to keep saying no to my neighbour's 5 yr old when he wants to come in and play?

[onthepier]

I live in a cul-de-sac, as do several other families with children similar ages to my two. Generally, all the children play out together, but they are normally allowed in the other houses if they want to play inside, including my house.

The problem is with my neighbour's 5 yr old. Some of the things he's done in my house are:-

got hold of my body lotion, (he forages for things!), mixed it with water getting cream on the carpet,

deliberately hidden household keys and taken ages to tell me where,

sneaked into the kitchen, only for me to find him with his hands all over some meat I had defrosting for dinner,

screaming and shouting which gives me a headache!

His older brother plays with my dd and he's absolutely fine, but as it caused problems when I let him in but not his younger brother
I've now said to both, but said they can play in our garden. The weather's been so nice lately anyway.

I have had words with his mum, she doesn't say a lot but just says my children are welcome in her house anytime which to be honest makes me feel mean although it shouldn't, as my two aren't a problem in other people's houses, (or in my own)!

This little boy hasn't taken the hint, he's asking several times a day to come in our house even though I'm telling him he's only allowed in for the one afternoon and evening a week I look after him while his mum works. What would you do?

For some reason I can cope better when it's scheduled and I'm looking after him for a reason, but really don't like him just wandering in here and disrupting everything!

If his mother lets him wander into your house unsupervised, then your rules and your rule enforcements apply. Same rules, same sanctions as if for your own children. I know you shouldn't have to guide someone else's child that much, but unless you want to say "no coming in" then you're within your rights to enforce some rules in my opinion.

He can't be expected to understand that his brother can come in but not him.

So say no to both of them apart from the arranged times.

Message withdrawn

YANBU - she is being an extremely lazy, if not negligent, parent and it is not your responsibility to care for her son. But I think you have to continue to say no to both of them or it's unfair.

If you want him to come in tell him you want him to be on his best behaviour with examples. If you just aren't feeling it full stop, say no. Nobody needs the extra stress of children who think it's OK to mess with peoples property. If I was in your shoes I'd give him one more chance, see how he behaves after you've set your standards to him. He might be an angel for you with a little guidance

YANBU.

It's not the kids fault if his mum hasn't set boundaries for him to follow.

We have kids like that on our road and we only allow the older one in because the younger one completely refuses to behave as requested, for example, when i asked him to stop throwing balls over the fence he just carried on. So i won't have the younger one in the garden or house. Sorry, but I've got 2 boys, both with special needs and don't need someone else's kids to look after unless they will do as i say.

Mine aren't perfect, but do as they're told in other people's houses. I always say to other mums "if they do something you don't like tell them off, or send them home" and we tell off kids that misbehave in our house. If they don't like it they don't have to come back! Or they could just do as we ask - they're choice.

It's not about being mean, why is it mean to guide a child in how to behave?

Although, i wouldn't let mine go in someones house willy nilly at 5 years old.

I don't see why if you have 1 boy you have to have the others. My younger siblings didn't use to follow me round to my friends houses and I would have been highly hacked off if a friend's mum had refused to have me in just because a younger sibling acted up. How old are your kids? If older I'd just tell the younger kid and his mum he needs to find some children his own age to play with. I also don't think 5 year olds should be going round inviting themselves into someone else's house.
If a kid asked me several times a day to come into the house I would probably get annoyed and send him home and not even want him in the garden.

The other way to look at it is, warn him and then have no compunction about sending him home if he's naughty - no 1st warnings, just out. Useful to acquire reputation as no nonsense parent with other and their parents sometimes

I agree with 2rebecca.

Thanks for your replies to my post. I've been firmer with this little boy the last few days. Yesterday morning he rang my doorbell twice asking for a snack, (he's not really allowed sweets so I know that was what he was after!), after the second time I took him back to his mum's and said I was busy, her son is obviously hungry! She looked very embarrassed and told him off.

Didn't see him for a while until early evening, when he was shouting through my letter box demanding my two came out to play. He wasn't taking no for an answer and we were eating dinner at the time, so once again I marched him back to his mum's, she was very cross with him this time.

He hasn't been over at all today so I hope she's taken the hint!!

OMG, how is he getting out on his own?

You are being stalked by a 5 year old!

"This little boy hasn't taken the hint, he's asking several times a day to come in our house even though I'm telling him he's only allowed in for the one afternoon and evening a week I look after him while his mum works."

Maybe this is a part of the problem that there are times when he is supposed to be at your home because you have agreed to look after him at those times each week and he can't differentiate yet between when he is supposed to be there and when he is not supposed to be there.

I think you may have to be quite firm about it. You are already doing a lot for the mum by helping her out like this so you need not have him wander in and out disrupting your home if you don't like it.

Good response, OnthePier