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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my neighbours are being unreasonable?

11 replies

barbareebaa · 10/08/2009 08:26

I live in a middle terrace with my dh and 8and a half month old ds.
We moved in a month or so ago.
Last night my son woke up 4-5 times after we put him to bed (crying) but we settled him each time within minutes.
At 11ish he woke again so I decided to go to bed (we cosleep) I asked my dh to try settle him whilst I cleaned my teeth. Ds was quite distraught but I didn't expect to be long and my dh was with him. (I knew he would settle once I got there)
Dh came downstairs with ds and said the neighbours had hammered on the wall.
This might sound really minor but I'm really upset. I hate bad feeling and I feel really guilty. Worst thing is it was just getting to the point where dh could settle ds and now I'm going to be too afraid to let him incase it's too noisy.
It has been really hard and we think I have pnd (off to see dr this week) and I feel like this is the last straw. If I'm going to be worried everytime he makes a peep or louder am not going to be able to relax. Feel like I don't want to stay here now.
Sound like am whinging now. Sorry.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 10/08/2009 08:28

YANBU, hopefully they were just ahvng an off day

Original poster

barbareebaa · 10/08/2009 08:28

So the question is were the neighbours being unreasonable to hammer on the wall because the baby was crying for about 5 mins?

OP posts:

CybilLiberty · 10/08/2009 08:30

Ignore them.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 10/08/2009 08:32

Not whinging. Sorry you are feeling so down.

ok. babies crying in the middle of the night is loud! It would be lovely if your neighbours were understanding but since they are not, you need to see if there is anything you can do.

Firstly, can you move him to another bedroom, further away from the connecting wall? Invest in some soundproofing?

Also, go round there. Say "I am sorry that you were disturbed last night by our baby crying. We do try to settle him as quickly as possible." (hopefully this will make them feel guilty for being so unreasonable as to be cross with you for a BABY crying!!!)

If they have kids you could add that "You know what it's like with babies crying" and a friendly smile.

K999 · 10/08/2009 08:33

Its a mid terrace so they should be aware that there will be a certain amount of noise. You have a baby fgs and they do cry. I would ignore them and carry on doing what you want - its your house. If you feel uneasy about this have a word with them.

CybilLiberty · 10/08/2009 08:34

if it's the first time they ahve hammered on the wall I wuld ignore it. If it continues you could pop round and say we are aware of the noise. Don't do soundproofing etc yet, not worth it. It's your house!

mrsdisorganised · 10/08/2009 08:34

Please just ignore them!

They obviously have no idea what hard work a baby can be.

shootfromthehip · 10/08/2009 08:35

YANBU- you have a small child- they cry. Your neighbours need to back off.

I'd stick a note through their door if you feel bad but don't want to confront them, just saying you are sorry about the noise but as you LO is a baby there is really nothing you can do.

Actually though, I'd probably leave it and apologise if I saw them in the street.

Good luck at the Doctors.

Original poster

barbareebaa · 10/08/2009 08:44

Thanks for the supportive messages. Just feel really uncomfortable about it.
Am going to be nervous about hanging my washing out incase they come out gah!
Hecate we are about to move ds into his own room - just sorting it out at the min but it's going to be a week or 2 but at least the rooms won't be connected anymore.
We rent the house from some friends who have a 4 year old dd and they've lived here since she was a tiny baby. I wonder how they got on. I think they were all friends (wine over the garden wall on a summers evening type thing) so feel REALLY bad that we've managed to p*ss them off so quickly!
May stick a note through the door to apologise.

OP posts:

squilly · 10/08/2009 08:53

You might have just caught them on a bad day. My friend has neighbours with small kids who cry in the night and she has banged on the wall, despite the fact she has 3 kids of her own still quite young. She did it because the child was crying repeatedly and she didn't think they were attending to it. Unfortuantely some people will jump to conclusions if things aren't done exactly as they'd do them.

I hate neighbour noises, but I would never complain about kiddy-related noises. Stereos blaring? Yes...DIY after 9pm at night...yes, baby's crying? Er, not really something you can control.

Hopefully your neighbour was just having a bad night and feels a bit guilty about it themselves now the light of day is here.

I'm sure a note would go down well though. It shows you're dealing with things proactively AND tells your neighbour to have a bit more empathy.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 10/08/2009 08:53

Put a note through their door explaining situation.

There was a thread about this a couple of weeks back from the neighbours point of view. Have total sympathy with both sides, you for having to be more wary about your ds waking up and the neighbours for having their sleep disturbed. and yes, it was only 5 mins, but theymay have had good reason to not want to have their sleep disturbed.
Think a 'gesture towards peace' would be a good one as you don't want to feel as though you are treading on eggshells in your home.

Good luck.

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