I'm getting married in a couple of months. My mother recently said that she would be holding dd during the ceremony. I gently explained that I thought it would be fairer if mil held her as my mother sees dd about twice a week and mil hardly ever.
My mother lives close by and I will be staying with her the night before the wedding with dd and she will be taking dd to church so it's not as if she doesn't have lots of time with dd. My mother seemed to understand and be happy with this.
Now my granny (mothers mother) has got involved and said how disapointed my mother is and that I should let her hold dd as it's a special occaision and she has done so much for me.
Mother has done a lot for me but all from choice and because she loves time with dd iyswim.
I think it's only fair for mil to have a turn, she loves dd as well but has far less chance for time with her but I'd hate for my mother to be upset.