to not want to drop DD1 off??

[macdoodle]

XH and I are in the midst of a nasty divorce, he is/was a verbally/emotionally abusive aggresive useless husband and father!

He uses the access arrangements to hurt and control me, and does pretty much as he wants without contributing financially or practically!

we have 2 DD's aged 8 and 19 months, DD1 absolutely worships him!
She doesnt get a lot of time alone with him, usually her, DD2, OW/new GF and their baby (who is 5 months older than my DD2 who he had with her while still with me)!

He sees them 3 weekday mornings (takes DD1 to school and DD2 to CM), alternate sundays 9-4, and has DD1 ONE overnight a month (all he can manage he says for her)

He hasnt contributed at all to school holiday childcare, other than to cause problems, DD1 has been really upset so I suggested to him that maybe he could have her a few nights this month as she isnt in school!
His reaction was to say he will have her thur and sat night (now I know this is just his convenience as she swims thur night till 6:30 and he works sat till 6) !

I do all the activities/running about with poor DD2 in tow - he doesnt help at all!
SO he INFORMS me that I can drop DD1 off at his after swimming on Thur ...
So ok its not far but from swimming to my house is about 2mins drive, to his there and back to mine will be at least 15 mins prob more like 20 or more depending traffic (its not far but in the opposite direction through town)
I will have DD2 with me, by 6:30 after an hour in the hot pool watching DD1/trying to entertain her/stop her falling down stairs/jump into pool etc etc, me and her will be beyond frazzled....if I drop DD1 off we prob wont be home till 7:30-8 rather than 7 if I dont!

He has given me a earful of abuse saying I am a fat, lazy cow, I never go out my way, he does all the running about , and as always I am doubting myself and wondering whether its me But he just doesnt care about DD2, he will have been at the pub which is why he wont want to drive, OW/GF wont want to drive him (as usual) because its later and am guessing she will want to sort her DD out, so it will be muggins here who does it because I dont want DD1 to be disappointed yet again
I have spent years of my life running around at this arseholes whim, and am still doing it - AIBU????

wow Mummydragon I wasn't getting at the OP wih my post at all....I can see she is in a horrible position here. Sorry if my post has angered anyone, maybe I'm not the most eloquent. For the record no I didn't have an abusive ex, but he did expect me to do a fair bit of running about which I did for my kids sakes. Also my dh wasn't a violent guy but was treated with utter contempt by his ex and had his access controlled by her and still does to this day.

Macdoodle I am happy you gelt able to stand up for yourself today, this is a step in the right direction....well done

well done Macdoodle... keep it up, be consistent and be strong.

Well done macdoodle!
You have the moral high ground, don't forget that.
He has to carry on meeting you halfway.

As for calling the mother of his children names like that, what a prat.

oh god this is just never ending !
He was supposed to have her again tonight (an extra night in the holidays) - we have been out today with an old friend of mine (female) and she was getting anxious as it got later that she was going to miss him - so she rang him to ask!
He told her to tell me to drop her off at 7:45 - so I calmly told her that he would need to come and get her as it is his responsibility She was upset with me

SO we get home, and I text him to say I wont be dropping her off and it was his responsibility to collect her , no more no digs !

He phones about an half hour later and just unloads a barrage of abuse on me - I am a "fat fucking lazy cunt", " a fat miserable bitch", and "he does all the running around", why cant my friend watch DD2!

I stuck my ground and he said fine he wont come and I can tell DD1 that its my fault I told her I didnt know if he would come and if he did then it was his fault not mine

About 10mins later he arrived, stormed straight into the house, shouting at me only refraining from swearing by the presence of my friend, I told him if he continued to shout at me to wait outside or I woudl call the police, he literally screamed in my face that its his house

He dragged DD1 off telling her that she had a long walk back to his house (it is a long walk) but I folled them to the corner to see them getting into the GF's car parked out of sight round the corner

I give up, feel terrible, like its all my fault and why didnt I just take her and safe all the emotional upheaval for us both She has gone of upset I am upset and he was still shouting at me from the car