Not so much AIBU as Am I Normal...

[Olifin]

...to sometimes feel resentful/scathing of other mums and their relationship with their little ones? (Y'know, when they do that cooing, kissy thing with their baby)

I will point out that I have PND. At least, my GP says I have but I think my depression/anxiety has obvious causes so not really 'proper' PND.

Does anyone else get this? It's making me feel like a really horrible person

I also used to feel incredible rage at one of my DC's. The counselling helped loads with that and now I only really get a bit cross occasionally, which is much better all round.

I have found that I need regular time alone which acts as a pressure valve, if i don't get that i am liable to 'blow' up unpredictably.

I have realised that I feel resentful a lot too. I feel resentful of DH because he gets to go off to work every day and is not stuck at home like me feeling bored and lonely. I feel resentful towards the DC's, not at them personally, but at the lifestyle i have been forced to have because of having them.

Having DC's has impacted my life in a huge way, far more than it has impacted DH's day to day life. He still goes off to work, doesn't feel guilty about it, is not restricted in his career options. Whereas I was thrown from a mentally stimulating, professional career into full time SAHMhood and 6 years down the line, I have finally realised I am not cut out for it in the slightest. For ages i felt inadequate and useless as a wife and mother as i simply could not handle doing the housework (too boring) and not could i handle too much time with the DC's (boring, frustrating,).

I have now realised I should never have become a full time SAHM. The trouble is now that I am thinking of trying to re-enter the job market, it seems impossible. There are hardly any professional level part time jobs. I was panicking about it a while ago but good old MN saved me! Am a bit calmer now and thinking a bit more rationally. Less than 2 weeks ago i was seriously on the verge of packing a bag, taking my passport and heading to the airport and buying a one-way ticket to anywhere else but here.

Sorry, am wildly off track here and hi-jacking your thread. Will go now.

Don't apologise oneplusone. Rage is what I used to feel, too.. And that feeling of never ever being able to stop thinking about the children. Resentment of DH - tick

I'm trying to get back into work as well - the difference is that I don't want to go back to my professional career as I think it would be too stressful. I've been doing voluntary work to get some confidence back (and new skills), and it has made me wonder if I would have been happier all along if I had kept working Part-time (or maybe I would have felt like I was doing two things badly ....)

Olifin Do you get time off at the weekend ?

One thing that saved my sanity was getting DH to be in charge every Saturday morning

I completely agree with everything that you have said, and all of the things that you describe could also have been written about me.

I ended up having counselling after DS2 was born (also had diagnosed but untreated (I refused treatment) PND after DS1 was born). Luckily I mentioned the previous PND whilst at an antenatal visit, and the obstetrician referred me to the Mental Health team. I then saw someone whilst still semi-normal, for her to compare after I had DS2. However, although the counselling didn't help much, she did encourage AD's at the right time, which ultimately for me, did help.

For me the AD's have taken away most of the rage and anger. They give me patience and calm with stressful situations. At the moment (DS2 is now 3) life has recently got much more stressful, and I probably need to up the dose as they're not working as well, but they do for 90% of the time. They are a godsend. They do make me slightly numb, and take away the ability for me to be extremely happy, just as they do to be extremely sad. It's an easy choice to make though, as losing the crossness makes me feel like a better mum. So I feel happier about my inside.

Good luck to you. It only gets better as they get older in my experience.

oneplusone 'I feel resentful towards the DC's, not at them personally, but at the lifestyle i have been forced to have because of having them.'

I totally identify with this, and with so much of what screamin and fourarms have said. It's so reassuring to find others who feel the same (but sorry you feel crap too!)

Like others, I was beginning to get into a stimulating career before I had the children and a lot of the resentment is about the 'sacrifices' I feel I've made etc. I, too, feel I'm not cut out to be a SAHM and have recently done a few little bits of work, which has helped enormously as I feel needed in a different way and get that valuable head space without constant interruptions from the children (although I'm a teacher so, ironically, subject to all sorts of interruption and disruption in my work; busman's holiday!)

I'm now not working for the next 6 weeks and I think it's very possible that this has set me back a bit and let some of the old anxiety resurface.

screaming I do get time to myself but only if I a) remember that I need some 'time-out' and b) 'book' it in with OH. He is lovely but it doesn't usually occur to him to just spontaneously take the children out to give me a break, for example.

I sometimes feel like I can manage my MH myself as long as I can work part-time, get regular exercise, go to bed at a reasonable time and get time to myself. Have also recently been thinking about starting up some regular meditation again. However, that seems quite a lot of conditions to have to meet just to keep me on an even keel, and I can't help think that I ought to be stable enough for exercise etc. to be a bonus, rather than essential.

Am I making any sense whatsoever? Quite possibly not...definitely bedtime!

Anyway, thank you again. Sorry you've had/are having your own struggles and I wish you all peace and contentment, however that may be achieved!

Oh definitely. If the boys have a good day, we go somewhere nice, it's sunny, DH is home, we're getting along well, the house is tidy... then I'm fine. But that's a lot of things to get right for me to feel right!!