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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some people actualy hate their children?

50 replies

booyhoo · 04/08/2009 23:28

getting ds' out of car at supermarket today and a family approached the car opposite, i wasnt taking notice until i heard,

" jesus christ, 3 fcking times i told you to get your fcking shoes on."

i looked up and it was the mum talking to a boy of about 7/8. she then said to the dad, look what he's got on him. he had his slippers on him. and the dad said,

"if i have to speak to you once more today, im going to f*cking punch you...very hard."

the boy didnt answer, just dropped his eyes to the ground and got in the car. it was very hard to hear them speaking to him like that and not say anything. i dread to think what was said to him when they got home. i really hope the dad's threat was an empty one.

OP posts:

MissSunny · 05/08/2009 22:11

Message withdrawn

gero · 05/08/2009 22:14

There is absolutely no excuse for speaking to your DC in such a way. It is completely unacceptable to say such a vile thing to any child never mind your own beloved son or daughter. Shame on those so called parents. That little boy deserves so much more. Shoes or no shoes.

ClaireDeLoon · 05/08/2009 22:14

Sorry MissSunny - she screamed at him a lot, I work at home a few days a week and it was at leat one of those days a week. But I'm probably being out of order in thinking it was wrong, sorry. I'm not a mum, still ttc our first so it is probably just that I don't understand what being a mum really means. Like I say I apologise.

everythingistaken · 05/08/2009 22:29

claire what are you saying sorry for. it is DISGUSTING to speak to a child like that, just because you have'nt got children doesnt mean you dont have a heart and ignore these things. i have three kids and i NEVER EVER speak to my children like that, there is no excuse, makes me sick.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 05/08/2009 22:30

I used to hear my old next door neighbour shout at his daughter all the time, telling her she was useless, doesn't do anything right etc.
One day it sounded like it was all getting very bad, he was shouting more and more, then he seemed to just snap, I could hear sounds like he was throwing her against a wall repeatedly, and she was just screaming and screaming, I was pg at the time, and would have knocked on the door to stop him, but was scared. So I called the police and waited for what seemed like ages (but was really only about 5 mins), for them to arrive, I called back to 999 twice in that time to tell them to hurry up because it sounded so bad!
When the police arrived they seemed to drive up the road really slowly, but as soon as they got out and heard her screaming they ran to the door and knocked really loudly, it all went quiet, then the girl came running out crying hysterically, saying her dad was hitting her and wouldn't stop and was now locked in the bathroom with the baby sister. They moved out soon after and started renting the house out as rooms, I hope the kids were taken into care because he was truely vile.
And the mother was no better, she sent the girl outside to spend the night in the car, with no coat, when it was snowing, ex-H and I didn't know what to do, but after about 30 mins she let her back in.

MissSunny · 05/08/2009 22:36

Message withdrawn

ElieRM · 05/08/2009 22:37

sorry, no mater how stressed and exhausted you are there's no excuse to verbally abuse your own children, or anyone else for that matter. raised voices, snappiness yes. but screaming and swearing? not at all.

VeronicaMars · 05/08/2009 22:38

Claire I agree you have nothing to apologise for - Missunny no matter how bad your day is, screaming at a child that she or he is f**king stupid is very wrong. If it was a husband to a wife people would be on here talking about 'verbal abuse'.

knockedgymnast · 05/08/2009 22:42

Why didn't you intervene?

Greensleeves · 05/08/2009 22:42

"having a bad day" [shock

the mother used the f word twice to a young child and the father threatened to punch him...very hard!

it AMAZES me that some people have suh a high threshold for this sort of thing

it's plain abusive and bullying

and ten minutes is a bloody long time to be screamed at by sombody who is twice your size

there's no excuse for it!

knockedgymnast · 05/08/2009 22:45

In situations like this, I always think I would rather the parent punch me than a little child. I find it my duty as a parent and as a member of society to intervene. I have always been like this and always will be.

everythingistaken · 05/08/2009 22:46

some people are obviously used to listening to people speak to kids like that,poor adults for having a bad day. what bullshit. their is no excuse.

ClaireDeLoon · 05/08/2009 22:50

Knockedgynmast I didn't intervene because mostly I didn't know what to do. The shouting happened a lot, but when it just went on and on I assumed it would stop soon like it had before.

TBH the varying replies here make me unsure what the right thing to do is, there is MissSunny who thinks I'm unreasonable for even commenting but also a child for then apologising and others that agreeing that shouting such things at a child is wrong. Surely that shows how divergent people's views are as to shouting obscenities at a child. Who knows, I just know I'm bowing out of this thread and I wish I hadn't posted.

everythingistaken · 05/08/2009 22:56

you are no way wrong at all claire so dont let miss even think you are, no one should shout at a child like that.
i've just seen an advert about abused children do think the parents had a bad day!!!!

