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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really irritated with DD (4)'s mates when they come round to play?

46 replies

fruitbowl · 12/08/2009 14:05

They right get on my nerves. I feel a horrible witch but my instinct is to discipline them and keep them in check. I would far rather be really fun and patient and play lots of quality games with them but they just get on my nerves!! Anyone else find this or am I a lonesome old hag?

OP posts:

LouMacca · 12/08/2009 17:19

Ahh the joys of the summer holidays and having DCs friends over!

My lovely DD is playing nicely with her lovely friend - I wouldn't even know they were here!! (thats why I'm on here!)

My DS has gone of to his friends house for play and tea. I had his friend round here last week and he was a mouthy nightmare I think his family are a bit more laid back and anything goes in their house! I'm sure my DS will have a wonderful time!

katiestar · 12/08/2009 17:32

I think YABU to not keep your dog away from a very young child who is frightened of dogs and them to SHOUT at her when she screamed in terror is very cruel IMO.

Frasersmum123 · 12/08/2009 17:51

I know exactly how you feel - in our street there are 4 girls, and they always seem to be at our house, either fighting over DD - who is going to hold her, can I feed her etc, or upstairs like a herd of bloody elephants, I am terrified they are going to come through the ceiling.

Another thing that pisses me off is they come marching in at 8am, the first thing they say is 'Can I have a drink' I always say yes, but inside im thinking - 'you have just come from your own house!'

Bathsheba · 12/08/2009 17:51

I think the first thing to do is to find out from her mother if she actually is terrified of dogs, or just making a fuss for attention.

If she really is terrified of dogs then please explain to her mother that, as you have a dog and there is no place to shut it, then unfortunately your house is not the most appropriate place to play.

If she is squealing and screaming for attention (and we all know girls who do that) then, IMHO you have a right to tell her to stop that ridiculous noise.

itburnsitburns · 12/08/2009 17:53

I think you sound a bit mean

if your dd's friend is frightened of the dog, shut it out of the way fgs

it's a dog

and bawling at her when she's frightened is horrible, I would be very upset to find that this had happened to my 4yo on a play date!

forehead · 12/08/2009 20:04

I think you sound mean too. If the kid doesn't like your dog ,put the dog away. It really pisses me off when dog owners expect you to love their dogs just because they do.
I woudn't want my kid at your house for a play date.

SoupDragon · 12/08/2009 20:24

You knew a child was scared of dogs yet you refused to shut yours away and then shouted at the poor child because she screamed when afraid?? That's unacceptable and utterly disgraceful.

If you carry on like that you won't have to worry about having annoying children round.

Goblinchild · 12/08/2009 20:30

Got my judgy pants on.
You could have put the dog in the shed with your oh-so-sensible OH.
If you shouted at my frightened child because you were annoyed, he wouldn't ever come back to your house.
And I'd tell everyone at school what a horrible bag you were.

SixtyFootDoll · 12/08/2009 20:31

If you dont like her froends dont invite them over
ANd i think you are being really unkind letting the dog roam around if you know she is frightned
Not everyone actually likes dogs you know
I'm glad my children dont get invited to your house

Goblinchild · 12/08/2009 20:33

I don't think you're cut out for playdates, or extended contact with small children by the sounds of it. Swap the child for another dog.

Claire2009 · 12/08/2009 20:37

YANBU

And it's a relief to read this, Dd (3.5yo) has little friends round to play and I leave them to it, I still get ..

"Mum, X told me no" etc ...

It is hard work, I evicted her friend earlier for some peace

edam · 12/08/2009 20:37

Why is it 'impractical' to shut the dog away? Seems bloody cruel to shout at someone for being scared of a mutt that you are forcing them to endure.

MarshaBrady · 12/08/2009 20:37

Poor little girl, how horrible to be shouted at by a strange adult when simply afraid of a dog.

