Following on from the discipline threads....how would YOU tell off or admonish another child.

[herestoabetterfuture]

This is quite an interesting subject.

How would you talk to another child who is doing something perhaps they shouldn't?

i.e.
a)about to run across a road

b)hitting your child

c)hitting another child who is not your own but you can see

d)playing roughly with other children

I think I wouldn't necessarily shout at them (unless they were much older/bigger etc) but perhaps say "don't do that please...you could hurt [insert childs name]" or "oh dear be careful' or 'DONT HIT!'

Then again, who knows, if you see your child getting hurt it's like a red rag to a bull!

heresto, in your scenario I'd try to difuse the situation by talking to the child or if not resolvable that way would remove my child if necessary (eg if ds was likely to fight back or get hurt) but I wouldn't judge the parent.

I would be annoyed at the parent if they could see what was going on but didn't accept responsibility. Recent example: little boy chucking things at other small children and asked not to by play attendant. Mother came over and told him to stop. He said no. She said "well what can you do?" and went back to her coffee.

Like Yama before anything really happens I would say "Are you ok ds/dd?" with a big here I am, watch yourselves kids smile.

Anything against my child I say in clear, kindly, no-nonsense tones "Why are you doing that? Thats not very kind is it, come on ds/dd I don't think this little boy/girl wants to play with you"

Another child I don't know "Well thats not very nice is it?, where is your Mum/Dad? lets find them" (to child being hit)

saiantlydamemrstrunip _ i had this problem with DD and DS2 in Sainsburys when they were copying the nosis made by an adult who was shopping with 2 carers. They had asked me why the man was making noises, and I explained becauses he wanted to, adn he wasn't hurting or bothering any one, so it was fine. They then proceeded to copy the teh noises he was makeing, and when I asked them to stop tehy said they weren't hurting or bothering anyone. I was so, so . . I really don't know how you culd deal with children copying your DC, apart from a very stern look.

I woudl physically stop a child running into a road, and I really woudln't care what their parents thought of me if I'd stopped them being run over.

I tend to be very nice if I seee children doing something like throwing sand, and say somthing like "Sweetheart, please don't throw sand, it might get in somebodys eyes" Or I would say "It's not nice to hit" while removing my child - before my child pounded them to a pulp .

a) Shout 'No, run in the road' or physically stop child depending on the scenario, out of panic not anger obviously.

b) I would always say 'No, we don't hit' and remove my child from the situation, unless the parent had already stepped in. Also depends on the age of the child as to whether I would feel angry or not.

c) Ignore if not hurting the child, ie. a baby/toddler gently hitting older child. If there is a child who seems distressed then yes I would go over and say 'No, we don't hit' or 'hitting is naughty behaviour' firmly.

d) Ignore, provided there are no children in distress, and provided there are adults present, maybe move away so my child is out of reach.

I'd physically remove the person being hurt be it my own or a child with one foot in the road, however I think it's totally unacceptable to shout at other peoples kids.
I have had my 4 year old screamed at in a case of mistake identity and nearly knocked the women out, cheeky bitch.
Screaming in a child's face or tbh even raising your voice is just going to cause an argument between the parents which is maybe what they want but we avoid anywhere that combines children and alcohol these days.

Surely there's shouting and then there's SHOUTING (in angry voice). If I feel I have to raise my voice to get attention, I will; you can talk loudly without it being an ANGRY SHOUT.
My stock phrases when children get into it, are
"Hey stop that!"
"Sh sh, stop that boys."
"Whoa boys, let's all play nice, yeah?"
"Please play nice, okay?"
etc.

I didn't used to mind if people gently reprimanded DC for something, but reading MN too much has made me paranoid that it's proof positive that I'm a terrible parent and only one step away from me being reported to NSPCC.
(note to self, must stop reading MN ).

Yama - my 90 year old godmother ALWAYS gets results from hoodies with that kind of line. An ex-social worker, she's quite happy confronting badly behaved children, teenagers or anti-social adults. Amazes me that she gets away with it...

I wouldn't mind someone telling my child to stop doing something but if anyone shouted it would kick off big time, no question. A firm teacher like voice is fine though, if I haven't seen something it would still need to be stopped.

Of course it's acceptable to shout at other people's kids - if you would do the same to yours in the same situation. A little boy was hitting my DD2 the other day. I started gently, as I would have done with her, gently, then louder, then took his hand. He did it again,l I went through the same sequence again. The mum was kinda frozen into indecision. She must have been on MN too much and could make up her mind what to do.

The trouble is in some situations if you raise your voice the other parent raises theirs and suddenly you aren't in a situation you'd bargained for, I've seen that happen, all in front of the children.

But I'm not raising my voice at the parent. I must be v reasonable because noone so far has become abusive with me for telling off their DCs. Not that I do it that often.

Has anyone sad they would 'scream in a child's face"?

Edam - I'm a Secondary Teacher so (like your Godmother) groups of children don't intimidate me.

I always point out the nearest bin to any litter-dropping youths.

Edam, I find that a bit strange, are you like the police always on duty ?
A mum/teacher was asked to leave our NCT group because she seemed to feel it was within her remit to discipline everyone else's children, I'd known more chilled out DCI's.

• sorry Yama, not Edam

Sorry, I realise that came across all wrong.

I should differentiate between young children at the park - I never talk directly to them and hoodie-types (in response to Edam's post about her 90 year old Godmother).

What I meant was that I am not intimated by groups of teenagers.

Easy to be misunderstood when I am not clear.

I do apologise.

'The trouble is in some situations if you raise your voice the other parent raises theirs and suddenly you aren't in a situation you'd bargained for, I've seen that happen, all in front of the children. '

It has never happened to me-I don't raise my voice in the first place and I am not agressive-I expect that I would just make a non threatening remark and remove myself.

Blimey, CherylCole, did you organise a meeting and told her your decision to kick her out of the group for not being like the rest? I suspect you didn't like her for other reasons. OTOH you must have liked her long enough to allow her within your midst until your DCs were old enough to be told off. How bizarre! (PS - is that the kind of thing that gives 'the NCT' a bad name?)

No we told her to her face that telling other peoples children off is not how we like to handle things.
As she was coming into other peoples homes I think they and I were well within our rights actually, these meetings are meant to be relaxing and inviting to everyone, not just those who think being a teacher makes them the best parent in the world.
No wonder they say teachers children are the worse.

"No wonder they say teachers children are the worse." Do they say that? Never heard of it. Anyhow, must have been pretty unpleasant and I bet she'd have a different story to tell.

Using terminology like 'hoodie type' really gets my goat.Do you know I think teenage boys suffer more prejudice than anyone else in the country.

I didn't use 'hoodie' seriously. Was just trying to explain that my elderly Godmother approaches the sort of groups of teenagers that many adults find intimidating. The ones she's talked to have always shuffled their feet a bit and apologised for dropping litter or swearing in public or whatever it was that drew her attention.

Agree with you that teenagers are often unfairly labelled - my ds will be one soon enough, I do hope attitudes have changed a little by then. But doubt it, there has always been adult disapproval of normal adolescent behaviour. Think back to the Teddy Boys... even the Romans were complaining about The Youth Of Today not respecting their elders.