to feel guilty about ds1's b'day tomorrow?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

He is going to be 11.

I bought him a nintendo wii which he got early, he wants his ear peirced and he is getting a mobile phone ( i know i said i wasn't getting him one), I am also having a tea party with family tomorrow and at the weekend going for a meal with family and friends.

But I feel guilty that I have not got more for him....and that I have not had the time to arrange a party.

Plum lol i never expected him to remember from when he was 3!!!!

I didn't get my ds anything for his birthday a few weeks ago. Not asausage. Not evena card. He had a nice party [I asked everyone who came not to bring anything] and was/is very happy.

This obsession with things and the belief that they represent how yuo feel has got to stop.It's madness.

You're used to spoling him? And this ISN'T? It sounds like an awful lot to me and makes me wonder how on earth you'll be able to cater for his 18th.

Sorry but I think you're being far too OTT tbh.

Moon, I am not obsessed with things. TBH I think part of it is because when I was on my own with him there were times when I really struggled to make ends meet, (ex p left me with a lot of debts) and there were times when I couldnt get him all the things he wanted. So i then started working my socks off at various part time jobs )all fitted around him) so i could give him everything that his father never provided. And i mean down to simple things.

Janeite, yes I spoil him on his birthday. Just as I was as a child. It didnt do me any harm. You see the way I was brought up was my parens could not afford to buy us everything we wanted throughout the year but on our b'days/xmas we would be spoilt. Just as I have done with ds1.

He's a very lucky boy, TLE, not because of what you're giving him, but because of how much you love him. You don't need to prove it with material things and you don't need to make up for his loser dad. You just need to be his mum. No guilt required.

Moondog - nothing at all for your DS's birthday? How old is he?

Lady, you are right i do love him so very much. he is so much more than just my son he is my best friend I also love ds2 but the relationship i have with ds2 will never be the same as the one with ds1, ds2 will never know the hardship ds1 did....god i make myself sound horrible here.

5
I don't recall I got anything for my dd's 8th birthday either.
She's not booked into therapy yet.

Really? I'm just interested in how that works. Do you not celebrate their birthday at all, or just not buy them presents.

totally agree with moondog

No, we do celebrate birthdays and have lovely parties. They get presents from other family members.I realised early on that they don';t really register [or appreciate] beyond 2or 3 pressies.
Confirmed when I put 50% of Christmas presents received into a basket striaght after opening them and neither even noticed.

Idon't like people buying presents for me either.I hate crap and clutter.

After the post you wrote about him last week and how vile he had been I am surprised you didnt cancel his birthday!

shocking how much you have bought him and you are making a rod for your own back (imvho)

Totally ridiculous and the earring is a vile idea too.

Korma, I know there are people who can't I have been there I have come out of it and I know the hardship that leaves you unable to get a card for your own dc b'day is heart breaking.

It is a twice a year thing now, christmas and birthdays are always OTT. I bought the wii as part of his b'day pressie but it is also something for us to do as a family when the weather is crud etc.

The mobile is because he is off to secondary in september and will need one

and the earring is because it was a promise made 8 years ago.

ok, now i am lost an ear peircing costs what £10? well actually I am getting it for free as a friend is a peircer. The mobile was bought off of another chat forum and although brand new only cost £10

and the wii is something for us all to use.

so in actual fact I have spent very little on him this year hence my guilt.

Gossip, he was vile and can be but its his birthday and well it cannot go uncelebrated. with regard to his behaviour our appt is on friday and we should get some ideas with regard to the ODD.

Korma, sorry I should have explained it better. There was a time when he did know financial hardship where there were days when he would have a dinner and I wouldn't. When I would be scrimping and saving to get by, the year when he was 3 or 4 he said to me "Mummy i will have 2 sweeties and one bob video as a present because i know we don't have a lot of money" That was the hardest thing i have ever heard from him, he was a baby and already knew. That was when i vowed he would always have what he wanted and needed for his b'day.

lol Cyrad, i remember the first bike ds1 got, his father actually paid towards it (£5 was his contribution) and me being me made a big thing about "daddy bought you a lovely bike didn't he"
ds1's answer?

"You like it you ride it, he isn't my dad he is Ben my father".