Bigpants1 · 05/08/2009 23:03

Katiestar-if you are 9, and excited about going out for the day, or are hurried out, it is probably quite easy to forget your shoes. However, as an adult and parent, I would presume, that one checks the dc have something on their feet before getting in the car. I have 6dc and can honestly say ive never arrived at a destination and found one of them shoeless. Have however, left the playground at school,only to realise, i have left the dc in the buggy!

motherbeyond · 05/08/2009 23:31

katie...so you think that excuses her treatment of the boy are you crazy?!! even if you are at the end of your tether you don't speak to your child like that..no matter what the reason may be

can understand that kids can be annoying and forgetting your shoes on a day out would really piss you off.but there are ways and means of covnveying your annoyance

raffyandted · 06/08/2009 00:14

Horrible people. Totally agree there is no way a decent parent would use those words to their child, or threaten to punch them. And yes, someone mentioned that there are loads of people who would love to have a child but can't, I was one of those for 10 years before we had DS by IVF.

Our fertility clinic shared the same building as the maternity unit & every time I went there, I would walk past some teenage, vastly pregnant girl in a dressing gown, having a fag outside the maternity unit with her baseball-capped, shell-suit wearing , pimply babyfather and they would ALWAYS be arguing and shouting the F word & worse at each other. And inwardly I would seethe at the unfairness that people like that were probably going to be hideous parents.

And I'm no way a perfect mum, I've suffered with PND but would never speak like that to a child.

Elenio · 06/08/2009 08:47

last year i was visiting my father who lives on a small Greek island. There was a lady (around 65ish) who was beating her grandchild with her slipper.

The little boy must have been about 7 and the grandmother was screaming and hitting him whilst the boy was crying. Every single person that walked passed the house (was in the front yard) stopped and said something to the lady. Everyone got involved and the grandmother stopped and actually listened to the people (admittedly with much shouting on her behalf!)

A few weeks later i was visiting family in Cardiff and was walking in the city center. There was a family walking a few yards ahead - mother, father and 2 children. The father was screaming and swearing at the older son and repeatedly hitting him across the head but hitting him really hard so that the boy fell each time, he then dragged him up and hit him across the head again and kept repeating this process.

Not a single person did anything, everyone was looking down at the floor.....i cannot judge them because i did not do anything either, i was so shocked. The mother was just following behind

They turned into a shop just as 2 policemen appeared so i explained what was going on and told them where they had headed. I just hope that they managed to catch up with them.

katiestar · 07/08/2009 11:17

Well probably not the swearing but I can sympathise with how the mum felt.
Bigpants- I really don't think it w3as unreasonabkle of me to be cross with a 9 yr old for forgetting his shoes !!Expected to check a 9 yr olds feet to make sure they are wearing shoes !! Ridiculous !It must have been uncomfortable walking across our gravel driveway in sock feet to the car.

McSnail · 07/08/2009 16:07

Horrible. I too have seen this happen but was too scared to intervene - the mother (and it was the mother who was doing the screaming and swearing) was terrifying and looked like she would've belted anyone who said anything. Even her male partner kept his mouth shut and just stared at the ground.

People can be total cunts. Sometimes I think human extinction wouldn't be too bad a thing.

OrmIrian · 07/08/2009 16:10

That is the point at which you wish you have magic powers and could give them a painful kick up the arse. Vile. And yes I know there are bad days for everyone. But even so.

independiente · 07/08/2009 20:14

Katiestar and MissSunny - I just don't understand your POV.
i don't see anything unusual/wrong in being tired and getting irritated. I do see everything wrong with saying you are going to punch your child very hard, and used in same sentence as expletives.

ClairedeLoon, don't think you were remotely being 'odd' or a 'child' in your post, just acknowledging that you weren't yet a mother and didn't want to tread on toes - v sweetly done IMO. Don't 'pull yourself togther' - carry on being thoughtful, it's a rare commodity these days apparently.

screamingabdab · 07/08/2009 21:49

katie we can all sympathise with how the mum FELT, but that's the whole point. As adults we know how to BEHAVE, what to say etc .And that doesn't involve threatening or shaming your child

Jeez

screamingabdab · 07/08/2009 21:50

Claire Don't apologise. You were very polite

mrstimlovejoy · 07/08/2009 22:12

me and dh went to the local supermarket yesterday and there was a lady with her daughter who had downs and an older lady possibly the grandma.the girl was standing in the doorway and the mum said 'don't stand in the f*ing doorway you stupid girl'.me and dh just looked at each other really wanted to say something but the mum looked a nasty piece of work.the older lady looked really embarrassed.

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