Thinking my MIL is wrong to think my 16 month old DS is naughty

[Loujalou]

Hi,

Was with MIL yesterday and my DS who is 16 months and into everything was his normal self. MIL told him not to be naughty. Think he's a bit young to be naughty. My mum and DH agree. My mum think its child abuse, but she's just being her.

Also she said I should tap him on the wrist when he does something "naughty" I don't agree unless its running into a road type dangerous. Am I being unreasonable to get upset by this? My mum definitely thought this was child abuse!

I have spoken to her about it! See prior posts. I wouldn't taint DSs view of his grandparents. He needs to form his own relationships with them.

As for talking to my mum was just letting off steam. Need someone to talk to as DH seems reluctant as its his mum. I tell my mum when she is out of order and her behaviour upsets DH (she used to take DS out of his arms without asking DHs permission and he found this rather upstting).

My mum is always insulting her (dead) mother who I loved very much and I find it very upsetting so wouldn't want the same to happen with me and DS.

I agree with Pisces moon and pagwatches first postings. It's neither naughty nor child abuse, but if you're in someone else's house you watch your toddler and don't let them fiddle, and say no firmly when they set off to fiddle. Bitching about your MIL behind her back with your mum sounds quite nasty.

I thought it was probably a joke purepurple but having read lots of MIL posts you never know!

Pagwatch and PiscesMoon right on track. The thing about a 16 month old being "naughty" is a bit ridiculous really in my view. BUT I am more worried about the maternal GM's opinion of the Pat GM.

As a MIL myself I know that there can be rivalry between the 2 sets of grandparents and even though I hate to admit it, I have felt this a tiny bit in relation to one of my DILs and her mother. However another of my DILs has trouble with her mother who alwys wants to know exactly when I am visiting etc although she is perfectly nice to me when we meet. I think my DIL doesn't always say (quite wisely) about the negative comments her mom sometimes makes about the fact that we see more of the GC than she does. In fact my DIL has a poor r/ship with her mother and this is the reason that there is not much contact between them.

I also have a friend who has a daughter who does not get on too well with her MIL. My friend I think fuels her daughter up about this and has of late become very critical of her daughter's MIL to the point where r/ships are very strained all round. In a conversation with me recently my friend complained (in about 30 mins) that her daughter's MIL only sent him £20 for his birthday and "overloads him with presents that he doesn't need".........Hmm........I am trying to pluck up courage to point out to my friend that there seems to be some rivalry here. SO I think it important as others have said that daughters do not complain about MILS to their mothers and mothers are careful with their comments about MILS.

This concept of rivalry between GPs came as a bit of a shock to me until I experienced it myself.

piscesmoon, I heart my MIL
she lives 200 miles away
Seriously, she is great and I have the utmost respect for her.

I think my mum was sticking her oar in and a bit tongue in cheek. She hardly sees MIL as MIL lives over an hour away and we usually go and see her rather than vice versa. They do get on ok when she does see her.

MIL and my mum both like to give their opinions on bringing up my DS. But take the bits that we like and ignore the other bits.

Spoke to DH and asked him to talk to his mum about the naughty thing, so we will see.