to want to yell "you must be joking" at BIL & SIL. They want to take ds on holiday with them ..

[clumsymum]

There is history behind this .

They took ds to cornwall with them 4 years ago, and sent him home after 3 days cos they couldn't cope.

Here is the thread I wrote about it at the time (I was called Easy back then). You don't have to read it all

I still feel upset when I think about it now . I am utterly incredulous that I got a phone call this p.m., asking if he'd like to join them on Saturday for 2 weeks in Devon.

I managed to splutter thanks for asking, and say that we had some things arranged, so probably not, but BIL said he'd give me a little time to think about it.

I don't WANT to be rude but ....

Over my dead body

The thing is, your DS is older and more mature. But your BIL and SIL are likely to be older and more cranky.

Maybe a weekend would make sense ... maybe ... but two weeks?!?

I have told asked DH to ring his brother tonight and say 'thanks but, really, no thanks'

I can see in that last thread that actually, this is the second time they've asked since the incident.

There's no way I'd put my DS through even the chance of that happening again. They must be mad. YANBU!

Thing is, I might (just a very slim chance) have been talked round for a weekend away. But to suggest a whole fortnight is lunatic, especially as, once again, it's a huge distance away, so fetching ds home would be a major problem.

I really don't understand how they haven't realised that we'd be saying no in these circumstances.

Perhaps they just didn't realise how seriously we viewed the whole thing last time.

jesus.... fair deuce to you for not laughing/shouting abuse down the phone at him!

definitely agree it's a daft idea.... that thread is heartbreaking, your poor little ds must have been so confused

YANBU - the other thread is a gripping read though!

I would be reluctant for my girls to go away with anybody but us for two weeks tbh. It is a long time to be away.

Clumsymum - reading the original thread, they offered to take him away for the weekend not long afterwards didnt' they? They must just be mad, or not realise what a serious thing it is they did!

was not here 4 yrs ago but have looked at that thread and WHY would they even think of offering again, its beyond me

no way would i allow a child of mine to go after that performance

Goodness me. Just read the original thread and I can honestly say that I would not have been anywhere near as nice about it as you were. I doubt we'd be speaking to them now - 4yrs on - if it was my family.

I've just read the previous whole thread and find it strange that they would ask again! Especially for two whole weeks. I think you handled the last situation extremely well and hats off to you for maintaining a relationship with the ILs.

Just as an aside, to ask your DS to go on Saturday for two weeks seems quite short notice, do you think?

Well yes Fanjita, it is short notice. Apparently SIL's son (grown-up) has cried off, as he'd rather go off to Uzbekistan or somewhere with a mate of his (can't say I blame him).

So this leaves them with a bed spare.

At least this is what BIL said.

DH has rung him, explained that he's booked days off next week for us to do family things together, and ds is planning to go to football coaching the following week (actually, thats the week after, it's a white lie). We are just too wimpish to cause offence now, after the anger from last time has died down.

Wow, what a story! Don't blame you at all for sticking to your guns.

I have one burning unanswered question in all of this - what's in it for them?

Is it just that they want a playmate for the other boy (sorry, have lost track of whether he'll be with them again this time)? Are they that close to your DS that they want to have him to themselves for 2 weeks?

I love all my nephews and nieces to bits, but taking them away for a fortnight is something I'd need to think carefully about, and would certainly give a bit more notice than 5 days...

I remember that thread as well.

Couldn't believe their behaviour at the time, and now when I have a DS about the age yours was at the time it seems even more horrible .

Well done for the white lie telling - if there was ever a time for a white lie it is now.

Gently, I think the thing is that BIL never had children of his own. He was dead chuffed to be Godfather, and wanted to take his role of Uncle and Godfather very seriously.

His partner has tried I think to support him in those endeavours, but she tends to take on the job of "caring" for and supporting all sorts of strays, leading to them overstretching their own "caring" capabilities. They are virtually parenting SILs grandson, as they wouldn't consider letting her daughter offer him for adoption (unless they adopted him themselves)

Their efforts have been well-meaning, but misguided at best (a bloody disaster at worst). That's one reason I haven't shut them out of our lives. DS does like his uncle a lot (despite it all), so it doesn't seem right to stop him seeing him at all. I think our job is to make sure they never get into a similar situation again.

I am disappointed that they don't seem to understand that we considered what happened VERY serious and damaging to DS.
I just wonder how SIL would feel if the roles had been reversed, and we had done the same with her grandson.

Thanks, I see, that explains a lot.

It's a tough call when you want someone in the family to have a good relationship with your DC, but need to do some policing at the same time, however well-meaning their intentions. Sounds like you have ample reason to be cautious.

Just so you know, I also remember your previous thread - as soon as I read the OP, I thought "surely it can't be the bin-bag SIL??!" Their fuck-up was MAJOR - they seriously wouldn't get a second chance from me.

Some people in life just don't get it-and I suspect that your SIL is one of them.
She probably just wants someone nice for her GS to be around, no one can really tell you what to do, but the whole story last time seems quite sad, and to be honest if you sent your son a lot of frightening memories would like resurface making him anxious to be so far from you.

Thanks everybody for your kind words.

I'm amazed at how many of you remember the original tale.

Actually I wouldn't let DS go away for two weeks at the moment (not even to his beloved Nana's because I know he misses us too much), but in your case I'dthink twice about letting him go for two DAYS let alone two weeks

Blackduck, yes, two weeks would have been too long in any event, no matter who had suggested it.

TBH he struggled going to cub camp for 4 days in the spring.

could he go for a few days rather than 2 weeks? other than that, my answer would be nope.

I think given the history and our concerns, its not worth the hassle and all the extra petrol TBH Lisa.

If it had been something/someone else, I might have suggested it, but not in these circs.

From the thread title, I was expecting to post "Oh, it won't hurt him, he'll enjoy it" etc etc

But reading the thread, "over my dead body" about sums it up.

Just read the old thread. DO NOT let him go!! I wouldn't let my DS go if I was you.