to fibor not to fib?Maybe this is more of a WWYD

[SolidGoldBrass]

so today we were at DS dad's parents golden wedding party. The situation is that DS dad and I are not a couple, we are amicable co-parents (DS was a surprise, we are/were longstanding drinking buddies) - more than one of the elderly relatives were saying things like 'Ah, so you're [DS dad]'s wife. I was generaly saying, with a nice smile, oh I am DS's mum. and not elaborating. Has anyone else been in such a situation and if so what did you do?

nod and grin.

Not been in this situation, but I think I'd just smile sweetly and say 'Partner, actually!' and leave it at that...you are partners, in parenting, so you're not actually lying! No need to shock the old dears or divulge your private business if you don't want to!!

Unusual arrangement you have, but sounds great! Do you live together? (Nosey emoticon)

No. We have separate homes, though DS dad stays at ours a fair bit (and indeed once borrowed our house to entertain his ladyfriend who is a single mum of nosy teenagers but that's another story).It occurs to me that things might get very complicated if he gets seriously involved with anyone else (i am not into such things) but I expect we will ride it out if it happens. One of the old dears said 'So are you the other daughter-in-law then?'

Would a phrase such as 'something like that' help?

And to answer your question - probably best to fib or at least evade the truth. What purpose would upsetting their assumptions serve?

Fibbing sounds good - they aren't actually asking for a complete debrief of your living arrangements right there at a family party. 'Oh, I am ds's mum' sounds like the perfect response, actually.

I would have responded excatly as you did and just evade the truth.

You handled it well.
I thought you spoke about maybe marrying your son's dad?

Answer truthfully.....did you get a delicious shiver at being thought of as his wife ?

Hambler, this is one of those moments where MN's need for a vigoruously mooning emoticon becomes clear.

(and yes ages ago DS dad and I did get a bit pissed and he proposed and I said I would think about it. And fortunately, for all our sakes, i thought it was a bad idea and when he had sobered up so did he).

I think what you said was fine.

SGB - I think an evasive answer is fine in this situation.

At our wedding, our gay best man insisted on spilling his heart out about his temporary (think 30 minutes at the evening reception) breakup with his boyfriend to my rather startled uncles who were over from the West of Ireland.

They handled it with aplomb but it was a bit unnecessary as well as .

The rule of thumb on disclosing information here is 'Whatever you say, say nothing.' A very useful mantra.

How great that you have such a positive relationship with DS's dad.

SGB I think you should request the vigorous mooning emoticon.

Till then will this do?

OO

must say though I am surprised you were in the least concerned about others assuming the normal social conventions applied

actuallly maybe >(*)< is better..