...to think 'self-service' checkouts are the work of the Devil?

[Terpsichore]

I bloody hate them.

Have just gone into a (big) M & S food hall and had to use the self-service checkout in desperation because of huge lunchtime queues at the 3 tills that were open. 'Do you want to use your own bag?' asks the robot-woman (actually, she shrieks it at the top of her smug robot voice)
Me (thinks): Yes, I do
Robot: 'Please put your bag in the bagging area'.
Me (thinks) I've just done it, you stupid woman
Robot (shrieks even louder): 'Unauthorised object in bagging area. Please confirm you are using your own bag'
Me (thinks):
Robot: 'Please press button to confirm you are using your own bag...!!' etc etc
So it goes on, with robot insisting that my bag is an unauthorised object and me pressing button again and again. Finally manage to pay and get out in state of great discombobulation.

Go into bank to pay in cheques. Have to use 'self service paying-in' machine which takes delight in spitting cheque back out again so you have to enlist hovering member of staff to help. No real people behind counter any more.

Go into Boots. No real people at cash-desks but row of hideous 'self-service' machines plus obligatory hovering staff-member. Wait behind queue of people to pay real money to a real person instead.

Gaaaaaah! I know there's a credit-crunch but how I detest the way big chains are making US into their unofficial (and, naturally, unpaid) staff!

i like them. but then i'm used to tilling so have the knack maybe

I like them because old people don't use them.

LOL
My mum does and maintains a conversation with it

I used one for the first time in Tescos last week and I have to say that I loved it. Apart from the persistant robot telling me that there was an unauthorised item in my bagging area- erm yes, that would be my child

they have 'stop' and 'go' machines now for roadworks. one bloke stand in the middle with a remote control

I agree with the OP...or whatever you call yourselves on here..
Maybe I'm as thick as pigshit but I can never "work" the self-serve thingies.
I avoid them now....maybe other people find them easy and I'm just a bit "special needs".

Oh yes, I too snigger at 'bagging area'.

The trouble is they just aren't smart enough. I regularly swear at them as if they are real live people.

"For Fuck's fucking sake, I HAVE placed the fucking toilet rolls in the bagging area you twatter"

Well, I'm glad there are some other self-service refuseniks out there.

I once went into a bank branch I don't usually use, and with gritted teeth used the paying-in machine, which requires you to feed the wretched cheques into a slot with the paying-in slip laid on top, all facing the same way and with the tops and bottoms aligned (what a faff to start with).... Then realised in disbelief that they hadn't even standardised the machines between branches, and this one had a different procedure to all the others I'd used before.

I had to wait for ages while they unlocked the machine and extricated my cheques from its guts.

I was not happy.

I name and shame HSBC. Pah.

I love them but DP hates them - I got to the bottom of this a few weeks ago, why he would never use them. He said he wanted to pay cash. He actually thought they were card only. Bless him.

I don't hate them as much as Julie Peasgood (I assume) and her 'order number 394 to the collection point please' when you know damn well that it isn't there because you ordered a neon pink bondage suit and you can't see it on the shelves. Or your number isn't called and you can see your sofa behind the counter but they are ignoring it.

dd has learned the routine ie

you do NOT touch the bags
you do NOT touch the bagging area
you do NOT talk to mummy while she listens to the till lady voice

we also know not to do self service for things where authorisation will be required ie staff discount card/age restricted items/sometimes things to weigh and also very light things ie apple crisps and eye liners which the bagging area will not detect.

Oh yes "Unauthorised item in bagging area" er, that would be one of my children either leaning on it or rearranging the shopping

I use them if nobody els is queueing for them. I get wound up by the stupidly patronising voice telling me about the 'unauthorised item in the bagging area' then make myself laugh by imagining what Victoria Wood would have to say about them! I can hear her slightly demented voice constantly repeating the various sayings of the automatic voice and it seems to lighten my mood!

Because if I was going to nick something I'd put it in the bagging area wouldn't I?

Instead of up my jumper.

Stupid machines

I have mixed opinions on these.
Good points:

1. great if you're buying a couple of items in a rush
2. they can't ask me for ID if I buy a bottle of wine (I'm 27 and STILL get ID'd every time I try and buy alcohol)

Bad points:
1)they don't work properly, you spend half your time waiting for assistance, which takes ages, because everyone else is also waiting for assistance.
2) they keep asking me to 'remove the last item from the bagging area' and then I have to 'wait for assistance' all over again.
3)they're not the quick option when some idiot has decided to use them with a whole trolley full of shopping (and of course has to wait for assistance after scanning every single one of the items)

I hate the robotice voice telling me what to do at every stage. I'm not an idiot, I know I have to pack each item once I've scanned. (of course once you pack it, the robot tells you 'unauthorised object in bagging area' and then you have to wait for assistance AGAIN)

Um I guess that this rather long-winded post is basically saying YANBU

YAsodefinitelyNBU!

Self-service tills are the work of Beelzebub! Being a fully paid-up member of the local chapter of the Raffia Mafia, I avoid Tesco and shop in Waitrose. Our branch being too small to waste space on self-squawking tills. But when I do pop into Tesco it is Kafkaesque I tell you! Bad enough that the store is mainly red of that particular, psychosis inducing Tesco share, but now the whole front of the shop is screeching at you like a satnav gone schizo.

I'm a tolerant person but one day I swear I shall do something unauthorised in the bagging area...

Just this week I somehow managed to wash, tumbledry and iron my credit card, so it was quite nice to use a self-service to test whether my card still works...FYI It does hehe

I am sooooo glad someone else started this post. I too cannot stand these machines!!!!

DH always laughs at how I tense up when I walk past them in our local big Tesco store.

No matter how smart you feel, or how good a day you're having YOU WILL feel THICK after you use them. Cuz everything you do will have the robot telling you it's wrong wrong wrong!

I think they are a way to phase out actual real employees in supermarkets, which I'm not happy about.

Plus in my bank I prefer to queue up to speak to an actual human worker, and the staff can't seem to understand this. They are always telling their customers to use the automated machines. Grrrrr!

They're awful, aren't they? Used one in B&Q yesterday and won't again.

YANBU

I love them

am a quickchecker in waitrose doncha know

badgerarse-
I have used a dell slicer in one of my many jobs as a teen

was fab

I was queen of doing wafer thin ham

oh dont tell me it IS as fab as i dreamt.
( dreamt is that a word?!)
floor polisher was HARD

When I went home to Sweden last they had a really cool self service system in one of the main food chains. Basically you sign up to use it, then each time you grab a scanner and bags, and scan your items as you go around and put htem into the bags straight away. When you're done you stick the scanner into a little machine and pay. They randomly select people to manually check that they haven't cheated but once they've done it a few times tey don't check you manually very often. Seemed really good to me

Safeway used to do that where you took a little scanner round the shop and scanned as you shopped.

I hate self-serve checkouts though do use them to save time. Was in Sainsburys the other day and some idiot man using the next checkout put his whole basket of shopping in my bagging area. Of course my till went nuts.

Sorted that out and then left only for the security alarm to go off as I tried to leave the shop. Something to do with my knickers according to the security guard. The ones I was buying, not wearing. Though no tag on them. He asked for my receipt and of course I didn't have it as I'd forgotten to get it. So was marched back to the till where thankfully it was still there.

yes it is so satisfying

I was alwasy disappointed when the customer said
ok nuff

salami was a pain especially if they asked you to remove the paper

ooh timely thread
was in morrisons today and robot voice kept telling me to place items in bagging area despite not scanni g them
i was genuinely trying but as no one was there to help i did as i was told
selfservice = free shopping, woo hoo