To be really fed up of my neighbours

[Deeeja]

I have just moved in, well a couple of weeks ago. My neighbours are wierd. On one side they are eerily quiet, I suppose because they have no children. They are very intolerant of my sons who are autistic. They regularly tell them to be quiet in the garden, I ignore them, my children are not a nuisance. I supervise them, because I have to, and stop them from causing damage, throwing stones that kind of thing. These neighbours reported us for having rubbish outside the house, 5 days after we moved in, and have started a campaign about us, and discuss us outside our house with other people, I hear them through the window.
On the other side is a family with two or three teenage sons. They are well behaved lads from what I see, and sit outside with their friends, messing about with bikes. The mother however, is on some sort of mad witch-hunt where my children are concerned. She accused my sons of throwing things in her garden, and keeps parking infront of our drive.She shouts at them too.
My 6 year old HFA son has now started obsessive note taking of their actions. I am very worried about him, because knowing him this could really turn into another anxiety and obsession. My 4 year old with classic autism, is afraid of them shouting.
I am really worried about my sons, and the affect it is having on them. I feel harrassed.
Dh has explained to them that our boys are autistic, and that has had no affect. They seem even more determined to harrass my boys.
I want to try to get on with them, but I think they are nasty, and strange. I don't understnad why they are picking on us, and I think there may be trouble.
Also, how do I handle this?

Hmm, when you say the first lot are eerily quiet, maybe they're just trying not to disturb other people? We have a very noisy family on one side whose children are forever screaming and shouting and it is v. annoying, but we wouldn't say anything, as that's just what some children are like, but we try not to make a lot of noise, ie we don't shout from one end of the garden to the other, we talk fairly quietly and try to avoid making noise eg using power tools when their children are likely to be in bed.

So maybe you should try to appreciate that they're making an effort not to disturb you, and repay that by trying not to disturb them.

I think you should try to have a friendly chat to the neighbours on the other side. You say the mum is complaining that your children have been throwing things into her garden, and that she's been shouting at them. Why has she been shouting at them? She must be upset about something, and you need to find out what it is. Maybe she's being totally unreasonable, maybe she isn't but you've only been there 5 weeks and have already pissed off both sets of neighbours.

You need to basically find out what the neighbours are unhappy about and see what you can ALL do to try to minimise disturbance to one another as otherwise it's going to escalate.

Why not invite each side over for a coffee sometime and have a friendly chat? If that isn't possible, get a conversation going over the garden fence. Say you're sorry that things have got off to a bad start, and that you'd like to have a chat to talk about how things can improve.

Sorry, two weeks not five!

bumping for you

Agree with mumblechum - you need to find out what it is that it's bothering them as seems odd that neighbour would say something like them throwing things if it wasn't true. Also if you try to talk to them in a calm adult way might help smooth things over. Also they may have no experience of people with asd so have no real concept of what you are dealing with (eg if your older son is taking notes of neighbours sons rey might misconstrue it as some kind of prelude to mischief).
Sympathy though as it's not nice when you feel neighbours are hostile.

I think the problem here is ignorance- I know a lady very high up in politics who was forced to move 6 times in 11 years due to her neighburs complaining of the noise and disruption her severely autistic son was causing particularly at night, whilst I can sympathise with the neighbours there is only so much parents of autistic childen can do to control these situations.
I speak with experience as I used to work in a school with children with autistic spectrum disorders and occasionly held meetings where parents of the children at the school talked about the issues they faced regarding the ignorance of others.

Maybe these neighbours dont understand the complexity of autism and think your children are just being loud and naughty. However it appears both sides of neighbours have issues with your children's behaviour so it seems they arent being as well behaved as you think- maybe you have become immune to it!!!

Try to talk to them explaining about your childrens difficulties and needs and apologise also explaining that you are aware that at times there behaviour is difficult but they often dont mean to offend or cause disruption, Hopefully it will all settle down soon as some neighbourhoods are very cliquey and arent great with "outsiders"

I hope it all works out for you I really do x