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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to believe that some single women are only attracted to married men

25 replies

forehead · 14/08/2009 17:46

I have just read a Daily Mail article which suggests that some single woman are attracted to men who are either married or in a long term relationship. I believe this to be true.
When i first started dating my dh he had some female friends who liked him as a friend but had no romantic interest in him.
As soon as he started to date me, these same women suddenly found him attractive and began to make sexual advances. My dh finds it strange that the same women who said that he was too short(my dh is 5ft 8) now want him.
Does anyone think this is a case of wanting what you can't have.?

OP posts:

JeMeSouviens · 14/08/2009 17:52

I think in that situation your DH became more interesting as someone, ie you, was dating him, and therefore he was more attractive to them. They'd have been dying to find out what it was they were missing out on

LovelyTinOfSpam · 14/08/2009 17:54

Can you link the article?

Tryharder · 14/08/2009 17:55

I agree, things/people are always more attractive if someone else wants/has them.

Also, some people get off on trying to take someone from someone else - it validates their own attractiveness; if they succeed, they are clearly more attractive than the competition.

But disagree with the DM that it's just women who do this - men do it as well.

Morloth · 14/08/2009 18:01

DH and I only really moved into a "relationship" as opposed to a really close friendship when I noticed that he was becoming interested in someone else.

Not so much trying to "steal" him as an "Oh crap, if I want him I had better say something NOW" sort of thing.

Luckily he asked my advice about this girl before saying anything to her .

I can see that some women would prefer "safe" men, men who you don't have to commit to and who are not going to want any commitment from you.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 14/08/2009 18:21

Is it possible that sometimes people can find it fun to flirt when they know there is absolutely no chance of having to do anything, as the flirtee is in a secure relationship?

GibbonInARibbon · 14/08/2009 18:28

Reading the Daily Mail? YABVU

mamas12 · 14/08/2009 18:34

O bloody hell Really?
I'm single and am sooo fed up of married women and men for that matter thinking that I'm 'up' for it anytimewith anyone.

It is insulting.

My opinion.

Minxie1977 · 14/08/2009 18:46

I don't think that all single women are after my DH but some are. Unfortunately some women do let the side down and chase after married men. Personally I find it really insulting that another woman would be so disrespectful, but also funny as DH looks terrified

mamas12 · 14/08/2009 18:55

There have some men around here that look terrified when I walk in the room since I became single.

hqcqms · 14/08/2009 20:18

Where's your Man Tonight minxie?...

hqcqms · 14/08/2009 20:19

I'll flirt with you, if you're all by your lonesome....

HarrietTheSpy · 14/08/2009 20:20

One of our best male friends has pretty much only ever dated married women, at least that's how the relationships start. Bizarre.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/08/2009 23:45

Back in the Jurassic period, when I went clubbing, I had one friend who always seemed to be seeing blokes who had a more serious girlfriend too, and once a married man .

Eventually it dawned on me that this was some sort of control issue with her - it gave her some sort of power (in her mind anyway). This way she felt that she could just drop them at a moment's notice and they couldn't object. And if they dropped her she could rationalise that the relationship was nothing and she'd always regarded him as a temporary entertainment anyway.

Im also inclined to think there was a bit of "it's the getting, not the having" going on. Sort of reaffirmed to her that she was attractive if she could tempt someone already spoken for.

poshsinglemum · 15/08/2009 11:52

Your dh wasn't married to you though when these girls became interested.
They found him more attractive because they becan to see him as dating hot property and yes, a bit of wanting what you can't have.
Most sane single women would give up the chase once you married him leaving only the nutters in thrall.

poshsinglemum · 15/08/2009 11:54

Also- yes, I hate it when married women I would look twice at their husbands. As if! i might be single but I'm not desperate!
I like my men single and hopefully those who I stand a chance with.

lisasimpson · 15/08/2009 11:56

well it could also be because as you get older you wonder why single blokes are still single and if they are married then they must be ok!

MaggieBeauLeo · 15/08/2009 12:00

Nonsense. I'm single, never been attracted to a married man. Wouldn't dream of it. NOT just because it's wrong, but because it would be sabotage for mYself.... out of loyalty to ME I wouldn't sell myself so short.

MaggieBeauLeo · 15/08/2009 12:04

Mamas12 and PSM, yeah, a good friend of mine, whom I am really fond of, said 'jokily' that if she died on the operating table (a very minor procedure) would I leave a decent interval before I moved in on her husband. I have not ever thought of him in that way. I am friendly enough to him when he's around. I think she's lucky because SHE has a husband who is a good bloke and looks after HER, but I've never sat there daydreaming that he was the kind of man I'd have wanted.... what could I say though!?

MistergodthisisSal · 15/08/2009 12:11

Ok, have no idea about general population, so just talking for me: I most definitely was not attracted to married men when still single.

It's just against everything I believe in, so not even an option in my mind. I'm convinced there must be loads of people like that - I've always thought the majority, actually. As far as I know, the same definitely applies to my friends.

I do however accept that someone having a girlfriend might be more attractive than without - kind of skipping the wondering "why, what's wrong with him" part. Mind you, I wouldn't ever have stolen someone's boyfriend though, because that would put him back in the cheating department. I don't think there's anything dodgy about that (thinking more attractive) though, makes kind of sense.

picmaestress · 15/08/2009 12:12

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1206462/The-Angelina-Jolie-effect-single-women-chase-marri ed-men.html

I saw this article (certainly don't read the daily mail, but it was linked as a piss take by a friend on twitter).
I think it's an insulting, misogynistic, nasty article. No surprise there, then, it is the DM ffs. It tries to tar all single women with the same brush, but I guess that's because it's badly conceived and badly written. Being single can be hard enough as it is, without everyone assuming you're now some witch-like husband snatcher. Thanks, Daily Mail

I have noticed that there is a slight protectiveness from some of the married gals I know round their husbands now that I'm single, yes.
It makes me sad and a bit peed off tbh, especially as they know what I've been through....I would NEVER go out with a married bloke. It must be an instinctive thing.

But you are not being unreasonable to believe that some single women are attracted to some married men. In the same way that some single women are attracted to single men . The world's full of infinite variety...

poshsinglemum · 15/08/2009 12:13

The op was only dating her husband when the women were making sexual advances. It wasn't good of them but they probably started to see what she saw in him. When your married- now that's a different matter and I would be severely pissed with such hussies.

MaggieBeauLeo · 15/08/2009 12:14

This is another divide and concquer piece of shit.

WAHMs who are supposedly at war with SAHMs. NEVER believed that for a moment either. IT's the media stirring up shite.

I'm not going to read the argument, but fgs, Brad Pitt was always gorgeous... what a bad example is that the best they can come up with. Salman Rushdie, Rod Stewart, I still think oooh yuck.

duchesse · 15/08/2009 12:19

I think there probably are people (men and women) who do this, but I think they are probably commitment-phobics who need a good reason to be able to a) back out quickly and b) not be in a monogamous relationship with someone. Also some people with low self-esteem want what other people have and also the thrill of the promise of being able to take that from someone else. My bet's on them never actually wanting to wrestle the person away from their long-term relationship though.

ninah · 15/08/2009 12:22

oh ffs
I'm single
I don't fancy your husband - relax! and cut down on the tabloids

landrover · 19/08/2009 19:20

they are nonsense

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