and am not trying to be those things then how can I be.

I am really enjoying the book but like themachinist I am not keen on the dogmatic or mythological side. In some anecdotes about retreats and stuff she talks about shrines, presumably that's a shrine to the Buddha? So there is an element of worship involved? And what does it really mean to be a Buddhist monk or a nun? What are they doing?

Whether I pursue Buddhism or not I am really enjoying the book, but I've yet to find out if it offers any practical advice. At the moment while I am reading it I'm really into it, but once I've put the book down I've forgotten.

Any tips on how to put it into practice? I feel like I should write post it notes and put them everywhere.

The main messages I have at the moment are:

-If you want to know what your future life will be like look at your life now
-Do not succumb to your emotions, acknowledge them and accept them
-Accept hardship with equanimity, pain is necessary
-Live in the moment with your child

These all sound really lovely and I imagine myself to be this calm, bounteous, equanimious (I don't think that is really a word) person, partly because I live a lot in me head and really suffer from negative emotions, but also partly because I want other people to think I am this lovely, calm etc. person which I don't think is really the point

Plus there is something really satisfying about succumbing to a really shite day, wallowing in it medicating with wine, chocolate and trashy TV. But I don't think that is very Buddhist either (plus it speaks to a whole load of other psychological issues with regards to making yourself feel better with food, wine and mindless entertainment!).

mollyroger · 26/08/2009 17:26

I loved this book nd had forgottom it, perhaps I need to re-read it.

CommonNortherner · 26/08/2009 18:01

This website has lots of talks to download or listen to online about Buddhism

www.audiodharma.org/

It's really great!

LadyG · 26/08/2009 21:46

Happiness by Mathieu Ricard was very thought provoking for me. Will def give BFMOSC a go (4 and 1 aaaargh). Thanks for the thread.

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