PIL calling my DS by his fathers name.

[cancantcan]

DS is 4.5 years, when I was PG with him we were going to call him same as his dad, but then I changed my mind because I dont really like my husbands first name (love the man, hate the name kwim) but also because I thought it would be confusing having two with the same name in the house. As a compromise DS has his fathers name as his middle name.
PIL now call my DS by his fathers name in front of me, and its really starting to get my goat. I feel like screaming "HIS NAME IS YYY NOT BLOODY XXX, he is NOT his father, or his fathers clone, he is himself, with his own name and PLEASE stop calling him XXX!!!"

DH doesnt think its a problem but I confess I start to steam at the ears every time I hear it.....

AIBU?

I was supposed to name my child with PIL's name, as it's traditional in mi DPs country of origin. As his last name is his fathers, I found it was only reasonable that he had a first name from my country. Both DP and I decided not to give him PIL's name as middlename so as not to give them the opportunity to use it. I know they are still slightly bothered by it, but seem to have accepted it.

I would be FUMING if they started calling him by PILs name, so my heart goes out to you.

I agree that you need to correct them every single time they do it. If they keep doing it (and you don't think they have dementia or something) I would confront them with it and ask them why they insist on doing it. They are being shockingly rude and territorial.

I would start of correcting them, then after a few weeks I would start laughing at them in a fond kind of way, o silly old Granny, etc. Then I would get the big guns out and start mentioning dementia, and start looking very conscerned and worried.

what do they put in cards for birthdays etc?

My question is: what do they tell other people DS's name is?

When PIL are out in town or wherever and meet people they know, what do they tell those people their grandson is called?

If it's just something they say to DS in the house then yes it's annoying, but not 100% weird. However, if they are going about in the community or in friend/family circles and telling them the wrong name, then that is a problem and they need to be stopped!

In my experiences some PIL (mine included) are just aliens from outer space. Madness!

I wish you all the best.

YANBU - I soooo understand where you're coming from.

DP's dad calls DS "grandson" - never uses his name; and refers to me as his daughter-in-law. I'm not. Never have been. Please stop saying it.

I've asked him repeatedly to use DS's name (we'd agreed when DP and I first met that it was ok for DS (when he was still in primary school) to make birthday cards etc to "grandad") and I understand that if DP's dad was talking about us to one of his friends who didn't know us, then ok say "grandson". But there's no reason for him to say it to me. Is there? And to actually refer to DS to his face as "grandson" rather than use his name is ridiculous. And HE KNOWS HE'S DOING IT because every time he does, he has a sly glance sideways at me with a smirk on his face.

It actually started making me feel quite negative about him. In the end I had to ask DP to speak to his dad and tell him to stop it once and for all. He sulked quite a lot but he's never done it since - not that I know of any way.

..YAProbablyNBU..but tbh I wouldn't care less..there are way more pressing problems in relationships between PILs than this imo..if the child isn't worried then I don't see the point..

Oh come on Mumcentreplus, that's hardly a helpful post, is it? For a start it's probably symptomatic of deeper control issues that the PIL have, if they can't accept that the naming of the child isn't their business. They had their turn. Secondly. why TF do we agitate over our name choices if anyone can call our child whatever takes their fancy? Thirdly, your argument about more pressing problems is completely pointless. A problem is a problem.

And the child is only 4.5. 14.5 and I might agree with you.

OP, you have my sympathies. We avoided this as dd wasn't a boy but DH has the same set up and my ILs are awkward enough to do the same thing. If it bothers you then I would keep on reinforcing the point, if it helps at all.

Sorry I'm in bitch mode I just think it's a point-less arguement..she didn't reinforce it in the beginning and nearly 5yrs down the line she pissed off..couldn't have been such a big deal in the first place..I think there are probably others ishoos a foot tbh..

But you are right Eyeballs my post was not helpful..usually I wouldn't even post if I didn't think it would help..sorry bout that

LOL, now I feel guilty for jumping down your throat Don't know what's got into me these days, I've got so argumentative on MN . Then I get scared that I've been really bitchy and have to hide the thread!

Sorry

Christ why do people think they can choose what name to call your child!

I would keep correcting them like previous posters have said.
I would also do it with a puzzled/bemused look on my face as in "Are you loosing your mind and forgetting your own grandchild's name" kind of way.
It is one thing to accidentally mix up someone's name but to wilfully give them another is something else.

OMG that would piss me off just way too much. Definitely say something, do it now before you get angry and end up just reacting rather than being calm and telling her. Don't let the control freak get away with it, his name is not hers to change!

That would definitely annoy me too.

One thing to try as well as all the other stuff that people have suggested getting your son involved, is to turn it on its head and get your husband involved too - whether he is there or not.

So, everything they say to your ds but calling him by your dh's name, act as if they are saying it to your husband. If he is there (or close by), say they were to ask if XXX wants a drink or to play cards for example, turn to your husband and say 'yes XXX, what would you like to drink/would you like to play cards?' and then go on to say to PIL if they would mind if YYY could have a drink too or if YYY could join in and play cards too IYSWIM.

Get your DH and DS on board too so they all act in the same way.

If your DH isn't around, you can pass them the phone and start ringing your DH saying, 'I don't know what XXX would like to drink, shall we ring him and find out what he wants when he gets home but could you also see if YYY wants a drink now?' or 'You can ring XXX and ask him if you want to play cards with him but I would have thought it unlikely he'll be able to play immediately as he is at work at the moment - but YYY is here and would probably like to play with you if you asked him'.

You get the picture . Treat it as a game and see how outrageous you and they make it might help to take some of the anger out initially.

And if that doesn't work, decide on funny names for your PIL (goat and scrote? came to mind after seeing the word goat in your OP!) OK the latter probably not suitable for your FIL if your DS involved... goat and dribble? I don't know - I am sure you can have lots of fun coming up with something suitable!) And just start calling them the wrong name too. If they question it then point out that you assumed that as they didn't want to call your ds by his name you thought that they must think you very rude for calling them by their proper names and therefore you are merely following their example of calling them what they don't want to be called...

hope that makes sense - good luck!

People are bonkers aren't they? One of my colleagues was really put out because her son and DIL named their DS after his other granddad rather than after her husband. She went on and on about it, 'oh, there's going to be a falling out, X will so upset' etc. etc. She vented at me expecting me to agree with her fully but I was completely bemused! It's their choice surely....??

Anyway, YANBU, it's a sign of deeper issues and tellng them off for this will show them you're not to be walked over IMO.