to expect my mother to call me first after a row

[4thtimelucky]

OK, perhaps I am but I do think she was wrong / critical - not that that is much change after 30 something years!

Called her last Friday evening for a general chat after a 13 hour day at work and said, quite early on in the call, I had been terribly lazy and got chips on the way home from work as a treat - DP had already eaten as I didn't know what time I would be in - and immediately got a lecture about healthy eating in pregnancy and that I should be losing and not gaining weight (at that point just over 20 weeks and about 9 lbs), which then progressed onto her slating my clothing when I mentioned that I was wearing a bump band over unzipped trousers as it was saving money on maternity clothes and frankly don't think anyone can tell anyway and slightly fitted stretchy clothes are more comfortable and I think flattering than a sodding tent which she implied at a size 12/14 I should be wearing and not my "usual awful clothes". By this point my DP was in the room with me telling me to calm down and I could hear my stepfather telling my mum to back off. She lives overseas and hasn't seen me for 3 months and this is going to be her 1st grandchild and I do wonder if the distance is making her agitated but even so a little bit of support would be nice. I have my 20 week scan tomorrow (at 21+5) and after she texted me about an hour later complaining we didn't finish talking (I slammed the phone down in tears), I texted back to say I would call after the scan but 10 days later I am still angry with her and can't help but thinking it's going to degenerate into another slanging match.

Please, please take a deep breath and just ring for a chat. If you are usually on good terms having family is so much more valuable than winning an argument and being right. Life is too short which is such a cliche but true, and having granny around will be so much more valuable to you than being alone but 'right'.

While I am sure that you feel hurt about her comments I think you should take the high ground and call her.

What does it matter who calls who?

Never nice to have someone make criticisms that are personal - hopefully she is only trying to be involved and perhaps it is her way of showing how much she cares.

PP is right - life is way too short. Call her.

YANBU but you won't win if she is anything like my Mum! She thinks she is saying it 'for your own good' and she doesn't mean to be nasty. My mum says stuff to me sometimes and i think WTF?? but you have to let it go but gently explain that you found it a bit offensive and you would rather she didn't make comments like that.

YANBU but I think that mum's always think they know best particularly when it comes to babies! Mine kept telling me I wasn't eating enough when I was pg, that I should be putting on more weight oh and she was the same about maternity clothes too. I stayed in stretchy clothes/bump band/clothes in larger size than normal etc as long as possible as agree much more flattering/comfy than tents... Mind you my dsis was worst about maternity clothes - told me that she thought I didn't want the baby because I didn't want to buy some frankly v ugly maternity jeans - wtf! Anyway all that said I think that you should call her (after all you said that you would) but agree with moonthemighty that you should explain that she upset you with the way that she said it but that you would/do appreciate her concerns and that of course you are eating sensibly etc (I'm sure she's just worried about you and as you say she isn't nearby so can't come and see you) and maybe suggest something to do with the baby/pg that you would like advice/help on (even if you're not going to take it ) so that she feels like she is involved and then she might not get so agitated/get at you? Anyway best of luck sorting it out.

I rowed with my mum on the phone last Tuesday and decided to ring her today. I didn't want to and certainly wasn't about to apologise but I decided to rise above it. She would only have told herself, my father and any other bugger who cared to listen how sensitive I was and how I like to be the injured victim . We were pleasant and she may visit tomorrow - whatever . To everyone else in the world I am intelligent, witty, confident and very able. To my mother I am immature, hot-headed, irrational and over sensitive. I was a middle child and seem to have the 'syndrome'. To top it all we are having a holiday together at the end of August. I may well end up 'doing time' .