To wish my mum would stop buying clothes for me?

[mumblechum]

For years my mum keeps sending parcels of clothes that she's bought for me. Prob. 10 to 20% are Ok/q. nice, the rest go to Oxfam still with the labels on.

Today I received a parcel with two almost identical long white linen shirts, a necklace which is totally over the top & fussy, a T shirt in a vile colour and a nice green cardi. I'll keep the cardi & pass the rest on to a charity shop.

I phoned to thank her and said that I liked the cardi. When she asked why I didn't like the other stuff, I just said it wasn't stuff that I'd choose, I already have about 30 white shirts (mostly bought by her).

I've tried subtle hints for years but she keeps insisting on sending me stuff.

Especially on my birthday or Christmas, where I'd rather get something I actually want, like a book, DVD or something, she sends yet more bloody clothes.

I basically said today that I could send the stuff back to her or find a home for it elsewhere. I didn't have the heart to tell her it'll be following all the other stuff to the charity shop.

Am I being unreasonable to wish she'd stop wasting her money on these clothes, and (more importantly) not be offended if I just said in plain English that I don't want to be bought ANYTHING else??

yanbu to wish she wouldn't but, how sensitive is she? this is her preferred way to demonstrate her love for you, maybe? if so maybe she should be allowed to continue that! oxfam probably appreciate the donations so it's not as if the money is entirely wasted

I dunno, maybe you could say you have too many clothes and steer her in a different direction?

well no. but it's her money and if she wants to waste it that's up to her. Be honest with her, say that it is very kind of her and you appreciate the thought but these clothes are not being worn and you don't like to see her wasting her money. If she is offended then, you know, it's harsh to say but tbh that's just tough luck. Sometimes people get offended and that's unfortunate but they need to deal with that. You can't pussyfoot around all the time!

YABU. Give her a break - she's showing you that she loves you and thinks about you while she's shopping. It will be you one day. Just feign delight and let her get on with it.

She is v. sensitive and even though I tried to tell her gently I could telll by her voice she was hurt.

Am feeling bad now, you've hit the nail on the head with the expressing love thing. She spends loads of money on various family members.

My sister bought me a bag of size 16 clothes yesterday. She said she can't wear them now she's a size 12 and didn't want them to go to waste.

That made me feel great.

awww

maybe in a backwards sort of way she is also saying that she would like some presents now and then?

I have the same problem with my MIL!! SHe sends me clothes that even Sue Pollard would think garish!! I always then want to punch the person that once said it "was better to give than receive" - they obviously had never had a present off my MIL!!

However, I am a bit of a sap and always say thank you and remind myself that some people receive presents from no-one at all!

Maybe you could suggest that instead of the parcels you have a shopping trip together from time to time? Then if she wants to spoil you, great - you get to pick the clothes and you both have a lovely day out together at the same time? Everyone wins.

Mumble would you like to give your mum my address

I don't think you're BU to wish your mum wouldn't buy you stuff, if she doesn't know your tastes.

But I think YABU by letting it go on for this long and simply taking stuff to the charity shop - you've been wasting her money and prolonging it so that she will be even more offended by the time you tell her!

Why don't you ask her to get gift receipts, so that you can exchange things? You could always tell her that it didn't fit or didn't suit you - that way you're not wasting her money.

If the shops don't do gift receipts, just ask for the ordinary receipts.

Perhaps if you keep asking often enough - if you can't tell her to her face that you don't want her to buy you clothes - she might eventually get the hint?

I think your mum sounds lovely!

What about introducing the idea that you talk about clothes together, if she emails you could send her links to lovely cardigans say how much you like them, get some dialogue going. Might help? You could send lovely Boden/M&S links back and forth. When she suggests some thing you dont like say YUK

Where are they from? Lots of shops will let you do a straight swap without receipts

YABU - and sound rather ungrateful TBH
As others have said why not just take the offending items back to the shop and exchange them?

Can't exchange them, most come from independent shops where she lives 300 miles away. She isn't a computer person, she's 77.

I won't say anything, just keep passing them on to Oxfam. As someone said earlier, it's probably her way of expressing her love.

I'm not really a clothes person, I have tons and would much rather have a book tbh but as I say it's not worth upsetting her over.

Ebay? At least you (or your mum) are doing their bit for charity.

TBH i would feel very loved knowing that someone when they were out and about was looking at clothes wondering if i would like them then buying them for me.

But why keep giving them to Oxfam? Why not ask for a receipt? Just tell her that it was too small/large/didn't fit/didn't suit you.

It's such a waste of her money.

77 isnt too old for t'internet. My uncle is 80 and very keen. That age group is a big market for computers.

I dont think I would like the guilt of wasting my elderly mothers money that way. I would think of something to change her buying habits.

What about telling her that now you are xx old you are wiping your wardrobe clean and starting again with some simple basics, chosen carefully by you. Vouchers for this endevour would be much appreciated. Then if she gives you something you can send it straight back to her with a repeat of the 'new' you idea. No need then to confess to years of wasting her money.