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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be flapping about this?

23 replies

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 15:01

I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my best friend in 3 weeks time (her only bridesmaid). She's having a regular wedding service in a Church.

The problem is, I really can't sing, I mean when the occational song slips out in the shower I swear the dog next door starts howling.

I've got a husky voice (think Whoopy Goldberg ), and to add to insult, I am totally tone dead. I'm really stressing about being at the altar and having to sing, or if I mime, it'll be really obvious I'm doing so I've told my friend (the bride) and she just told me not to worry about it, but I really am.

AIBU or WWYD?

OP posts:

Original poster

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 15:02

Tone deaf I meant, although tone dead is probably appropriate!!

OP posts:

randomtask · 30/07/2009 15:04

If it's a church wedding you won't be at the altar, you'll be sitting at the front on the Bride's side. So, if you mime, it won't matter as they'll hear everyone from behind you. So I figure, as long as you mime well (and not like you're on TOTP) you'll be fine and no-one will know as no-one will be that close!

Don't let it ruin your exciting day!

Tamarto · 30/07/2009 15:05

Why would it be obvious that you are miming?

I can't sing at all either, so just half mime half mumble, i'd stress if she was expecting you to do a solo otherwise relax, no one will be looking at you to see if you are miming.

chickydee · 30/07/2009 15:05

I would mime tbh,noone will really notice, or care, as all eyes will ne on the happy couple, or sing, quietlY!
Really, don't worry too much, all the old biddies will be singing loud and proud drowning you out anyway!

SoupDragon · 30/07/2009 15:06

No one will be looking at you, don't worry

laweaselmys · 30/07/2009 15:08

I thought she was asking you to take part in some kind of wedding party choir, singing the vows etc.

I'm sure you'll be fine. You won't be facing the congregation anyway.

lovechoc · 30/07/2009 15:09

No one will even notice, just mime and you'll be ok

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 30/07/2009 15:11

I went to a wedding recently where the mother of the groom was not only tone deaf but also on the wrong verse of most of the hymns throughout!

And she had a VERY loud voice.

Was most amusing, but she carried it off by being most regal and haughty, you could try practising your 'And what are YOU looking at?' stare in advance?

sajaruss · 30/07/2009 15:12

You'll be fine - enjoy it, being a bridesmaid is both an honour and the opportunity to have great fun on the day.
In my experience of church wedding's, there's usually a couple of regular church-go-ers who sing really loudly which avoids an embarrassing silence of a church full of mimers!

Rebeccaj · 30/07/2009 15:13

I never sing in church - I can't sing, and I'm an atheist anyway! So just move your lips, no-one will be staring at your face to ensure you are singing ;-)

sajaruss · 30/07/2009 15:13

oh no - I sneaked in a rogue apostrophe in 'weddings'. Unforgivable...

MummyDragon · 30/07/2009 18:13

I'm a tad as to why you think anyone cares what you sound like or whether you're miming or not, to be honest. It's not your wedding. Nobody is going to give a stuff what you are doing. They'll be focussed on the bride ... you know, the one who's getting married ...???!!!

Pikelit · 30/07/2009 19:20

You have the advantage of being at the front so can mime away quite happily. In fact you can join the rest of the congregation in emitting the occasional dull moan during the better known verses of the hymns.

Original poster

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 19:26

MummyDragon - yes, of course you a right, my parents, my sister, 26 of our mutual friends from the past 15 years will be there. Of course no one will "give a stuff" about me

There's no need to be such a bitch about it though to be fair.

OP posts:

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/07/2009 19:28

You will be facing the front, not the congregation, so no one will see you anyway.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/07/2009 19:30

But I do think it is sweet you are worrying.

MummyDragon · 30/07/2009 20:03

I wasn't trying to be a bitch! (It doesn't come naturally either ). I probably didn't punctuate in a way that showed I was being tongue in cheek. Sorry. What I meant was, I honestly don't think anyone will be interested in whether or not you can sing, will they?? Really?? But I do think you sound veeeeerrrrry wound up about this, so do you think you should have a chat with some of your family/vicar/26 friends to see if they can put your mind at rest? Have they given you any inclination that they are hoping to have a snigger at your singing? Surely they'll just be delighted to see you looking beautiful up there, and they'll be supportive of you, and not at all critical of your singing? And they will be too busy singing to try to listen out for your singing voice anyway. And you will be facing away from them, as FabBakerGirl said ... And if you have a husky voice like Whoopi Goldberg, lucky you - I bet you sound really sexy when you're talking. Really, I'm sorry if I sounded bitchy, I honestly did not mean to

Original poster

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 21:02

OK point taken, sorry MummyDragon didn't mean to snap, I took your post literally. Friends?

I'm glad you all pointed out my back will be to the audience, I hadn't thought of that, and it brings me great comfort!

Small things do tend to niggle at me, I'm not a very confident person and the thought of being stood at the front overwhelmed me a bit I think, let alone the thought of barking singing while up there!

I need to get a grip and just enjoy the day

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MummyDragon · 30/07/2009 21:09

Of course lizzy, fret not

I'm sure you will all have a lovely day, and perhaps a teeeeeensy weensy glass of wine before the service might help?

What's your dress like? (not that anyone cares, of course )

Original poster

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 21:12

Oooh vino, now there's a thought!

The dress is dark brown with a pink belt/waist band, sounds a tad errrg but it's really lovely. I'm very excited actually

OP posts:

MummyDragon · 30/07/2009 21:23

It sounds beautiful

My mum FORCED wine on me before my wedding!! And on my bridesmaids too (and one of them was only 16). Disgraceful.

Original poster

crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 21:28

I think I might treat myself to a glass ( ) but will keep the spirits until after the vows!

OP posts:

Zalen · 31/07/2009 12:57

Hi,

Just reminded me of my wedding, 19 years ago. Bil was at Music College and dating a singer so it was arranged that she would sing to entertain the guests while we were in the vestry signing the register and I've been told she did a very good job.

However, my cousin was in the habit of doing his wolf howling at the moon impression whenever his then wife would sing around the house. His dd, our littlest bridesmaid thought this was very funny and would join in.

You can guess what happened next I'm sure! Bil's gf starts singing something lovely and classical and littlest bridesmaid decides to howl along. I was so embarrassed for the poor singer when told about it after, but must admit to thinking it's quite funny now.

But back to the original post, don't worry about it, enjoy yourself, it's your friends wedding and it'll be a fantastic day. I have always been tone deaf, even the other kids at school would tell me to mime and not even try to sing, and for years that's what I did. Now I just enjoy it, I sing in church, not loudly but I enjoy it so I'm going to do it. Of course in the car, with the CD blaring all bets are off and I'll belt out whatevers playing to my hearts content.

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