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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 11 yr old dd and her friend alone while I go and collect my other dd?

15 replies

snackattack · 19/08/2009 16:40

Dd1 is 11 and has a friend playing with her this pm who is 10. I have to collect my other dd from a friend's house and dd1 and her friend don't want to come and say they'll be fine in the house on their own. I'm happy enough to leave my own dd but I'm worried about leaving the friend without mum's permission (I can't contact her). My dd walks to school alone and on 2 days a week her friend (the one who is here) also is allowed to walk with her as her parents trust my dd.
I will be gone a maximum of 15 mins. I will have mobile with me. We have a neighbour who we know very well who will be just next door if needed.... but AIBU to leave them??
Thank you

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 19/08/2009 16:42

not if you don't know the other mums stance on it.

Fennel · 19/08/2009 16:42

I would leave my own child, no problem, but not another child without having checked with the parents first. If they don't leave the child alone themselves they could be quite upset.

AramintaCane · 19/08/2009 16:44

I would leave my own at that age but not the other one. Could you phone and ask the other mum.

Original poster
snackattack · 19/08/2009 16:45

Can't contact her unfortunately as she's in a meeting. Yes, I feel you are all sadly right and that I will have to drag them out regardless.....

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 19/08/2009 16:46

Oh dear. I would agree that you really can't do this without a parent's say-so, and I would consider myself an extremely slack parent in most areas.

Time for a bribe to get them to come, sorry. Ice-cream?

Pawsandclaws · 19/08/2009 16:46

Sorry but I wouldn't let my 11yo dictate on this one. It's tough she doesn't want to come but that's the way it goes, it would be irresponsible to leave her and friend in house on own. Bundle them in the car with no more silly nonsense

Pawsandclaws · 19/08/2009 16:48

Bribe, choosyfloozy? Are you kidding? Do kids get an ice cream for just doing what's necessary even if it doesn't always suit them?

choosyfloosy · 19/08/2009 16:54

Not routinely, no. If I'd given the message that staying at home was going to be OK, and then changed my mind, then yes I frequently bribe and yes my child is quite spoilt, before you say it...

BitOfFun · 19/08/2009 16:57

I would leave them. Perfectly reasonable.

Pawsandclaws · 19/08/2009 17:06

{wink] choosyfloosy, I wasn't going to say that!!

Well, if I'd given the message that staying at home was OK and then had to have a change of plan, I would certainly make apologies to the girls that they were going to have to come with (in recognition that it wasn't what they had planned/wanted to happen) but I wouldn't offer a bribe to come. It's part and parcel of being in a busy family.

It's really no different to having a change of plan and being sent to Sheffield for the day to work instead of Liverpool, I don't like it but that's what is necessary. I'd like it a lot less if I'd have been brought up on bribes to do necessary things that I didn't always fancy.

choosyfloosy · 19/08/2009 17:17

Yeah but if you are sent to Sheffield to work you get paid for it. And if that happened to me at work I would definitely feel justified in having a nice coffee on the train/in the service station, for example. As I always tell ds, it's a lot more fun being a grown up than being a child.

But I will consider the less bribing approach. Considering that bribes are now built into our lives via ds's star chart, which I love, I think it may be a rocky road...

Pawsandclaws · 19/08/2009 17:31

What do you do if they say they don't want an ice cream anyway, out of interest? Offer another bribe? Insist they go? Give in? Because the day will come they reject your bribe....

and yes, I get paid for going to Sheffield in my previous analogy, but the fact is I would still get paid the same amount whichever the location even though one is massively more convenient and much less of a hike - hence I have a preference. However that preference means nothing to my company, and I better smile and go with good grace if I want to keep me job

I guess what I'm trying to say is that parents are our first examples of authority figures, and if they show they are willing to offer a bribe or bargain over the smallest matters then you would quite easily grow up expecting other authority figures to bargain with you to get you to do things you would rather not. And whilst that's a nice idea it's not going to happen.

Acknowledge DC's wishes, definitely, but bargain with them (unless in very exceptional circumstances) - no.

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/08/2009 17:35

Well, if you'd only be gone 15 mins then they only have to leave the house and come with you for 15 mins. It's a pity you can't contact the mother, but without her saying OK I wouldn't leave them.

MotheringHeights · 19/08/2009 17:39

I'm with BOF.

landrover · 20/08/2009 12:34

check with mum

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