Upset at childminder shouting at DS.

[Cazzr]

Went to pick up my son who's 3 from the childminder today after work and whilst chatting to the childminder and her helper DS swiped (playfully) at her older son.
He was holding my hand at the time and I honestly didn't notice or I would have reprimanded him myself but had I have, I doubt I would have gotten in quick enough as she jumped on it so quickly...
Anyway, the point is not that she told him off, thats fine, he needed to be told. My problem was the way she did it.
She's quite a loud person anyway but I have to say the way she shouted at my son made ME feel quite taken aback let alone him. She said (to him) she didn't care if he was playing about it wasn't on, etc etc. All the words she used were fine, it was more the way it was done.
If she had spoken to me like that I think I would have either nearly cried myself or punched her on the nose as I would have been quite intimidated..
He very quickly burst into tears and I tried to get him to apologise to the other child as no, hitting is not acceptable, but he was in such a state and burying his head in my shoulder that they had to leave to go to an appointment (the helpers were looking after the kids, which is fine).

I'm left feeling quite upset about the incident and feel I should have taken him straight out and away from there (protected him) or stepped in straight away and said calm down/don't shout at my son. But I didn't, I let her do it.
I understand kids can be trying at times, and I have shouted at DS before, tho not quite like that...
Normally he is well behaved but I think as the school holidays have started and there are more kids it's all the more exciting.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable to think this was out of order? I know not everyone can be Supernanny when it comes to discipline but this isn't right, is it? Am I being an overprotective blinkered mum who thinks her darling son can do no wrong?

FWIW I think at 3 most kids are ready for nursery and exposure to other kids and teachers, I wouldn't worry too much about that

my gut instincts would be to go for the nursery with built in pre school, he'll meet others who he'll start school with and will probably enjoy the new environment

sorry to confuse you, only you'll know whats best for your ds, but like you I'd hate for anyone I was trusting to shout at my son, that would really throw me

The other thing that made me think about nursery was when chatting to old CM about the issue (for advice) she mentioned when she worked at a nursery before CM, they are not ALLOWED to shout at the kids, so it's a bit more policed if you get my meaning..

Whereas I guess, where it's her house, and incidently her son (who's 11 not that that excuses DS) who DS swiped at, she was maybe a bit more primal about it..?

Thing is, having spoken to her about it and it seems she's taken it on board, it would be difficult to now say, actually, no, I'm going to move him now..
I know you say I don't owe her anything but it doesn't feel fair..

Try talking to her. It might be that she acts differently when you are there as it can make you feel quite self conscious when the parent of a child you care for is there, as if you are under scrutiny.
Does your child normally seem happy to go to his childminder? Is he normally content when you collect him? Can you ask him if he likes being with this person?
If you can't talk to her about an issue like this then perhaps it isn't the right environment in which to leave your child anyway!

I did speak to her, and seems like she took it on board but only time will tell really.. Point ssd made was whether I actually want to move him even tho I have had a word.

I do think this is her style tho and having spoken to someone else who knows her, did fully expect her to say if you don't like it go elsewhere..
She didn't, which is great but I spose I am still a little wary of how things will go.. Early days and time will only tell..

Have come to this thread late. I don't see the need to move CM at the moment. She is human, is possibly pre-mentrual and had a day from hell. She probably recognises that hence why she did not remonstrate with you when you raised it. No-one likes their children being disciplined by others andwe can be pretty oversensitive about it. If there are no long lasting effects on DS then I would not worry.
My sister has a nanny for her toddler twins and sometimes when I listen to her talk about her various expections of her nanny, I wonder if she needs a reality check. My sister is not the one who has her children 5 days a week all day. My sister does not have a realistic view of what it can be like looking after children whether her nany is 'trained' or not. My sister has to work and that is the bottom line. She does not enjoy having someone else having the caring role for her children, but needs must.
What I am trying to say is that you will never have a CM who treats your child the way you would all the time - that is the sad reality.
If the good outweighs the occasional negative, you have to balance it all.

mears: exactly why for the moment I plan to keep him put. Like I said, it's early days.
I CMing is tiring especially if they are having a bad day but at the same time, surely having been a CM for a long time and having run a nursery, the CM be more practiced at disciplining children without the need for shouting?

I fully accept he needed to be disciplined, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest even if he did burst into tears, this is nothing to do with that. It was more that I felt the tone of voice used was more stern than was needed.
Agreed there are many ways to skin a cat but as he's my child, surely I should be able to have some input?

Generally, we are very laid back parents and accepting of how she runs the childcare and trust her to do so without too much involvement from us, and we have never 'interfered' before. That said, I didn't think I could let this thing slide. I have had it niggling in the back of my head for a while but not had chance to witness anything to comment on until now.

I came away feeling very upset that I had let DS down in not stepping in at the time and agonised over whether I was being oversensitive/hormonal and unreasonable. Having discussed what happened on here and with the previous CM (who knows new CM well) and getting all the tears out of the way beforehand, I think i was in my rights to have a chat about it.
Yes she took it ok, tho not lying down i might add but it didn't get nasty by any means, essentially she wanted to know what I would have done differently. I told her how I thought it should have gone and she seemed to accept it. Like I said, time will tell.

As for moving DS, no I have no plans at the moment, I just hope I don't end up regretting it.