Not every house has dogs and many four year olds are not used to them.

onepieceoflollipop · 12/08/2009 20:44

dd (5) has had 2 little friends round separately this time, they drove me crazy telling tales and whinging etc.

What worked for me was inviting my brothers's dss (6) round to play. Somehow this combination worked much better. He is a very sweet little boy. Sil was laughing, when she invites a friend's ds to play with her ds (the same child), they spend the whole time scrapping.

In our house (and for my db and sil) this was absolutely the best combination. And afterwards it's wonderful, she tells me how lovely my dd is, and at the same time I am telling her how much I love her ds.

Overmydeadbody · 12/08/2009 20:45

You shoulted at a 4yr old because she was terrified of your dog? That is out of order imo.

Fair enough to get annoyed with 4yr old houseguests, but completely unfair to take it out on the poor little mites.

Next time, just don't invite them round, problem solved, otherwise stop complaining and be a bit more sympathetic.

If my DS was somewhere and the host shouted at him I would never let him go there again. No way.

Overmydeadbody · 12/08/2009 20:53

Don't invite kids round if you can't hack it.

But if you do invite them round, don't bloody complain about it afterwards.

chegirl · 12/08/2009 20:55

I dont like having friends round. I cant be bothered. I suppose after 17 years you get a bit lazy about that sort of thing. Plus I have found so many children rude and apt to totally destroy my house without constant supervision. Not worth the hassle.

Bit mean to shout at a 4year old but we all do things we shouldnt under stress. It would be better to keep dog out of the way if she is always shrieking. You will not have time to change her behaviour so you may as well get dog out of the picture.

sleeplessinstretford · 12/08/2009 21:28

it's only a dog,they eat their own shite-it is perfectly reasonable (indeed shows eminent sense) for the 4year old to not want it near hear.
you are out of order and i'd be well pissed off that you'd told my kid off.
why did you bother having them round?

SycamoretreeIsFullOfResolve · 12/08/2009 21:53

DD is 4 (this week!). I only do one friend at a time. That's stressful enough because DS is almost 2 and wants to join in and tends to just barge in on their games.

He can't be unsupervised, obviously, and will INSIST on following the girls upstairs and they get very irate with him. He gets upset, I have to keep fetching him downstairs and almost always end up putting a dvd on for him to avoid WWIII lol!

BUT, I do them, sporadically, because it's one of DD's favourite things, and tbh, all the little friends she's had over so far have been very nice, calm and polite and it's very sweet to see how they play together and make each other giggle at that age.

I just tend to take the plunge and get the playdo out and push down my anal desire for them not to mix the colours .

I don't worry about floor as it's floorboards and I just tell myself I'll do one big sweep up when it's all over.

If there was a child that was badly behaved, genuinely, then I'm afraid I just wouldn't invite them back. Life's too short.

Re the dog issue, I'm afraid I can't blame the child. It's not her fault if she's afraid - you don't know the whys or wherefores of her reaction. My DD would have been fine around a dog until last week...when a dog attacked her whilst she was feeding the dogs and bit at her hand to get the bread she was throwing .

Trying4Baby1 · 15/08/2009 22:12

If the main problem is the child that's scared of your dog can you not help her to get over her fear?

My DHs cousins 3 year old was petrified of our dog and used to scream and it did annoy me as she's so friendly and didn't even go anywhere near him but he still screamed the place down. We managed to get him to come over closer to her when she was lying down and his mum started petting her to show nothing was to be scared of.

After a couple of visits he's now ok, still scared to a degree but we now have him giving her treats and throwing a ball for her. It's still a work in process but we can have them in the same room as each other now. It helps that my dog is so calm around children though. We don't have children but are TTC and I'm so glad that my dog doesn't bother about children of any age so it's one less thing to worry about!

thedailymailiscrap · 16/08/2009 08:31

Sycamore tree - your Playdo hangup reminds me of a story dd came home with about her friend (who has older brothers) constructing a willy out of it in school.

DD was horrified - not because of what friend had made, but because she'd mixed the colours.

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