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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD neighbour and neighbour's friends parking ON our driveway...

22 replies

curiositykilled · 07/08/2009 18:05

Our, next door neighbour is a very volatile 19 year old mum with a baby. Her mum left when she was a baby, her dad has always beaten her and she now is regularly beaten (and police are always out) by her boyfriend.

I feel deeply sorry for her. I hear every punch he throws at her through the wall and so do my children. I have tried to keep a good relationship with her but she is very aggressive herself because I have made it clear I will phone police and social services if I am concerned. She has a really poor relationship with the neighbour on the otherside. I have told them both I don't want the stress and will not take sides in their fighting and that they should just avoid each other.

Every once in a while she knocks on our door and gives me a load of abuse because the neighbour on the other side has been saying "we all hate you" that I have apparently said so to her... Each time I have reaffirmed that I do not want to get involved, think they should avoid each other and I have calmed her down and given her a cup of tea.

She thinks it is fine to take the fence panels out and let any children that are visiting her through into our garden (I once found some random children helping themselves to squash from our kitchen because our backdoor was open. She also thinks it is fine for her (unlicensed, taxed or insured driver) to just park on our driveway whenever she feels like it without asking and her friends have frequently done it too.

Each time I have had a quiet word with her about how I'd rather she didn't do whatever it was that was winding me up but she carries on. I don't think she's deliberately spiteful but she doesn't take criticism well and when she gets angry I find her quite intimidating. I'm also alone in the house 3 days per week while my husband works away and 27 weeks pg so often feel daunted by the prospect of broaching another issue with her.

We are going to plant bamboo in the bed next to their fence to stop them lifting the fence panels out but I don't know what to do about the parking. It is stressing me out because the road is pay and display and our visitors and my husband often have to spend ten mins banging on their door (they're often in the garden and have no doorbell) to get them to move their car because it is either blocking us from getting out or parked on our front. I'm imagining not being able to get the car out when I go into labour and stressing. What can I do?!

OP posts:

stuffitlllama · 07/08/2009 18:08

can you put bins there, block it, put a gate up

talking about it doesn't work does it

call the police next time for an abandoned car?

it has to stop, you could need a trip to hospital or the doctor urgently

stuffitlllama · 07/08/2009 18:08

and I think you should call someone about the beatings for sure

sorry.. that's the priority

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 07/08/2009 18:09

Next time the police come get them to have a word with her.

stuffitlllama · 07/08/2009 18:10

you should call the police the next time you hear those punches

but I live a long way away from it so I can imagine how difficult it is when it's your neighbour, it must sound very glib for a stranger to give that advice

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 07/08/2009 18:10

GOodness me, what a nightmare. Do you own your houses or are they rented? Is there anything you can get the landlord to do if rented? OR, if it really is bad, can't you move? I think that's what I would do TBH. It's not worth the stress.

Of course if you own the house that isn't much help. I know that I would be out there having a shout at her by now, and getting the police or social services involved (you did ask WWYD), although I would have tried your polite and well mannered approach first (I hope).

DonDons · 07/08/2009 18:10

If the car is untaxed report her to the DVLA - they'll soon tow it away.

edam · 07/08/2009 18:13

DO phone the police next time you hear any violence.

Then call the cops re. the untaxed car. And put your bins out on your drive to block access.

TheCrackFox · 07/08/2009 18:14

Next time you hear any beatings phone the police. I would also, absolutely, phone social services. Children, IMO, should not be growing up in an atmosphere of violence.

Phone DVLA about untaxed cars.

Get a gate up and make sure the fence is tough enough that it cannot have panels removed.

She is 19 (not 13) and is old enough to be acting like an adult.

ZZZenAgain · 07/08/2009 18:15

I think you are being too nice. She is taking the p*ss.

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2009 18:15

YOu can get mini bollard things to put in your drive to stop other people parking on it - you'll need a key to put oit up and take it down.

As soon as you hear her bing punched call the police.

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2009 18:17

like this

lou031205 · 07/08/2009 18:19

I agree. Get some spax screws and screw the fence panels to the posts.

