Back story: I'm 29, my OH is 36 and was married before. We've been together about 4.5 years, and have 2 boys, 3.5 and 5mo. When DS1 was diagnosed as disabled, OH looked after him weekdays and worked weekends in security (which he describes as piss easy but tiring). I worked weekdays in a very challenging job and cared for DS1 on weekends. Since I went on mat leave in Jan with DS2, OH has worked full time night shifts to pay for the family. He works 7 nights in a row, has 3 or 4 days off then works another 7 nights.
This is great for the kids as he wakes at 3pm, plays with them while I cook, then helps with baths before going to work. Unfortunately it's killing me by inches, as we rarely get any time together, our sex life is non-existent and I feel that we're drifting apart. OH loves his job (basically he can surf the net and Facebook for 12 hours a night) and doesn't want to move jobs, so dismisses my concerns with either 1) we knew it was going to be hard until I went back to work in Jan, so (in his words) suck it up, or 2) on the rare occasions we do spend time together it's fun, so clearly no problem.
I should point out he can be thoughtful and sweet too, but at the moment I do feel like he's ignoring my worries! My instinct is if things aren't working, that we should work to change them, but I'm feeling increasingly fed up that I seem to have to provide all of the momentum for change.
So my problem is: most couples I know are not in this situation, so I honestly don't know if I'm whinging for no reason, or if I should be concerned about our relationship. I don't feel I can ask OH to leave a job he likes just because I'm miserable, but I seem to fight with him all the time over this, and sometimes wonder if we're meant to be together if we keep having fights.