to think this is not an example of rape?

[hereidrawtheline]

I really do not mean this in a hostile way. But I know someone whose boyfriend says he was raped by a woman and I just cant get my head around it.

The circumstances were they were friends, she wanted more, he didnt. He told her so. Then one night they got high together and had pretty standard vaginal sex that she initiated by making the first move. He was by his own admission on top for at least part of the sex.

He then said the next day she raped him because she knew what his wishes were and she turned him on while in a drugged up state knowing he couldnt act on his principles.

Now I understand he regrets what happened and I dont personally think either of them are on a moral highground & also probably not top of the IQ charts - I say this because I have the wider picture of this guy generally drifting around doing bugger all while he smokes pot and rants about the man. All of which done singly is acceptable but when combined for years on end does somewhat detract from your intellectual appeal factor. So it is just as fair for a guy to regret sex as a girl, we are all susceptible to doing stupid things under the influence. I see that as unfortunate but not necessarily rape. I mean, if he had an erection and was on top its hard to call it that surely? Or am I being really sexist without realising it? Of course a man can be raped but like that??

Been bugging me for years actually this all happened many years ago & the guy went to rape support groups and everything.

So AIBU?

I remember the dog cloning too. The original was such a mad case, a crazy mix of sex, religion, foreigners (!), madness and all in one underwear in an era when the papers weren't as frank and tabloidy as they are today.

ffs he wasn't raped.

If he was then I must have been raped by every bf I've ever had.

ie my sober, sensible self doesn't want to have sex too early, and delivers lecture to that effect, but after a few beers my lust takes over and away we go.

If he had passed out or lost the ability to speak due to intoxication then I might think it was borderline. But having a few puffs, nope.

Can I also just say how depressing that I have yet to come across a thread discussing rape on the net that doesn't quickly develop into one about malicious false accusation.

There is no evidence that the rate of false accusation is any higher for rape than it is for any other crime (I think something like 3% according to police?) yet whenever rape is discussed it's as if there are as many women trying to smear false allegations as there are men committing rape.

Yet in my own life I don't think I know any women who haven't been raped or (like me) in borderline cases that made them extremely upset but clearly weren't enough to report to police - yet I know of no woman who has made up a rape charge to have a go at a guy.

Why the endless focus on false allegations, I don't get it.

that was not rape

In his own word "she turned him on". Whether or not he was sober, he was turned on by her and they had sex. She obviouslty was touching him before sex for him to get turned on. There doesn't seem, to be any violence or abuse.