Ripeberry · 07/08/2009 18:23

The fence panels, can't they be nailed down? What a nightmare! But the bollards could be good, but would she just run into them anyway?
Just report the un-taxed car, that will sort it out.

Original poster

curiositykilled · 07/08/2009 18:23

I always call about the beatings, police come, break in door, take boyfriend away (giving him a slap for good measure ) then he is back the next evening.

I have told her and him I will always phone when I hear violence. Not sure social services will do much because she is coping well with the baby and clearly loves and takes care of him. She is very frightened of social services taking him away and I'm not sure they'd be very helpful.

I have been trying to help her find a house - the next door house is her dad's and she's desperate to get away, but she's a bit of a waster and 'can't' get the deposit together.

I would report untaxed car but don't know where she keeps it. She never has it outside ours for longer than around 45mins which is not long enough to get it towed.

Have tried bins trick before but she moves the bins to park on the front!

Would the police do anything about an abandoned car? I shall maybe go into the station and ask, they are normally very helpful.

We own the house, we bought it less than a year ago. Last owners lied about disputes with the neighbours during the sale(and other things) not sure if we could do anything about that?

OP posts:

Original poster

curiositykilled · 07/08/2009 18:25

fixing the panels and getting bollards sounds good!

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 07/08/2009 18:26

Agree with the others.

Please call the police when she is being beaten up plus social services (poor child).

GIve the DVLA a call re the untaxed car.

Stick wheelie bins/dustbins in the drive in the mean time.

Poor you but also poor her, what a sad existence.

Pannacotta · 07/08/2009 18:27

Sorry x-posted.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 07/08/2009 18:29

Agree - phoning police v important. Although I'd be worried that doing so might bring her or the boyfriend round to your house, if they are aggressive, would it put you in danger?

If the car is on the road you can report it, but do they do anything if it is not parked on a public road?

Get some wire mesh and put it on your side of the fence, so even if they remove the panel, there is a mesh there they can't get through. Once they see that, they probably won't bother taking the panel off again.

Also gate for front. With padlock!!

idranktheteaatwork · 07/08/2009 18:31

The car isn't abandoned though, it's parked where it shouldn't be but it isn't abandoned so i doubt you would get very far with that one.
The untaxed issue however would be looked at. Although, you would have to feign extreme surprise if she was pulled about it to avoid repercussions by the sounds of it.

Social services are quite hot on children living with violence in my (unfortunate) experience.
We recently had to speak to childrens services about our neighbour, there was violence in the home between mother and father as well as the elder son. Obviously i don't know what was done as i will not be party to any feedback but the people i spoke to took it very seriously and told me to dial 999 for any disturbance so that there would be a log.
Thankfully the house seems much calmer now.

BitOfFun · 07/08/2009 18:33

Sounds like they should have an ASBO. You have more patience than I would.

Original poster

curiositykilled · 07/08/2009 18:39

I think if I phoned social services we'd get firebombed! I don't think they would do anything that would help the child, parents or us. I am not actually concerned for the child atm, they are both good with him and he is never there when they are fighting. I suspect social services would investigate and not do anything because I doubt the police are keeping a record of the violence.

The violence happens when they've been drinking and the baby is at their friend's. I have spoken to them both after the first incident and explained that I will phone the police if I hear it because I do not want my children to hear it and they both understand and accept this.

OP posts:

KittyBigglesworth · 11/08/2009 01:46

curiositykilled, I think you've got the patience of a saint to be putting up with so much from your neighbours. I know someone who is enduring a similar situation from a new neighbour.

Persist with the police every time you hear a fight, I know you say it's only when they're drunk and the child is absent but the child must be picking up on their abusive behaviour when he/she is with them.

What a sad and destructive situation for all involved. Do either of them have jobs? The heavy drinking seems like an excuse to remove themselves from the situation they're in and allow themselves be abusive and take out all their frustrations on each other. Is there anything that could be done to raise the mother's self esteem and help her see that the situation is very damaging?

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