To think that 6pm onwards is family time?

[Zil131]

My Mother in Law (no it?s not a Les Dawson joke...) tends to have no sense of order to her life, or routine, and often eats meals hours later than I would consider a ?normal time?; as does her ex husband, and DPs sister. This means they all tend to just turn up at our house whenever they are passing, and hang around because they like to see DS.
I?m from quite a working class background where tea was on the table at 5.30, and we all sat down together.
I?m getting sick of them all just turning up when I get home from work and hanging around. I?ve even, on occasion, made tea for myself and DS (DP often works late), and sat down and ate, but they just sit at the table and watch...
AIBU because I?m tired, working class and routine focussed, whereas they are all more free flowing, relaxed and just love to see DS (who is the only child of his generation in the family); or can I just tell them all in no uncertain terms (I?ve been hinting for a year) to bugger off and leave me to my family time after 6pm??
(DP kind of agrees with me, but he?s often not around to be irritated by it)

agree with whoever said about the budget - if people are trying to cut down on their food costs (think lots of people on here are!) then it's quite a lot extra to feed a couple of extra mouths one or more times a week

The only thing I can see that is "wrong" with the ILs behaviour is not phoning in advance to let you know they're coming.

6pm onwards - well, I don't think it is "family time", but in any case, they are your family aren't they? Even if you don't consider them family, they are certainly your DS's family.

Well I understand the point you are trying to make - it is quite frustrating when you have been at work all day, have just made tea and are sorting out the kids, etc, and they trolley up for an unannounced visit! I would take the batteries out of the bell and close the curtains and ignore them!

I think if people drop in they have to take as they find. If this means that you finish eating your meal in front of them, and they don't mind being ejected before the kids go upstairs, then happy days. There's nothing worse than people dropping in smack bang in the middle of the tea-bedtime mayhem. My parents always do this, they turn up at 6pm (on the two times a year they bother coming around), they are all lairy with the kids, get them all overexcited, overtired and then they piss off and leave us to get them down. This usually means we don't get to eat until we're half dead and it decimates our precious evening.

Sorry to ramble, but in short, I think unannounced guests are a pain in the arse, especially when you have young children. I'd be mortified if I thought I was intruding on someone's downtime, especially when it's at a premium.

I think if they drop in very often straight after you get home from work then that's spectacularly rude.

Do they do it a lot?

Personally I would just stop answering the door.

Ok I'm excesively OCD, and they are all very laid back. I'm also moody when I've not eaten; and I can't be faffing with having to invite then to eat with us when it's 2-3 times a week, always random days and they don't want to eat at 5.30 anyway. But would be happy to sit and watch...
And yes they are all always late for everything!

God this would really annoy me. I cannot stand unexpected visitors, I think it's the height of rudeness. (I don't care for visitors much at all, if I'm honest )

My mum has called EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at 7pm for about 5 years I have asked her and asked her to call later, because that's when I'm reading to ds, and getting him ready for bed, but she continues to do it. I think she does it out of spite

Nope, YANBU. These people have already started to piss you off, and as your feelings of resentment are starting to fester, it's best that you say something. You could perhaps do it in a jokey manner so that they're not offended?

There's no way I could cope with coming home from work tired and hungry, dealing with kids, cooking dinner and then having my family pop round when all I want to do is relax. Good luck with getting it sorted!

They perhaps have no idea how you feel, and might even be mortified that you hate it so much.
Tell them!
That said, I do think it´s bad manners just to drop in!

YANBU at all!!!!

Tell them that you love to see them with DS but you're finding it a bit much lately as work is really busy and would they mind calling first?

Hopefully that will work which gives oyu the chance to complete Step 2.... Hello! ...Is it ok to pop round?.... Just dishing up the tea, give me half hour to eat and change, then yeah it's fine

I grew up with quite a large extended family and this worked really well with all of her SILs (there are 6) well all bar 1 who was told very bluntly that turning up on Sundays with her 3 children and DH without a call and sitting in peoples chairs whilst food was on plates!!! and Mom and me had to stand was NOT ok and to bugger off!

Still don't talk to that particular Aunt unless it's a family gathering as her sarcasm towards it grates my nerves.

Anyway, good luck x

Seren... do you always answer and talk to her though ?

Noooooo

I often let the machine pick up. And then she calls my mobile. And then she texts me because she's worried that I didn't pick up

It's all about the control, and I've learned over the years to not pander to it.

Maybe because she's DS's grandmother she thinks she's family? You're going to have to tell her that nowadays "family" means you, dp and ds. I'm sure she'll understand.........

I had a great relationship with my Grandparents and am trying to encourage the same with my (hippy) mum & dad and DH's (elderly methodist) mum& dad.
Both have a lot to offer...
I'm a massive fan of fresh organic food and because it costs more, have my meals pretty well planned.. it used to really annoy me when anyone turned up at mealtimes because I didn't have enough food.
I now have a big stockpile of stuff I can cook instantly ( and very easily) in the cupboards and freezer.
I used to treat the visits from family as 'hurdles' I had to get over to get back to normal.... now I treat them as a little break from the routine where my kids get a bit of attention from people who need to be with them to appreciate them fully.
It was a change in attitude from me that made a huge difference... I'm embarrassed by how precious I used to be

I wouldn't want people dropping in regularly and would say something. If it was just once a month or something I'd put up with it but 2-3 times a week is silly. I don't think I'd want to be visited that often anyway to be honest. I would just say something like "I know you like to visit at this time but it really isn't that convenient because we prefer to eat early. I would rather you arranged visits in advance so we could arrange them so they don't clash with our meal times. I know you eat later so this doesn't affect you the way it does me."
I would never deliberately visit someone when it is their meal time. It's rude so I think fair enough if the reluctant hostess is a bit rude in return.
Having children doesn't give other family members the right to come and visit the kids whenever it takes their fancy.
They will probably grumble at this but it's better than you internally seething and resenting them.
You could ask husband to get this message across, but as it often sounds as though he's not there when they invite themselves in I'd tell them yourself.

Sorry... is it 2/3 times a week?
Perhaps you could ask DH if he would arrange visits to them too... once a week at yours, once a week at theirs...